Thursday, November 02, 2017

JELLYFISH MEMORY AND THE WAR IS BEGINNING TO MORPH







Medusa:
Papa, is your memory getting bad?

Papadopoulos:
Now that you mention it, yes.

Medusa:
Maybe it's because humans have been taking something out of us for their new memory supplement.

Papadopoulos:
Maybe. It's amazing that we jellyfish do not have a brain, and yet we are talking right now.

Medusa:
God works in mysterious ways.

Papadopoulos:
Indeed He does.

Medusa:
Ready to play Scrabble?

Papadopoulos:
Sure.


IT'S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES JELLYFISH AND MEMORY














Saturday, October 21, 2017

BIOLOGY CLASS AND THE WATERMELON PATCH






Mr. Haberbosch was my tenth grade biology teacher, and also our football coach at Jefferson High School.
I remember he said that he had played football at Kansas State.

He had a perpetual smile between rosy cheeks.
He never lost his temper.
He didn't do that much teaching.
He was just there.
In the classroom.
A calm presence.

I liked biology a lot, and so it was no problem that Mr. Haberbosch was on the low end of instruction.
I liked it that way.
I carefully memorized the textbook.
(Many teachers tend to speak just to listen to themselves.
Like politicians.)

I thought about Mr. Haberbosch as I was watching Oklahoma play Kansas State.
It's October.
Football season.
But I'll soon change the channel to watch game seven between the Houston Astros and the New York Yankees.
I want the Yankees to win so that they and the Dodgers can slug it out in the 2017 World Series.

In Mr. Haberbosch's class it was always me who would ask him to tell us about the time that Billy stole a watermelon from Mr. Wilson's watermelon patch.

Mr. Haberbosch smiled even harder after I asked him to repeat this story.
 I asked him every two weeks.
I never got tired of hearing him tell it.
I got a B in his class.

The next year I was in Dr. Kirschner's Biology II Honors class.
That's when Mary Ann Meyers and I dissected a fetal pig.
The formaldehyde was tolerable just so that I could sit next to Mary Ann Meyers.
Later in the year we went to the Junior Prom.
I got an A in Honors Biology.
Oklahoma just scored a touchdown in the last seven seconds to break the 35 to 35 tie and win the game. 
They're now 6-1.



IT'S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES AND A WATERMELON PATCH

Friday, August 25, 2017

HOLD THE FISH AND FRIES WHERE'S THE BEEF?








*




Neanderthal  
1861, in reference to a type of extinct hominid, from German Neanderthal "Neander Valley," name of a gorge near Düsseldorf where humanoid fossils were identified in 1856. The place name is from the Graecized form of Joachim Neumann (literally "new man," Greek *neo-ander), 1650-1680, German pastor, poet and hymn-writer, who made this a favorite spot in the 1670s. Adopting a classical form of one's surname was a common practice among educated Germans in this era. As a noun, by 1915; as a type of a big, brutish, stupid person from 1926.




Note:
Only my posts on George W. Bush and his presidency exceed those about Neanderthals.

Dubya is a kind of neanderthal, so I guess it's a tie.


*


Forget the fish.

Hold the fries.

Find the meat.

MAMMOTH MEAT!

When humans and neanderthals bumped into each other, they began competing for meat.

The Golden Arches and Whataburger didn't exist, so these old dudes had to return to their wives with their own Big Macs, Whataburgers, and Whoppers.

And plenty of cholesterol.

But Neanderthals didn't worry about cholesterol or a million other maladies that we humans worry about today.

Just bring home the bacon...I mean the mammoth meat...to the significant other in the cave.

The above article doesn't say how Homo Sapiens were able to get more Mammoth Meat than the Neanderthals.

But the following conversation might provide an answer:

Neanderthal:
Hey, Homo, do you want to share that Mammoth after we kill it?

Homo Sapien:
No, my wife wouldn't want that.

Neanderthal:
Come on. Who wears the loin cloth in the family?

Homo Sapien:
I do. But she makes it for me.

Neanderthal:
Well, in that case, I guess I'll have to club you to death.

Homo Sapien:
Hey, look, there's a flying saucer!

Homo clubs Mr. Neanderthal, and then kills the Mammoth.


IT'S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES





Friday, July 21, 2017

TWIST OF FATE ON THE TOILET SEAT





LAKESIDE AMUSEMENT PARK


The Fun House -- an iconic attraction mentioned most by old-school Lakeside visitors -- that was located where the Dragon now sits was one of the most visually notable parts of the park. A giant, animated papier-mâché puppet woman known as "Laffing Sal" greeted riders there with her hysterical cackle; word is she may still be in storage somewhere in the park.



*

No, this is not about Donald Trump.

But Because of Donald J. Trump our fate (and the world's) is inside the toilet.

Not on the seat.

*

TALE OF THE TUB

I had finished my shower on August 10, 2010.
It was mid-morning.

I should have had a Tarot reading before my shower.

I should have had someone do my bio-rhythm (I don't have the faintest idea what a bio-rhythm is. I just remember it from the seventies when it was being read.)

In fact, I did have mine read after I had had an accident in my Datsun truck, driving down Boulder Canyon.
I flipped the truck on a nasty curve.
I believe it was March 7 or 10, 1971.

Laura (Laura then, but later Madhavi---not the Indian actress.) read my bio-rhythm after my accident.

She told me that my bio-rhythm was very low that day.
She told me it wasn't a good day to be driving.
Later, I asked her what her name meant.
She said it meant divine light.

*

I should have done many things.

I didn't know, nor did I think about what my fate would be that morning.

Who ever does?

Well, maybe some of us do.

*

Nobody else was home.

And I was soon to become the person in the television commercial who says “I've fallen down and I can't get up.”
Except in my case it was“I've fallen down in the bathtub, and I can't get up.”

*

Actually, I had fallen into the tub.

I should let readers imagine how that happened.
Think about how I could have fallen into my bathtub.

Let your minds wander.

I'd love to hear your answers, instead of the mundane answer I'm about to give.

*

As I said, I had finished my shower.

And then...came that
twist of fate.

But first:


Centrifugal force is ubiquitous in our daily lives. We experience it when we round a corner in a car or when an airplane banks into a turn. We see it in the spin cycle of a washing machine or when children ride on a merry-go-round. One day it may even provide artificial gravity for space ships...




I guess this particular twist involved both centrifugal and centripetal forces.
If so, both did a good job, and should be congratulated.
Some day I may experience artificial gravity, but this time it didn't occur.

It was these two forces and gravity that brought me down.

*

There used to be a large disc in the funhouse at Lakeside Amusement Park in Colorado.
It rotated very fast.
The spinning began slowly, then gradually increased.
Humans who sat on the large disc were wont to get thrown off, and especially those who had been standing.
You held onto the wooden pancake for dear life, but eventually you were tossed off, and the friction usually rubbed off a considerable amount of epidermis.

*


My TWIST OF FATE was not so fun, but its velocity was on the same footing as the spinning disc.

Mine had an oval disc:
the toilet seat.

The holy seat did not spin until I put one of my feet on it to dry my toes.

The seat twisted, and w h o o s h!
I fell backwards into the bathtub.
I grabbed the rack behind the toilet, but it didn't stop my falling.
On my way into the bathtub I grabbed the shower curtains, and they came down with me as I jackknifed into the tub.


To be continued...


IT'S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES AND FATE














Friday, July 07, 2017

BAD DICTION


BAD DICTION


This post is from many years back.  I wanted to give myself some comic relief amidst the present political maelstrom.


"I hear the voices, and I read the front page, and I know the speculation.
But I'm the decider (not dictator [sic]) and I decide what's best."
 
 Rose Garden, Washington D.C., April 18, 2006


The Long War President has spoken.
He hears the voices!
But the voices he hears are not delivering fine-tuned language.
Is decider an actual word in the English language?
Yes.
Is it a very good word?
Not really.
But the Long War President is in the habit of using bad words.
Not bad as in scatological. Just bad.
As in bad diction.
Examples:


1. "If the terriers and bariffs (barriers and tariffs) are torn down, this economy will grow." 
Rochester, New York, January 7, 2001

2. "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." 
-Washington, D.C., 5 August 2004

3. "Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB/GYN's aren't able to practice their love with women all across the country."
 

-Campaign speech at Poplar Bluff, Missouri, 6 September 2004

4. "I can only speak to myself." 
-George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., April 28, 2005

5. "We look forward to hearing your vision, so we can more better do our job. That's what I'm telling you." 
-George W. Bush, Gulfport, Miss., Sept. 20, 2005 

6. "I'm looking forward to a good night's sleep on the soil of a friend."
 

-George W. Bush, on visiting Denmark, Washington D.C., June 29, 2005

7. "See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda." 
-George W. Bush, Greece, N.Y., May 24, 2005

8. "It's in our country's interests to find those who would do harm to us and get them out of harm's way." 
-George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., April 28, 2005

9. "But Iraq has - have got people there that are willing to kill, and they're hard-nosed killers. And we will work with the Iraqis to secure their future." 
-George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., April 28, 2005

10. "Who could have possibly envisioned an erection - an election in Iraq at this point in history?" 
-George W. Bush, at the White House, Washington, D.C., Jan. 10, 2005






IT'S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES AND DICTION

Monday, July 03, 2017

BROTHERLY CONVERSATION








Second brother: 

Snakes?

First brother: 
Mountain Real Estate for the Homeless.



Second brother: 
Homeless snakes?



 First brother
Some judge the homeless as snakes.




Second brother: 
What about rabbits?




First brother: 
Those have all been eaten.




Second brother: 
By homeless wolves?




First brother: 
Homeless here wear wolves clothing.




Second brother: 
So the homeless, here, are sheep?




First brother: 
Yes. They act very sheepish.



Second brother: 
Nothing is cheap for sheep.





 First brother
Cheap sheep dwell in forest abodes.




Second brother:
Oh.



IT'S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES AND THE HOMELESS


Tuesday, June 06, 2017

FIRE AND SMOKE BUT NO COLLUSION IN THE TRUMP WHITE HOUSE (WITH OR WITHOUT HIS HEAD)





President Trump:
Please, don't take away my phone. I have to tweet!

Aide:
Donald, you have to stop tweeting so much.

President Trump:
No. Orangutan must Tweet...Tweet...Tweet!

Aide:
Your tweets make you sound like a nut case.

President Trump:
Jobs, jobs, jobs...
Whaboom!



IT'S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES