Friday, July 21, 2017

TWIST OF FATE ON THE TOILET SEAT





LAKESIDE AMUSEMENT PARK


The Fun House -- an iconic attraction mentioned most by old-school Lakeside visitors -- that was located where the Dragon now sits was one of the most visually notable parts of the park. A giant, animated papier-mâché puppet woman known as "Laffing Sal" greeted riders there with her hysterical cackle; word is she may still be in storage somewhere in the park.



*

No, this is not about Donald Trump.

But Because of Donald J. Trump our fate (and the world's) is inside the toilet.

Not on the seat.

*

TALE OF THE TUB

I had finished my shower on August 10, 2010.
It was mid-morning.

I should have had a Tarot reading before my shower.

I should have had someone do my bio-rhythm (I don't have the faintest idea what a bio-rhythm is. I just remember it from the seventies when it was being read.)

In fact, I did have mine read after I had had an accident in my Datsun truck, driving down Boulder Canyon.
I flipped the truck on a nasty curve.
I believe it was March 7 or 10, 1971.

Laura (Laura then, but later Madhavi---not the Indian actress.) read my bio-rhythm after my accident.

She told me that my bio-rhythm was very low that day.
She told me it wasn't a good day to be driving.
Later, I asked her what her name meant.
She said it meant divine light.

*

I should have done many things.

I didn't know, nor did I think about what my fate would be that morning.

Who ever does?

Well, maybe some of us do.

*

Nobody else was home.

And I was soon to become the person in the television commercial who says “I've fallen down and I can't get up.”
Except in my case it was“I've fallen down in the bathtub, and I can't get up.”

*

Actually, I had fallen into the tub.

I should let readers imagine how that happened.
Think about how I could have fallen into my bathtub.

Let your minds wander.

I'd love to hear your answers, instead of the mundane answer I'm about to give.

*

As I said, I had finished my shower.

And then...came that
twist of fate.

But first:


Centrifugal force is ubiquitous in our daily lives. We experience it when we round a corner in a car or when an airplane banks into a turn. We see it in the spin cycle of a washing machine or when children ride on a merry-go-round. One day it may even provide artificial gravity for space ships...




I guess this particular twist involved both centrifugal and centripetal forces.
If so, both did a good job, and should be congratulated.
Some day I may experience artificial gravity, but this time it didn't occur.

It was these two forces and gravity that brought me down.

*

There used to be a large disc in the funhouse at Lakeside Amusement Park in Colorado.
It rotated very fast.
The spinning began slowly, then gradually increased.
Humans who sat on the large disc were wont to get thrown off, and especially those who had been standing.
You held onto the wooden pancake for dear life, but eventually you were tossed off, and the friction usually rubbed off a considerable amount of epidermis.

*


My TWIST OF FATE was not so fun, but its velocity was on the same footing as the spinning disc.

Mine had an oval disc:
the toilet seat.

The holy seat did not spin until I put one of my feet on it to dry my toes.

The seat twisted, and w h o o s h!
I fell backwards into the bathtub.
I grabbed the rack behind the toilet, but it didn't stop my falling.
On my way into the bathtub I grabbed the shower curtains, and they came down with me as I jackknifed into the tub.


To be continued...


IT'S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES AND FATE














Friday, July 07, 2017

BAD DICTION


BAD DICTION


This post is from many years back.  I wanted to give myself some comic relief amidst the present political maelstrom.


"I hear the voices, and I read the front page, and I know the speculation.
But I'm the decider (not dictator [sic]) and I decide what's best."
 
 Rose Garden, Washington D.C., April 18, 2006


The Long War President has spoken.
He hears the voices!
But the voices he hears are not delivering fine-tuned language.
Is decider an actual word in the English language?
Yes.
Is it a very good word?
Not really.
But the Long War President is in the habit of using bad words.
Not bad as in scatological. Just bad.
As in bad diction.
Examples:


1. "If the terriers and bariffs (barriers and tariffs) are torn down, this economy will grow." 
Rochester, New York, January 7, 2001

2. "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." 
-Washington, D.C., 5 August 2004

3. "Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB/GYN's aren't able to practice their love with women all across the country."
 

-Campaign speech at Poplar Bluff, Missouri, 6 September 2004

4. "I can only speak to myself." 
-George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., April 28, 2005

5. "We look forward to hearing your vision, so we can more better do our job. That's what I'm telling you." 
-George W. Bush, Gulfport, Miss., Sept. 20, 2005 

6. "I'm looking forward to a good night's sleep on the soil of a friend."
 

-George W. Bush, on visiting Denmark, Washington D.C., June 29, 2005

7. "See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda." 
-George W. Bush, Greece, N.Y., May 24, 2005

8. "It's in our country's interests to find those who would do harm to us and get them out of harm's way." 
-George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., April 28, 2005

9. "But Iraq has - have got people there that are willing to kill, and they're hard-nosed killers. And we will work with the Iraqis to secure their future." 
-George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., April 28, 2005

10. "Who could have possibly envisioned an erection - an election in Iraq at this point in history?" 
-George W. Bush, at the White House, Washington, D.C., Jan. 10, 2005






IT'S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES AND DICTION

Monday, July 03, 2017

BROTHERLY CONVERSATION








Second brother: 

Snakes?

First brother: 
Mountain Real Estate for the Homeless.



Second brother: 
Homeless snakes?



 First brother
Some judge the homeless as snakes.




Second brother: 
What about rabbits?




First brother: 
Those have all been eaten.




Second brother: 
By homeless wolves?




First brother: 
Homeless here wear wolves clothing.




Second brother: 
So the homeless, here, are sheep?




First brother: 
Yes. They act very sheepish.



Second brother: 
Nothing is cheap for sheep.





 First brother
Cheap sheep dwell in forest abodes.




Second brother:
Oh.



IT'S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES AND THE HOMELESS


Tuesday, June 06, 2017

FIRE AND SMOKE BUT NO COLLUSION IN THE TRUMP WHITE HOUSE (WITH OR WITHOUT HIS HEAD)





President Trump:
Please, don't take away my phone. I have to tweet!

Aide:
Donald, you have to stop tweeting so much.

President Trump:
No. Orangutan must Tweet...Tweet...Tweet!

Aide:
Your tweets make you sound like a nut case.

President Trump:
Jobs, jobs, jobs...
Whaboom!



IT'S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES



















Sunday, May 14, 2017

WHOLE NUTS OR HALF NUTS?




I want to thank a company that I called to complain that my can of deluxe whole cashews had too many half nuts.

I love cashews, and so does my little chihuahua.

I give her the half pieces.

I didn't tell the company this.

The company mailed me enough coupons to buy another can of my deluxe whole cashews!



IT'S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES AND NUTS





Monday, April 24, 2017

SEEING STARS IN KABUL




July 4, 1977. 
As usual, Betty, Michael, Jon and I are together, this time at a picnic on the U.S. Embassy.
 The U.S. Ambassador to Afghanistan and his wife are attending.
I remember our Peace Corps Director was out on the field playing cricket.
It was a warm but windy day.

I went to get some food, and then walked to a canvas-canopied seating area where people were sitting on metal folding chairs. 
I saw a vacant chair and sat down. (A person told me that the U.S. ambassador's wife had just left from this chair). 
 I planned to give her seat back when she returned.

I was getting ready to eat when a sudden gust of wind blew down the tent covering, and one of the large metal poles fell down on my head.
I remember seeing stars...yes, it's true, and not only in the cartoons...and then both eyelids began closing...and darkness came...and I said to myself, "No, I don't want to die now...or pass out!" And then my eyelids started opening, and the darkness disappeared, the stars faded, and it was light again. 

The U.S. Embassy nurse sewed some stitches on the back of my head where the tall pole had struck, and advised me to take it easy.
Betty, who had worked as a nurse at one time herself, was upset that the embassy nurse hadn't kept me for observation for at least a little while.
Betty asked in her raspy voice, "Do you have a headache? Do you feel nauseous?" 
To both questions I answered no, but Betty said that I should notify the medical office as soon as I had any of these symptoms.
Had the pole fallen below my skull just an inch lower, it might have killed me.


IT'S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES

Monday, March 27, 2017

HOMO MACHINA




Ray Kurzweil says when we live in a cybernetic society we will have computers in our brains and machines will be smarter than human beings. 

He claims this is already happening with technology - especially with our addiction to our phones - and says the next step is to wire this technology into our brains.

Singularity is when carbon and silicon-based intelligence will merge to form a single global consciousness.

That leads to computers having human intelligence, our putting them inside our brains, connecting them to the cloud, expanding who we are.”   


Ray Kurzweil, Google's Director of Engineering

 
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-4319436/Singularity-create-super-humans-Google-expert-claims.html#ixzz4bWhQR2bT
 

Also:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-4431314/Elon-Musk-mission-link-human-brains-computers-4-yrs-report.html






Expanding...


Who...

We are.


But who are we?

*

Forget about Charles Darwin, evolution, and Natural Selection.

Men are doing the selecting.
Men are determining evolution.

As Donald Trump likes to say, “It's going to be a beautiful thing.”

Or not.


*

The U.S. Congress needs to have computers in their brains.

They need to be put in the cloud.


So does Donald J. Trump.


ASAP.


*

IT'S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES AND BRAINS




*



CEREBRAL ORGANOIDS


http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-3825201/Brains-grown-OUTSIDE-human-body-Recipe-creating-working-organs-jar-revealed.html


The goal for many researchers is to develop a brain exactly like a human's.
But some researchers say this would be a step too far.
Dr Martin Coath, from the Cognition Institute at the University of Plymouth, questioned why anyone would ever want to create a 'real' human brain.
'A human brain that was 'fully working' would be conscious, have hopes, dreams, feel pain, and would ask questions about what we were doing to it,' he said.

'Something we have grown in the lab, but on a much simpler level than a human brain, might be hooked up to electronic eyes, ears, and hands and be taught to do something - maybe something that is as sophisticated as many simple living creatures.
'That doesn't seem so far off to me.'