Monday, December 16, 2019

THE NAKED GIRL IN THE BEAR CLAW FOOT BATHTUB





I guess I knew who Frodo was back then, but I didn't think I'd see her naked, taking a bath in one of those old-time porcelain bathtubs with bear claws.
But there she was, Frodo, a naked girl who could have fallen out of a Botticelli painting.

The kitchen was right next to the bathroom.
All present in the apartment were as usual in the kitchen, waiting to eat, or preparing food, so we saw Frodo, and she saw us, with no shame or complaint.

She wasn't doing that much bathing.

Just sitting.

Soaking up the moment.

Richie was the name of her boyfriend.
He looked like a big mouse.
He had a long nose.
And like a mouse, he had whiskers that made him look like a mouse.
He even had a squeaky voice.
I couldn't figure out what Frodo saw in him.
Oh well, one doesn't always know what makes humans do what they do.

The main activity of Richie was growing his pot plants. I mean, I don't think he did anything else.
Well, he smoked cigarettes. And he complained all the time that there wasn't anything to eat. He never bought food, but he sure could eat the food of others.

Frodo and Richie were just one more scene from within the Boulder Bohemian apartment on Pearl Street where I lived off and on for a number of years.

The building had allegedly once been a brothel,
and the apartment where I lived was once in a flood, and under water.
There were quite a few floods in Boulder. The following years refer to the major floods in Boulder County’s recorded past as noted in Boulder’s Floods and Flood Management: Past & Present, City of Boulder 2016:
1844, Month unknown
1864, May and June
1876, May
1894, May
1897, June
1909, July
1914, June

One day Frodo and Richie left, going somewhere else.




IT'S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES AND THE NAKED GIRL IN THE BEAR CLAW FOOT BATHTUB






Saturday, November 23, 2019

UNICORN POOP




'By putting out cotton candy flavor and - what is it - unicorn poop flavor, look, this is a kid product and we have to put the kids first,' Mitt Romney argued. 







I quit smoking a long time ago.
Nicotine.

I stopped the pot smoking an even longer time ago.

But if I still smoked, I'd vape.

I'd grab that unicorn poop flavor pronto, and inhale the shi* out of it.


Literally inhale the poop out of it!


I just hope there's a picture of a unicorn on my vaping device.




IT'S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES AND UNICORN POOP


Friday, November 22, 2019

TURKEYS DON'T FLY







Although I don't fly much (turkeys don't either), I was glad to see that if I wanted to I could place my cooked turkey into a carry on luggage.

I don't want to do that.

I want to bring a live turkey.

*

My turkey, Sam, is my companion and service animal.
I am deathly afraid of dogs because of a childhood trauma event, which I won't go into.

Sam is quiet and respectful.
I would never eat him unless there was no more food after my plane crashed.

Gobble, gobble, gobble.




IT'S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES AND TURKEYS






'''''

Thursday, October 03, 2019

BREAKING NEWS





When I cannot stand listening to any more interminable, breaking news I switch to my Light Classical Baroque channel, or to the channel with Contemporary Instrumentals; but if I'm highly irritated by the steady drone of Cable news, I go to the channel with Hard Rock.
I don't drink or use drugs (except my diabetes and heart meds), or I would be dead by now.


IT'S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES AND BREAKING NEWS





Thursday, September 05, 2019

MR. SHARPIE AND TWEETOMANIA




The other three men look puzzled.  Do they think Trump is off his rocker?








I called up the folks at Sharpie and I said, “Do me a favor, can you make the pen in black?" Trump said. “Can you make it look rich?”



Donald Trump's signature is not indicative of a stable genius.

If your son or daughter had penmanship like his, what would you think?

Maybe Trump is afraid of earthquakes, and his signature is a seismic reflection of his fear.

Nonetheless, Trump's ego is alive and well.
At least alive.

His Sharpie pen has a mind of its own.
it goes where it wants to go, and Trump follows.

His sharpie doesn't tweet, so Trump must.

Trump has Tweetomania.

He would go nuts (more than he already is) if he couldn't tweet.



IT'S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES TWEETOMANIA AND MR. SHARPIE

Sunday, September 01, 2019

MISS LUCY AND MISTER HOMO

















In my eighth-grade art class I made a sculpture that resembled these recently found skulls.
Especially the full cranial reconstruction (on the right).

My mother thought I was Picasso or Rodin (I'm not sure she knew who Rodin was).

She loved my ugly, little sculpture that was supposed to be a self-portrait.
I think she discarded all my personal things except this one little sculpture.
Archaeologists will have to do some digging to find out where it is now.

Man's itch to find out his origins (and his rib-mate woman's origins) is never-ending.
I don't have this particular psoriasis.
I am more concerned with modern man and his existence right now---which seems more and more precarious.

Who really needs to know about Neanderthals or the evolution of Homo Sapiens when we have our Netflix and YouTube?



IT'S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES AND OLD BONES




Wednesday, August 21, 2019

THE CHOSEN ONE AND MORE CHOPPER TALK




There is something rotten in Denmark.
Denmark won't give me Greenland...I mean, sell me Greenland.
Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen is nasty.
Women can be, as they say, nasty.
They sometimes beat your behind with a magazine, and do other things.
If I can't have Greenland, then I'll just have to settle with Trumpland where there are a lot of greens, if you know what I mean.
No, I don't mean vegetables; I'm talking about the greens on a golf course.
I am the chosen one.
People have chosen me to lead them.
I lead---they follow.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
There was no collusion.




IT'S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES AND GREENLAND

Saturday, July 20, 2019

BOWLING BALLS AND SPEAR GUNS










I know my local grocery store just wants to make sure that I have found “everything” by asking if I have found everything.


But EVERY THING?


Sometimes I'll tell the cashier:
No, I couldn't find the spear guns or bowling balls.”


Impertinent me.


They act surprised, and say, “Oh, we don't carry those.


I shouldn't complain.


Sometimes (though I don't remember when) I might have forgotten to get something, and their inquiry helped me.



IT'S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES AND EVERYTHING


Wednesday, July 17, 2019

RACIST


Trump didn't say “I don't have a brain in my body.”
Trump didn't say “I don't have a soul in my body”.
Trump said “I don't have a racist bone in my body.”






rac·ist
/ˈrāsəst/
noun

  1. a person who shows or feels discrimination or prejudice against people of other races, or who believes that a particular race is superior to another.
    "the comments have led to her being called a racist"
synonyms:
racial bigot, racialist, xenophobe, chauvinist; More




adjective

  1. showing or feeling discrimination or prejudice against people of other races, or believing that a particular race is superior to another.
    "we are investigating complaints about racist abuse at the club"

*

The little mushroom-endowed president doesn't have a racist bone in his body.
The first part of this statement is true.
If Donald Trump imagines that a racist is someone who races, then he is not a racist.

Trump talks like a racist.
Does that make him a racist?
The Democrats, the left, the socialists, the haters of America will answer that question with a yes.
The Republicans, the right, the Trumpeteers (or Trumpists?) will say no.
What do you think?

Will you vote for this pequeño hongo---this petit champignon ---in 2020?



IT'S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES AND RACISTS


















Tuesday, July 02, 2019

TRUMP'S FOURTH OF JULY CELEBRATION





President Trump:
At my Fourth of July Celebration Stephen Miller will flap his arms like a bald eagle.”



*



Reporter:
President Trump, will you ride inside a tank and wave to the people?



Trump:
Yes. I need America and the world to know that I'm a big patriot. My tailor is also making me a suit that will
wrap me inside the American flag.
My tie is beautiful!



Reporter:
Mr. President, some people say that with tanks and other things you have put yourself in the same mold as authoritarian regimes such as Russia, Iran, North Korea.


Trump:
Good. America has nothing to be ashamed of. Not even me. We should strut our military proudly. Thank you. Happy Fourth of July.




IT'S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES TANKS AND TRUMP

Monday, June 17, 2019

Basophobia








Basophobia, n. the fear and/or dislike of falling down, or the inability to stand.

Drop the B and add an s after the first a.
That's my phobia.
Assophobia.
Yes, that's right, a fear of falling on (or onto) my ass.
And if the word ass offends you, then you might also be offended by grass and brass.

*

I once had a student who jumped down my throat because I used the word ass in class.
I forget now why, but I would sometimes tell a student he or she wasn't a dumb ass, just a smart ass. Boy, that got a bad reaction.
I know---it wasn't appropriate---but it felt right at the time, and it felt good saying it.
Anyway, I told the class that the word ass is in the Bible many times (*see bottom of the page).
They were aghast...or agassed.

*

Another time I said Amen in class after something I had said, and a student asked why I said amen.
I told him it meant truth.
He didn't believe me.
I told him I would bring the evidence to class the next day. I did.
He wasn't too impressed, and still seemed skeptical.

*

President Trump wasn't too shy about saying shithole (country):

Washington (CNN)President Donald Trump expressed frustration behind closed doors with people coming to the US from "shithole countries," sources told CNN on Thursday.

One of the sources briefed on the Thursday Oval Office meeting with lawmakers confirmed Trump asked, "Why do we want all these people from 'shithole countries' coming here?"


Putting ass in front of hole is probably worse than putting shit in front of hole.
Or maybe not.
What do you think?
Both sound bad, but each is a horse of a different color.
I like to mix metaphors.

*

Euphemisms make the original word(s) sound bad, inappropriate, taboo.

We say bottom, rear end, and butt instead of ass. But even saying butt sounds bad. I'm not opposed to these substitutes.

Damn it...I mean darn it...I almost fell off my chair.



*Naves Topical Index
Ass
Domesticated
Used:

For carrying burdens
Genesis 42:262 Samuel 16:1Isaiah 30:6

For drawing chariots
Isaiah 21:7

For food
2 Kings 6:25

Not to be yoked with an ox
Deuteronomy 22:10
Rest on SabbathExodus 23:12
Bridles forProverbs 26:3
Jawbone of, used by Samson with which to slay PhilistinesJudges 15:15-17
Firstlings of, redeemedExodus 13:13Exodus 34:20

Smith's Bible Dictionary
Ass
Five Hebrew names of the genus Asinus occur in the Old Testament.
  1. Chamor denotes the male domestic ass.
  2. Athon , the common domestic she-ass.
  3. Air , the name of a wild ass, which occurs (Genesis 32:1549:11)
  4. Pere , a species of wild ass mentioned (Genesis 12:16)
  5. Arod occurs only in (Job 39:5) but in what respect it differs from the Pere is uncertain. The ass in eastern countries is a very different animal from what he is in western Europe. The most noble and honorable amongst the Jews were wont to be mounted on asses. (With us the ass is a symbol of stubbornness and stupidity, while in the East it is especially remarkable for its patience, gentleness, intelligence, meek submission and great power of endurance."
    L. Abbott. The color is usually a reddish brown, but there are white asses, which are much prized. The ass was the animal of peace as the horse was the animal of war; hence the appropriateness of Christ in his triumphal entry riding on an ass. The wild ass is a beautiful animal.
    ED.) Mr. Lavard remarks that in fleetness the wild ass (Asinus hemippus) equals the gazelle and to overtake it is a feat which only one or two of the most celebrated mares have been known to accomplish.

Webster's 1828 Dictionary
Ass
'ASSnoun [Latin asinus; Gr. an ear.]
1. A quadruped of the equine genus. This animal has long slouching ears, a short mane, and a tail covered with long hairs at the end. He is usually of an ash color, with a black bar across the shoulders. The tame or domestic ass is patient to stupidity, and carries a heavy burden. He is slow, but very sure footed, and for this reason very useful on rough steep hills.
2. A dull, heavy, stupid fellow; a dolt.



I'TS ABOUT RENEWABLE ENERGY