ON POCKETS

I love pockets.

Once when I was down and out I bought an army coat that had ubiquitous pockets.

The pockets of this long, green coat were inside, outside, up, and down.

I guess with so many pockets (but so little to put inside them), this coat made me feel a little less down and out.

If I wore a shirt without a front pocket I would feel naked.

I have two shirts that have two pockets at the top and bottom.

Pens in one pocket.
Pills in another pocket.
Gum and snacks in another pocket.
And another pocket for whatever else I need one for.

I guess you could call me
The
Marsupial
Man.

DRONES AND BOMBS AWAY OVER PAKISTAN

"Thousands of tribesmen on Saturday attended the funeral prayers of the victims of Friday’s drone attacks in the North and South Waziristan Agencies. They condemned the killings and asked US President Barack Obama to spend the money on the welfare of the tribal people instead of killing them with sophisticated weapons. . . They claimed that all those killed in the attack were innocent and local villagers, who had nothing to do with militancy or Taliban."

Obama
The man
Is
Not
Doing
La Bamba
In Pakistan
He’s
Doing
La BOMBA
To get
The Taliban .

COMING OUT OF BUSH'S BOX NOT PANDORA'S

GWB:
Dick? Bush.

DC:
Quack! What’s up?

GWB:
Not my pants. It looks like they’re coming down pretty soon.

DC:
But why? You’re not the President anymore.

GWB:
That’s right…but I’m not the emperor either.

DC:
So what’s the problem?

GWB:
Obama’s Executive Order on Presidential Records.

DC:
Quack! I guess that might strip you of your records…and your clothes.

GWB:
It looks as if Laura and I will be heading down to South America quicker than we had planned.

DC:
Quack!

GWB:
O.K. Have to go. Me and Laura are working on our Memoirs.

DC:
Quack!



THEY WERE STUPID LIARS!

MURDERING AN OATH

Supreme Court:
O.K. Here’s the situation. We’re about to swear in a new president, but he’s not white.

Supreme Court Aide:
But, sir, Justice is supposed to be blind.

Supreme Court:
Yes, but NOT color-blind.

Supreme Court Aide:
What are your plans?

Supreme Court:
We’re asking Justice Roberts to screw with…I mean screw up the oath when he swears in Mr. Obama.

Supreme Court Aide: Is it legal?

Supreme Court:
Legal-Schmegal…who cares. We can’t have a colored messiah-man at the helm.

Supreme Court Aide:
But what if Obama just has the oath administered again?

Supreme Court:
We hope he doesn’t, but we’ll make sure that a Bible isn’t there this time. Using Lincoln’s Bible was an outrage.

Supreme Court Justice:
O.K. I’ll get your robes cleaned and pressed for the inauguration.

Supreme Court:
Yes. And put in plenty of starch. We want to appear upright and starched.


***


"I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States."


There was a false start by Obama, who started to respond before Roberts had completed the first phrase. Obama ended up saying the first two words---“I, Barack”---twice.

Then there was an awkward pause after Roberts prompted Obama with these words: “That I will execute the office of president to the United States faithfully.” The chief justice seemed to say “to” rather than “of,” but that was not the main problem. The main problem was that the word “faithfully” had floated upstream in the constitutional text, which actually says this: “That I will faithfully execute the office of president of the United States.”

Obama seemed to realize this, pausing quizzically after saying, “that I will execute.”

Roberts gave it another try, getting closer but still not quite right with this: “Faithfully the office of president of the United States.” He omitted the word “execute.”

Obama now repeated Roberts' initial error of putting “faithfully” at the end. Starting where he had abruptly paused, he said, “The office of president of the United States faithfully.”

[From http://primebuzz.kcstar.com]

SEND IN THE CLONES

The burning President Bush is out.

Of office.

But the flames.

The cinders.

Are still smoking.

I want to believe that President Barack H. Obama is going to be much different than George W. Bush.

Actions will be the true voice of change.

Rhetoric will not change us or the world.

We will see.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Now that you have won.
Lead us to the sun.
Together as one.

READING BETWEEN THE LINES

January 12, 2009

Press Conference by the President

James S. Brady Press Briefing Room


[This is a very abbreviated and edited version]

THE PRESIDENT:

Thank you. Tapper.
[I almost said “Topper]

We have been through a lot together. As I look through the room,
[My eyesight is much better than my hindsight]

I see Jake, Mike, Herman, Ann Compton. Just seemed like yesterday that--that I was on the campaign trail and you were analyzing my speeches and my policies. And I see a lot of faces that travel with me around the world and -- to places like Afghanistan and Iraq and Africa.
[Where many of those faces are now ghosts]

I see some new faces, which goes to show there's some turnover in this business.
[My favorite turnover is apple]

Through it all, it's been -- I have respected you.
[But not myself]

Sometimes didn't like the stories that you wrote or reported on.
[Like those stories on my fraudulent war in Iraq]

Sometimes you misunderestimated me.
[And sometimes---I estimate---I’ve been under miss]

And so here at the last press conference, I'm interested in answering some of your questions.

Q:
Thank you for those comments, Mr. President. Here's a question. I'm wondering if you plan to ask Congress for the remaining $350 billion in bail money. And in terms of the timing, if you do that before you leave office, sir, are you motivated in part to make life a little easier for President-
Elect Obama?

THE PRESIDENT:
[Well, first of all, that word “bail” brings to mind other connotations…you know, like bail for jail]

I have talked to the President-elect about this subject. And I told him that if he felt that he needed the $350 billion, I would be willing to ask for it.
[I have been very good at asking for money, getting it, and spending it]

In other words, if he felt it needed to happen on my watch.
[I’ve got a Micky Mouse watch]

Q:
So you haven't made the request yet?

THE PRESIDENT:
Well, he hasn't asked me to make the request yet. And I don't intend to make the request unless he specifically asks me to make it.
And that lunch the other day was interesting, to have two guys who are nearly 85, two 62-year-olders, and a 47-year-old -- kind of the classic generational statement.
And President-Elect Obama is fixing…to get sworn in…
[And the American people are swearing to celebrate when I get out]

and then they'll have the lunch and all the -- you know, all the deal up there on Capitol Hill.
[Same deal…just different cards]
And then he'll come back and go through [Not around] the inauguration and then he'll walk in the Oval Office [After he walks into the Oval Office], and there will be a moment when the responsibilities of the President land squarely on his shoulders.
[Plus all of the screw-ups from my administration]

Q:
Thank you, Mr. President. Do you believe that the Gaza conflict will have ended by the time you leave office? Do you approve of the way that Israel has conducted it? And why were you unable to achieve the peace deal that you had sought?

THE PRESIDENT:
Remind me of the three points, will you, because I'm getting –
[Dumber and dumber]

Q:
Will it end by the time you leave office? Do you approve of th---

THE PRESIDENT:
I hope so. I'm for a sustainable cease-fire.
[Because there has been a lot of bloody stains and fire]

And a definition of a sustainable cease-fire is that Hamas stops firing rockets into Israel. And there will not be a sustainable cease-fire if they continue firing rockets.
[So---as long as Israel has a stranglehold on Gaza---the rockets will continue to get fired…and bombing Gaza will not cease]

Q:
Do you approve of the Israeli conduct in this?

THE PRESIDENT:
I think Israel has a right to defend herself. Why haven't we achieved peace? That's a good question. It's been a long time since they've had peace in the Middle East.
[So long I can’t remember when…can you?]

Step one is to have a vision for what peace would look like.
[Not like my vision of bombing Iraq. That was God’s idea---not mine---but it gave me the vision I needed]

And in 2002, on the steps of the Rose Garden, I gave a speech about a two-state solution---two states, two democracies living side by side in peace. And we have worked hard to advance that idea.
[I’m just not sure what the hard work is that was done…are you?]

Q:
And what is the greatest and most urgent threat when it comes to security that Barack Obama has to deal with?

THE PRESIDENT:
The most urgent threat that he'll have to deal with, and other Presidents after him will have to deal with, is an attack on our homeland.
[I like to use that word “homeland” because I’m going to land in my new home soon]

You know, I wish I could report that's not the case, but there's still an enemy out there that would like to inflict damage on America---
[Enemies such as tainted tomatoes…or peanut butter with salmonella in it or…]

Q:
You said in an interview earlier this weekend, one of these, I guess, exit interviews, that---

THE PRESIDENT:
This is the ultimate exit interview.
[Well, I guess except for kicking the bucket]

Q:
---that you think the Republican Party needs to be more inclusive. Who needs to hear that message inside the Republican Party?

THE PRESIDENT:
You see, I am concerned that, in the wake of the defeat, that the temptation will be to look inward and to say, well, here's a litmus test you must adhere to.
[Because looking inward might make you see your conscience]

This party will come back. But the party's message has got to be that different points of view are included in the party.
And so my point was…is that our party has got to be compassionate and broad-minded.
[And passionate and mindful of broads…well, I guess that party’s been going on for some time]

I remember the 1964 elections. My dad happened to be running for the United States Senate then and, you know, got landslided with the Johnson landslide in the state of Texas.
[Landslide? Which mountain was that and where was it in Texas?]

Q:
In the past, when you've been asked to address bad poll numbers or your own popularity, you've said that history will judge that you did the right thing, that you thought you did the right thing. But without getting into your motives or your goals, I think a lot of people, including Republicans, including some members of your own administration, have been disappointed at the execution of some of your ideals, whether Iraq or Katrina or the economy. What would your closing message be to the American people about the execution of these goals?

THE PRESIDENT:
Well, first of all, hard things don't happen overnight, Jake.
[But bad things can]

And when the history of Iraq is written, historians will analyze, for example, the decision on the surge. The situation was--- looked like it was going fine and then violence for a period of time began to throw---throw the progress of Iraq into doubt. And rather than accepting the status quo and saying, oh, it's not worth it or the politics makes it difficult or, you know, the party may end up being -- you know, not doing well in the elections because of the violence in Iraq, I decided to do something about it -- and sent 30,000 troops in as opposed to withdrawing.
[This last paragraph was way too wordy and kind of confusing]

Who best can spend your money, the government or you? And I have always sided with the people on that issue.
[I’ve sided with the people who spend your money, and I’ve spent more of your money than all previous presidents combined]

Now, obviously these are very difficult economic times. And I readily concede I chunked aside some of my free market principles [It just took me eight years to do so] [But I also chunked aside many moral principles when I became President] when I was told by chief economic advisors that the situation we were facing could be worse than the Great Depression.
And so, yes, look, there's plenty of critics in this business; I understand that. And I thank you for giving me a chance to defend a record that I am going to continue to defend, because I think it's a good, strong record.
[And I’m very defensive]

Q:
I'm just wondering, as you look back, why you think you engendered such passionate criticism, animosity, and do you have any message specifically to those---to that particular part of the spectrum of your critics?

THE PRESIDENT:
You know, most people I see, you know, when I'm moving around the country, for example, they're not angry.
[Just irate and hungry]

And they're not hostile people. And they -- we never meet people who disagree, that's just not true.
[If it's not true, why did I just say we didn’t meet people who disagreed?]

I've met a lot of people who don't agree with the decisions I make. But they have been civil in their discourse.
I don't know why they get angry. I don't know why they get hostile.
[Are they upset because I’ve bankrupted their country with wars?]

I'm the kind of person that, you know, is willing to take on hard tasks [Like getting rid of armadillos and brush], and in times of war people get emotional [and bloody]; I understand that. Never really, you know, spent that much time, frankly, worrying about the loud voices.
[I’ve ignored them for eight years]

I of course hear them, but they didn't affect my policy, nor did they affect -- affect how I made decisions.
[I just ignored them…because…I WAS THE DECIDER!]

I don't see how I can get back home in Texas and look in the mirror and be proud of what I see [Which is perfectly understandable]
if I allowed the loud voices, the loud critics, to prevent me from doing what I thought was necessary to protect this country.
[So---like a vampire---I have avoided looking at mirrors]

Q:
Mr. President, thank you very much. Since your philosophy is so different from President-Elect Obama's, what concerns you the most about what he may attempt to do?

THE PRESIDENT:
It's going to be---you know, he's going to get in the Oval Office, he's going to analyze each situation, and he's going to make the decisions that he think is necessary.
There is an enemy that still is out there.
[How many times do I need to remind you?]

You know, people can maybe try to write that off as, [As I have written off Osama bin Laden] you know, he's trying to set something up. [Obama not Osama…well, I guess both are trying to set something up]
I'm telling you there's an enemy that would like to attack America, Americans, again.
There just is. That's the reality of the world. And I wish him all the very best.
[Who? The enemy?]

Q:
And I'm not trying to play "gotcha," [Or hooch...Ah...] but I wonder, when you look back over the long arc of your presidency [Or in your case the long circle of shame and lies], do you think, in retrospect, that you have made any mistakes? And if so, what is the single biggest mistake that you may have made?

THE PRESIDENT:
I've thought long and hard about Katrina --
[I met her at Yale] you know, could I have done something differently, like land Air Force One either in New Orleans or Baton Rouge. The problem with that and -- is that law enforcement would have been pulled away from the mission. And then your questions, I suspect, would have been, how could you possibly have flown Air Force One into Baton Rouge [I don‘t even have a pilot‘s license]…

Q :
Mr. President, often Presidents go -- leave here; they say they're going to decompress, and then pretty soon they're right back in their office. I wonder how quickly you think you're going to be back at it, whether it's writing your book, whether it's speaking, whether it's traveling, whether it's --
[Doing some lines? Or pouring down a few?]

THE PRESIDENT:
You know, Mike, I don't know. Probably the next day. I'm a Type A personality [The A stands for alcohol], you know, I just -- I just can't envision myself, you know, the big straw hat and Hawaiian shirt sitting on some beach.
[Maybe the big cowboy hat in a cowboy shirt clearing some brush]
(Laughter.)


Q:
You arrived here wanting to be a uniter, not a divider. Do you think Barack Obama can be a uniter, not a divider? Or is -- with the challenges for any President and the unpopular decisions, is it impossible for any President to be uniter, not a divider?

THE PRESIDENT:
I hope the tone is different for him than it has been for me.
[Because I have been tone-deaf]
It's just the rhetoric got out of control at times --
[As well as my ability to use English]

Q:
Why?

THE PRESIDENT:
I don't know why. You need to ask those who -- those who used the words they used.
[Just don't ask me]

It has been a honor to work with you. I meant what I said when I first got up here.
[When did I get up here and what did I say?]

God bless you.

IT WAS THE OIL AND I WAS STUPID!

MOUNTAINS OF BLOOD

Bush the liar

Can now retire.

With mountains

Of cold blood.

That from his

His cold hands

Were put in sands.

Of our land.

And Babylon.

Leaving behind

A big fire.

Forever.

Within a

Quagmire.


IT IS AND ALWAYS WAS THE OIL STUPID!

IS OUR CHILDREN LEARNING TO READ BETWEEN THE LINES?

For Immediate Release
January 8, 2009
President Bush Discusses No Child Left Behind
General Philip Kearny School
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

[This is a very abbreviated and edited version. Mad Plato’s words are between brackets.]

THE PRESIDENT:
Thank you for the warm welcome.
[I need a lot of warmth to raise the temperature of my cold
job-approval rating]

And Laura and I are thrilled to be here at Kearny School. We bring greetings from the Nation's Capital, but more importantly, we bring appreciation for those who are working so hard to make sure that every child can learn.
[Like me]

You know, seven years ago today, I had the honor of signing a bill that forever changed America's school systems.
[I’m the Decider, but you can also call me the Tester and DeTester]

It was called the No Child Left Behind Act.
[Governor Ann Richards called it No Child’s Behind Left, but I think she was talking about physical education]

I firmly believe that thanks to this law, more students are learning...
[Learning more and more how to take tests]

I'm proud to be here with my buddy. I guess it's okay to call the Secretary of Education here "buddy." That means friend.
[I’m good with synonyms]

At the end of the presidency, you get to do a lot of "lasts." I don't know if you saw on TV, but I pardoned my last Thanksgiving turkey.
[But I’m getting ready to pardon the fowl deeds of other turkeys that served under me]
(Laughter.)

I hope you can tell that education is dear to my heart. I care a lot about whether or not our children can learn to read, write, and add and subtract.
[I don’t want them to become president unless they can read, write, add and subtract better than I can.]

Miller of California, Congressman Boehner of Ohio -- Republicans and Democrats who worked together to get this piece of legislation passed. I believe that in signing that bill we enacted the most sweeping education reforms in a long, long time.
[Reforms that have swept away creativity and the teaching of skills]

The key to measuring is to test.
[But is it the path, key, or best method for teaching and learning?]

And by the way, I've heard every excuse in the book why we should not test -- oh, there's too many tests; you teach the test; testing is intrusive; testing is not the role of government.
[And these are true]

How can you possibly determine whether a child can read at grade level if you don't test?
[You can’t. O.K. test children…but spend time teaching them first…instead of teaching them…
THE TEST!]

And for those who claim we're teaching the test, uh-uh. We're teaching a child to read so he or she can pass the test.
[Then why is so much time spent teaching and practicing the damn test instead of
JUST READING?]

The facts are, if you get too far behind in reading, for example, it's nearly impossible to catch up. That's why it's important to test early.
[O.K. But diagnostic testing is much different than constantly practicing for a test and teaching a test]

Measurement is essential to success. When schools fall short of standards year after year, something has to happen. In other words, there has to be a consequence in order for there to be effective reforms. And one such thing that can happen is parents can enroll their children in another school.
[You know…run away from the problems]

It's---to me, measurement is the gateway to true reform, and measurement is the best way to ensure parental involvement.
[Test parents, too! Test and Measure! Measure and Test! Shock and Awe! Teach when there’s any time left]

Instead of looking the other way when students are falling behind,
policymakers at all levels are now beginning to be focused on how to close the achievement gap. Achievement gap is---it means this: White students are reading here, and African American students are reading here, and Latino students are reading down here. And that is unacceptable for the United States of America.
[Isn’t segregation illegal?]

Laura and I have been privileged to travel to schools over the past eight years such as this. And you'd be amazed at what we get to see.
[Lots and lots of tests and lots and lots of benches with marks on them]

Thank you for letting us come by for the last policy address that we have been honored to make.
God bless you.
(Applause.)


TAKE THE TEST STUPID!

THE FAREWELL LEGACY TOUR AND LAST STAND OF GEORGE W. BUSH

TRAPPED
TORTURED
AND
BUBBLE-WRAPPED
IN
A PERMANENT
STATE OF DENIAL.

I’LL SHOOT FIRST
THEN YOU CAN ASK YOUR QUESTIONS.

I’M THE DECIDER AND THIS IS MY LAST WHIMPER.


He’s still smirking.

He’s still joking.

He’s still hibernating in a cave of dark denial.

His sweet and obsequious wife now sits right next to him.

They're so happy.

They're so grateful.

They're grateful and so relieved that there are only a handful of days left before they leave Washington, D.C.

Bush will receive a $311,000 per year Dallas office (8,000 square feet)---paid for with Federal money.

Here, the Decider can start scribbling his memoirs.

They are Memoirs that will unlikely be a best-seller---but who knows?

The most amazing thing about what George W. Bush is now saying is that it isn’t amazing at all.

But it has been Bush’s words and actions that have shocked us for the past eight years.

In the beginning, we giggled at his mispronunciations.

We thought that these gaffs were only fleeting and passing.

They were not.

Because we saw what one man could do to the world.

Stay tuned tomorrow night for Bush’s Farewell
Address.



IT WAS THE OIL STUPID!

ON GOD AND STATE

GOD

God created me and you.

We didn't evolve.

That's what dogs and monkeys do.

And other stuff.

Science is good.

Science can also be very bad.

Science gives us good stuff like toasters.

Science gives us bad stuff like bombs.

Humans are the scientists.

God created the scientists.

Blame God.

THE STATE

The City...

The State...

The Homeland...

Will NOT notify anyone about anything that it wishes to be done.

We will come into your lives…

Into your minds…

And into your yards without warning!

Citizens, you must obey...

Or pay!

IT’S IN THE GENES (NOT JEANS) STUPID!

NO MORE WORDS

It's God's fault.

He made the Tower of Babel.

Humans have been babbling ever since, and fighting their wars with and because of words.

There should be no languages.

Humans should just smile, frown, laugh and cry.

Words always get in the way.

DON'T BLAME IT ON GOD STUPID!

ON EPITHETS

Both Liberals and Conservatives (more so with conservatives) slam and sully one another by throwing their "label pies" into one another's faces.

This constant pigeon-holing and plastering with denigrating labels doesn't communicate very much.

They're empty, sarcastic, and negative epithets.

I've always liked Thomas Jefferson's political party:
Democratic Republican.

Yeah, maybe that's what I really "am"…
A Democratic Republican.

No more Independent labeling for me!



Governor Palin, as depicted on Saturday Night Live by Tina Fey, was a big, winking, joke.

Then during her final appearance, Sarah Palin was just being herself.


Palin had the goods in the "looks" department (well, some thought so)---
But not the "brains".

There is a wide chasm between smiling, winking cuteness---

And Wisdom.


Lincoln had limited experience before his presidency.

The quality and types of experiences may be more important than the prestige and titles associated with those experiences.

A community organizer versus a mayor/governor.

A resume is of less importance than I.Q.


I suppose if we make George Washington our frame of reference, then Sarah Palin qualifies, because she can shoot and kill, and she's had plenty of International experience from all that looking at Russia from Alaska.

But looking is less important than leading.


Barack Obama has four, long years to lead---

And it will be the world who'll be doing the looking.




OUTWARD SHOW IS A POOR SUBSTITUTE FOR INNER WORTH!

Q & A

Is now the right time for additional tax cuts?

It's probably not the right time, but is there any "right" time?

The economy needs help immediately.

Might as well give it this quick shot in the arm now rather than later.

I never expected NOT to pay MORE taxes down the road, so sure, go ahead and give me some more money now, I'll spend it, and hopefully this quick but temporary fix ("stimulus") will get the ball of recovery rolling.

But we citizens will be paying the piper for many years to come.

The price of Freedom is high, isn't it?

Is President-elect Obama making a mistake by remaining largely silent on the situation in Gaza?

President Bush and his administration have the reins of power, for good or bad, and no, Barack Obama, Joe Biden, and Hillary Clinton should not speak yet.
Obama respects the position and the fact of there being just one U.S. President at a time, as much as many would like Presiden-elect Obama to speak his mind.
I fear, however, that Obama’s administration will tow the same pro-Israel line that has been going on for more than half a century.
Israel will continue to receive their bombs and jets.
The Palestinians will remain as homeless prisoners, and violent resistance to their imprisonment and suffering will continue.
It’s high-time for real diplomacy…
PRESIDENT OBAMA!

Is Harry Reid calling President Bush, “The worst President we ever had,” an unnecessary cheap shot?

It is not cheap, but it’s an unnecessary shot, because the entire galaxy knows the extent to which Bush has achieved his epithet of being the Worst President.

It is insulting and infuriating that both Pelosi and Reid fire their rhetorical volleys, but don’t do a damn thing about investigating and impeaching this worst President.

I’m fed up with all of Congress.

I voted for change, but I’ll be shocked to see any REAL change come.

The corporate-military-industrial leviathan (or monster?) is just too big to slay or allay.

All must “play” along.

Until the Last Flower and the Last War.

Then all can begin again.

Do I sound depressed?

Well, not so depressed that I won’t cash a stimulus check.

IT'S NOT THE END STUPID!

PARDON ME?

GWB: Dick?

DC:
Quack!

GWB:
Just called to see if you’re all packed up to leave.

DC:
Quack! I’m getting there. Just have a few more safes to move out.

GWB:
Good. It’s almost time for me to give pardons.

DC:
Quack!

GWB:
The country won’t even notice, with all of the bad things that are happening all at once.

DC:
Quack!

GWB:
The destruction of Gaza by Israel is a Godsend, and will really help take attention away from my pardons.

DC:
Quack!

GWB:
Well, I want to add a few lines to my memoirs, so I’ll say Adios for now.

DC:
Quack!



IMPEACHMENT NOT PARDON STUPID!

TURNING BLUE

Mainstream television is becoming “bluer” and “bluer”.

More and more news stories have a “blue” edge.

Crime and tragedy have always been big “sellers” without much “blue”, but they’ve had plenty of “red”.

Personally, I prefer positive and up-lifting reports.

If it’s about a public safety issue, then I suppose some blood or mayhem might be necessary.

Today there was a news report that had a “blue” side (or at least a part of the man in the news story might have turned blue).

The report was about a naked man who entered the home of an eighty-eight year old woman.

She had left her door open so that her dog could come back in.

The woman had lived thirty-three years in the same home without incident.

The clothes-less intruder started pushing his body up against the woman, and she began saying, “No, no, no…”, and when she said, “Sweet Jesus…mother Mary”, the bare man stepped away, and this gave the woman an opportunity to take hold of the man’s crotch.

When she let go, the man---Michael Dick---yes, that’s his actual name---ran out of the house.

I was going to write that this news story had me by the _ _ _ _ _...

But I won't perpetuate the “going blue” trend.

P.S.

My favorite synonyms for the word “blue” are bawdy, naughty, spicy, and suggestive.

Dirty, indecent, obscene, risqué, smutty and wicked are synonyms that are too strong and somewhat pejorative (if that is possible).

P.S.S.

Anderson Cooper and Kathy Griffin hosted New Year's Eve on CNN. A “blue” moment occurred when Miss Griffin--maybe not knowing she was still live---yelled at a heckler, "I don't go to YOUR job and knock the dicks out of your mouth."

IT'S BLUE NOT RED!