ADVICE FROM GOD

“God was dealing with me. At 27 years old, I knew that I had been called to the ministry. I’ve just always been really stunned by how big a pulpit I was gonna have. I still am. I truly believe with all my heart that God has put me in this place at this time to do his will.”

Rick Perry

Characters:

God as Herself

Rick Perry as himself

Michele Bachmann as herself

Hermann Cain as himself

God:

O.K. This is for all of you to hear: Stop saying my name so much, or I’m taking you off of my list.

Rick Perry:

What list?

God:

My list of presidential candidates.

Hermann Cain:

Are you really God…Allah…or what?

God:

Watch it Mr. Cain!

Michele Bachmann:

What about “Lord, the day is at hand. We are in the last days. You are a Jehovah God…”

God:

No! That’s exactly what I’m talking about. Stop saying anything…unless I tell you to like I did George W. Bush.

Rick Perry:

You ARE a vengeful God!

Hermann Cain:

You must be a Democrat!

Michele Bachman:

And gay like my husband...oops!

IT'S THE OIL STUPID!

NO TO MAYHEM AND TORTURE AND CUT IT OUT BUT NOT OFF!

The Global (One World?) Economy is in the same (sinking!) Ship, and we must not let the Ship sink---

BUT many rich cats (i.e. rats) want to abandon the common good---

to abandon the World---

in order for their coffers to continue to be filled.

Meanwhile, coffins of the poor and the middle class are filling the streets, and unemployment lines get longer and longer all over the Planet.

Yes, We, the people of this Planet, are in deep doo-doo, and that’s no dog tail (or tale).

The Economic Health (i.e., ills) of the Global Economy is NOT a private matter, as was the removal of a man’s penis---according to the husband of the woman who cut off his member while he was tied to his bed.

But congressmen and senators who oppose signing (and signing off on) both raising the debt ceiling and increasing the taxes on the SuperRich (Incomes of 1 million or more…NOT $250,000 or below)---

these recalcitrant senators and congressmen are doing to the World Economy what this wife did to her husband!

P.S.

AFTERWORDS:

Don’t cut off your tail

To spite your snake!

No reparative therapy is needed---

And it’s not a private matter!

Cut it out, but don’t

Cut it off!

Don’t turn it off

Like a light switch!

Barbarians don’t need to be educated, but

Senators and congressmen do!

Crap a pineapple if you don’t vote for raising the debt ceiling and increasing the revenue paid by the SuperRich!

And plug up those bungholes…

I mean loopholes!

PASS THE DEBT CEILING STUPID!

BO AT HIS PRESS CONFERENCE JULY 11, 2111

NOTE:
QUOTES in bold print WITH BO (PUN INTENDED) ARE BY BARACK OBAMA.
BO means Better Orator!

Dear readers:
Please remember to think about double meanings.
Thank you.


"HIS POLITICS WITHIN HIS CAUCUS ARE VERY DIFFERENT."

"I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH JUICE YOU'VE GOT IN THE REPUBLICAN CAUCUS."
[BO]

"THE SAUSAGE MAKING HAPPENS BEHIND THE SCENES."
[Hmmm....]

"A LOT IS UP IN THE AIR."
[Yeah, and a lot of hot air is coming out of both caucuses.]

"KEEP YOUR BASE BUT CUT A DEAL."
[Sounds like a drug deal.]

"IT'S NOT JUST A BAD COP GOOD COP SHOW"

"I CONTINUE TO PUSH...FOR THE LARGEST POSSIBLE DEAL AND THERE'S GOING TO BE RESISTANCE."
[BO]
[Sounds like a big drug deal.]

"WE DON'T MANAGE OUR AFFAIRS IN THREE MONTH INCREMENTS."
[BO]

"AND IF WE THINK IT'S HARD NOW...IMAGINE HOW THESE GUYS ARE GOING TO BE THINKING SIX MONTHS FROM NOW WHEN THEY'RE ALL UP."
[BO]

"IT'S NOT GOING TO GET EASIER...IT'S GOING TO GET HARDER, SO WE MIGHT AS WELL DO IT NOW."
[BO]

"PEEL OFF THE BAND AID."
[BO]

"EAT YOUR PEAS."
[BO]



I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS STUPID!

RAISING THE DEBT CEILING

FOOD POISONING
IRRITABLE BOWELS
AND
QUOTE OF THE DAY:

"If he wants to get this done he'd better talk to his caucus."

And...

"If you can look at the deficit and not see that the problem is that the rich stopped paying taxes, you're a Republican."
[Bill Maher]


IT'S THE *MONEY STUPID!

*GREED

BUSHOBAMA

NOTE:
President Obama, I apologize for posting the top photo above, BUT I just read this article today (July 5, 2011...And how free do we all feel after July 4th?):

http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2011/06/obama-has-finally-become-dick-cheney/241116/




"Oil is much too important a commodity to be left in the hands of the Arabs."

Henry Kissinger

PAGE 1

It’s time for the United States to invade China before it (America…not China) completely runs out of money.

Not really.

The U.S. has already been invaded by China, occupying us with all of those goodies that we buy at Wal-Mart, et al.

We won’t bite or bomb hands that feed us (unless those hands are clenching gold or the golden spigots of oil wells.)

Iraq.

Afghanistan.

Libya.

Iran.

We will liberate (i.e., invade and occupy) any country if it has an abundant amount of petroleum or gold.

As a bonus, we’ll send hundreds of our private businesses and corporations to bring some democracy.

***

PAGE 2

Conspiracy theories [CTs] are as popular as cell phones, and nearly as voluminous as worms.

One very strange CT was that George Bush Senior wanted Kuwait to be invaded by Saddam Hussein in order to give the casus belli for invasion:

July 25, 1990

[Ambassador April Glaspie at the Presidential Palace in Baghdad]

Ambassador Glaspie:

"We have no opinion on your Arab-Arab conflicts, such as your dispute with Kuwait. Secretary (of State James) Baker has directed me to emphasize the instruction, first given to Iraq in the 1960's that the Kuwait issue is not associated with America."

(Saddam smiles.)

The Pentagon, the Banks, and Corporations are just fine with foreign Invasions and Occupations, and will always hope for more and more monsters to slay, and for more and more freedom fighters and rebels to assist.

***

IT'S THE OIL STUPID!

GAFFES GAS SCHIZOPHRENIA AND MUD WRESTLING

Barbra Streisand for president

by JEAN THOMASSEN

***

EXISTENTIALISM

The world has already lost its collective mind, but

there are still a few souls who keep “it together” (to use an old hippie phrase) because of their extensive reading in Existentialism.

COMEDY OF ERRORS (AND AIRS).

Few things are as humorous and entertaining as the “clowns” who are now vying to become the next president of the United States.

It can only get funnier and funnier.

INSANE LAUGHS

We Americans---we world citizens---must laugh or we WILL go insane.

It is a compliment when people tell me that I’m crazy. I know that I’m not INSANE…just a little crazy.

Thank you.

BANANAS

It’s other people who seem to be the real crazies.

It keeps us laughing, and prevents us from going totally bananas.

People like Glenn Beck, Sarah Palin, and Michele Bachmann.

FREEDOM OF SPEECH AND FREEDOM OF THE PRESS

Freedom of Speech and Freedom of the Press are exquisitely good and beautiful things!

IT'S THE OIL STUPID!

SOME (FLAKY?) WORDS OF MICHELE MARIE BACHMANN

"Did God tell you He wanted you to run for the Minnesota State Senate, or something like that?" Schieffer asked.

"I prayed about that, as well," Bachmann said. "And that's really what that means. It means that I have a sense of assurance about the direction I think that God is speaking into my heart that I should go."
Read more: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2011/06/26/ftn/main20074482.shtml#ixzz1QVz4yHEw

ALSO SPOKEN BY MICHELE BACHMANN:

Lady Liberty and Sarah Palin are lit by the same torch.

The big thing we are working on now is the global warming hoax. Its all voodoo, nonsense, hokum, a hoax.

There are hundreds and hundreds of scientists, many of them holding Nobel Prizes, who believe in intelligent design.

If we took away the minimum wage — if conceivably it was gone — we could potentially virtually wipe out unemployment completely because we would be able to offer jobs at whatever level.

[Pelosi] is committed to her global warming fanaticism to the point where she has said she has even said she is trying to save the planet. We all know that someone did that 2,000 years ago.

Carbon dioxide is portrayed as harmful. But there isn't even one study that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas.

Carbon dioxide is natural, it is not harmful, it is a part of Earth's lifecycle. And yet we're being told that we have to reduce this natural substance, reduce the American standard of living, to create an arbitrary reduction in something that is naturally occuring in Earth.

This is an earthquake issue. This will change our state forever. Because the immediate consequence, if gay marriage goes through, is that K-12 little children will be forced to learn that homosexuality is normal, natural and perhaps they should try it.

'I don't know where they're going to get all this money because we're running out of rich people in this country.

IT'S THE OIL STUPID!