QUOTES ABOUT CAUCUSES ON NEW YEAR’S EVE 2012

 

 

“It’s a tough caucus to begin with.”

“His caucus is filled with contumacious members.”

“She’s not in my caucus.”

“She is in my caucus.”

“Their caucus is in a box.”

“His caucus is in a headlock.”

“Our caucus is very flexible.”

“Their caucus has run out of get-up-and-go.”

“Both caucuses have entered a fiscal hole.”

“It’s time for our caucuses to rise up and face other caucuses head-on."

 

 

IT'S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES STUPID!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

JOSE JESUS AND MARIA

 

The Nativity by Nicolas Poussin

This is a story about three illegal Mexican squirrels…Jose, Jesus and Maria.
A man is driving.A hidden microphone recorded their words as they made their way into the United States.


Jose:
Jesus and Maria, it sure is getting stuffy inside these coat pockets.

Maria:
Si.

Jesus:
Si.

Jose:
I wonder where we are going?

Maria:
Maybe Disneyland?

Jesus:
Maybe the Holy Land…Or the place that’s called the Big Apple.

Jose:
Don't mention food. I'm starving!

Maria:
Yes, me too.

Jesus:
If I had a fish and some bread I’d make enough for all of us.

Jose:
Oh, come on Jesus, don't play that game again.

Maria:
Right. You aren't the messiah you think you are. You’re just another rodent.

Jesus:
O.K. I know I've got some hang ups, but getting hanged isn't one of them.

Jose:
Oh, now he's the comedian.

Maria:
Hey, be quiet. I hear something.

Jose:
Me too!

Jesus:
I think we're at the border crossing. Quick! Deeper into the pockets!

Immigration Official:
Hello, sir. Your nationality?

Jesus:
Mexican.

Immigration Official:
Anything to declare?

Driver:
Yes. I have three striped squirrels.

Immigration Official:
What is the purpose of their visit?

Driver:
Jose and Maria are going to Disneyland.
Jesus wants to visit the Holy Land and your Big Apple.

Immigration Official:
My Big Apple? Oh, you mean New York.

Man:
Si.

Immigration Official:
O.K. Welcome to the United States.

Jose, Jesus and Maria:
Gee, that was a breeze. How did you do it?

Man:
You forget.
Jesus is with us. 

GUNS GUNS GUNS

 

"...heavily armed men wearing black combat gear from head to toe… their job is to kill ‘terrorists’ to keep us safe, which they do by terrorising us all."

http://www.veteranstoday.com/2012/12/20/sandy-hook-massacre-official-story-spins-out-of-control/


 

GUN GUN

LOVED ONE

GUN GUN

YOUNG SON

GUN GUN GUN

ONE BY ONE

GUN GUN GUN

EVERYONE!

 

 

IT'S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES STUPID!

***

An analysis this year from the Violence Policy Center found that “states with low gun ownership rates and strong gun laws have the lowest rates of gun death.” The report continued, “by contrast, states with weak gun laws and higher rates of gun ownership had far higher rates of firearm-related death.” According to the analysis, Massachusetts, Hawaii, New Jersey, New York, and Connecticut had the lowest per capita gun death rates. Each of those states had “strong gun laws and low gun ownership rates. On the other hand, “ranking first in the nation for gun death was Louisiana, followed by Wyoming, Alabama, Montana, and Mississippi.” Those states had “weak gun laws and higher rates of gun ownership.”

From Guns, Smoke and Mirrors

By CHARLES M. BLOW

Published: December 21, 2012

The New York Times


Also worth reading:
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/22/opinion/the-nra-crawls-from-its-hidey-hole.html?hp

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

SALMON TALK

SAL:

Hello Mo.  Have you heard the news?

MO:

No, what’s up?

SAL:

Humans are going to start messing with our genes.

MO:

How?  We’re fish.  We don’t wear pants.

SAL:

Not that kind.  It’s the stuff inside us, not outside.

MO:

So, what are the hominids planning to do?

SAL:

They’re going to engineer our genes so that we grow faster, and can be eaten sooner.

MO:

How much sooner?

SAL:

In eighteen months instead of thirty-six.

MO:

That doesn’t give us much time to spawn.

SAL:

What’s the difference?  After doing all that swimming upstream, we just die anyway.

MO:

Yeah, but at least we’re together.

SAL:

You’re right, but now we have to get the word out about what’s in the works.   

MO:

O.K. I’ll go north and south, and you go east and west!

 

IT’S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES STUPID!

***
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/22/business/gene-altered-fish-moves-closer-to-federal-approval.html?hp
 

 

 

 

 

BACK TO EDEN: A CONVERSATION BETWEEN TWO COCKROACHES JUST BEFORE THE END

Cocky:

Ready?

Rocky:

Ready for what?

Cocky:

The End.

Rocky:

The end of what?

Cocky:

THE END.

 The End of you, me…everything on Earth!

Rocky:

Hey Mr. Cocky, aren’t you forgetting one thing?

 We’re supposed to be the last to go, remember?

Cocky:

But that’s only if there’s nuclear radiation.

Rocky:

Well, maybe the End will have some.

Cocky:

Maybe. 

Rocky:

Anyway, where did you hear about this?

Cocky:

YouTube, dude, YouTube!

Rocky:

Get out of here!

 That’s a big, cockamamie story if I’ve ever heard of one.

Cocky:

We’ll soon find out, won’t we? 

And be more careful with your choice of words!

Rocky:

Oh, sorry.

So when is the caca going to hit the big fan?

Cocky:

This Friday, December 21^st.  And, again, please be more careful with your choice of words.

Rocky:

Oh, sorry.

But’s December 21^st is the first day of winter!

Cocky

That’s right…and the last day!

IT’S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES!

GUNS GUNS GUNS: MORE IS NOT LESS

 

 

John:

Hey Clint.

 I have another gun.

Clint:

So do I.

Slyvester:

So do I.

Arnold:

Me too.

John:

I’m going to buy another one.

Clint:

I will too.

Sylvester:

So will I.

Arnold:

Me too.

John:

I also want a machine gun.

Clint:

I do too.

Sylvester:

So do I.

Arnold:

Me too.

John:

I have to buy tons of bullets.

Clint:

I do too.

Sylvester:

So do I.

Arnold:

 Me too.

John:

I’ve got to have a tank.

Clint:

I’ve got to have one, too.

Sylvester:

So do I.

Arnold:

Me too.

John
I feel safe now.

Clint:

I do too.

Sylvester:

So do I.

Arnold:

Me too.

John, Clint, Sylvester, & Arnold:

I JUST LOVE THE SECOND AMENDMENT!

 

IT’S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES STUPID!

 

FISH AND GRASS

 

 

 

 

 

 

Illustration by Victor Juhasz

***

 

Reporter:

High Mr. President.  I mean, hello and welcome Mr. President.

President Obama:

Thank you. 

Reporter:

Sir, you recently said that marijuana was not a high priority.

President Obama:

True.  It may be high, just not a priority.

Reporter:

You even said, and I quote, “I have bigger fish to fry.”

Mr. Obama:

True.  But I meant to say, “I have bigger fish to smoke.”

Reporter:

Now that you are President for a second term, is it more likely that you will view more favorably the idea of legalizing marijuana?

Mr. Obama:

Certainly the country could use the tax revenue generated by the legalization of marijuana, and decriminalization is a positive first step.  But I don’t know how ready the Congress is to go down the road of legalization, though I must say, getting some of these Republicans stoned might knock some sense into their heads, and it would help the U.S. economy by increasing the sales of munchies and drinks.

Reporter:

Was that a “yes”?

President Obama:

Yes and No.

 

IT’S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES!

 

 

CROCODILE TEARS FALLING DOWN A FISCAL CLIFF

 

 

 

 

 

John Boehner:

First off (Sniff, sniff, sniff)…taxes just won’t go up.

Eric Cantor:

That’s right, John.

 Here, have a tissue.

John Boehner:

Thanks Eric (Sniff!).

 If needed, my caucus and I will kick this can down the road, and it just might go over the fiscal cliff.

Eric Cantor:

That’s right, John.

 Here, take the whole box of tissues.

John Boehner:

Thank you Eric.

  Just a moment while I blow my nose.

 Sniff, sniff.

Eric Cantor:

Right, John.  I agree.

John Boehner:

I want everyone inside my caucus to know---and this includes the rich that have incomes above $250,000---I won’t vote to raise your tax rates.

 You need the extra cash…the country needs more jobs!

Sniff, sniff, sniff.

Eric Cantor:

Oh, John, how right you are. 

SNIFF!

 

IT’S RENEWABLE RESOURCES STUPID!

 

 

TAXING QUESTIONS

 

Will our tax rates go up or down?

Will we be able to do last-minute shopping on December 22, 2012?

Will we go off the fiscal cliff on January 1, 2013 (if we didn’t go off of the bigger cliff on December 21, 2012)?

Can Lindsay Lohan stay sober?

Will we slow down global warming?

Will Hillary Clinton run in 2012?

Will Jeb Bush run in 2012?

Will my tomatoes freeze this week and die?

How safe is seafood if the fish are eating so much plastic?

When will I be rich and famous?

 

 

IT'S RENEWABLE RESOURCES STUPID!