Friday, April 06, 2012


Two items in the news caught my eye on this Good Friday.
OMG, I just remembered: I shouldn’t have eaten one-half of a pastrami sandwich from yesterday's lunch.
It’s a good thing that I’m not a good Catholic.
Does the Bible…did Christ ever say not to eat beef on the eve of his murder?
Oh well, back to the news.
One article that was interesting in and of itself (isn’t this juxtaposition of pronouns a curious one? IN AND OF ITSELF. I’ll look up its etymology later.).
The article, which is actually just an ASSOCIATED PRESS item read as follows:
“Girlfriend ran over man, hit him with bat, authorities say”

No, it wasn’t a flying rodent that the girlfriend used to hit the man, but I guess you figured this out.
No, it was one of those bats that Mickey Mantle and Babe Ruth swung.
Here is the opening sentence in the news report:

“A New Mexico woman is facing battery charges after authorities say she ran over her boyfriend with a pickup, then him with a baseball bat after an argument over a shirt”

I guess the man refused to give to his girlfriend the shirt off of his back, or whatever, then she rolled over him with a pickup, and then hit him with a baseball bat.
Therefore, she should be facing bat charges, but not battery charges.
A battery was not involved.
A bat was.
A baseball bat was.
And a pickup.
And, of course, that shirt.

The other less mundane news item was titled:

“World’s largest laser fired, displays record-breaking power: Potential for laser technology to produce power could be huge” 


And, of course, what is more important than this laser?

World Peace?

Global Green Energy?

Affordable health care?

Of course not.

The world needs the biggest, damn laser that can be made!

Just think of how many hot dogs and hamburgers (without pink slime) this dandy laser will barbecue!

I know, it’s for Progress.

For the Good of Mankind.

Because it’s there to be invented!

Then why do I feel like I need a pickup and bat right now?


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