Humans
have allegedly had many distant cousins, including sea squirts,
salps, and vetulicolians.
These
latter creatures did not have to worry about nuclear bombs, global
warming, or ebola.
It
was a peaceful and innocent time.
Justin
Bieber, Lady Gaga, the Kardashians, and terrorists weren't around
yet.
Scientists
have recently added vetulicolians to the list of human cousins.
These
figure-eight shaped creatures had something like a backbone.
Scientists
then make the hyperbolic leap to connect these primitive life forms
to humans, calling them our cousins.
Monkeys
and vetulicolians aren't my cousins.
(Maybe
dogs.)
I
don't have any proof or logic for my assertions.
I
suppose that they are a sign of my own vanity and pride.
Just
because I don't want something to be true doesn't erase the veracity.
But
it strains my imagination and reason to call creatures 500 million
years old my cousins.
For
Heaven's sake they haven't even climbed onto or out of trees yet.
Give
them some time to grow and evolve; let them swing from the trees
before you call them human cousins.
Let
them have that first drink.
Let
them grow up and grow a pair.
(You
can interpret this for either the male or female.)
When
scientists call these primitive creatures our cousins, they demean
and discredit God.
They
need to stop doing this.
IT'S
ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES AND OIL!
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