MY REPLY TO A LETTER TO THE EDITOR

A LETTER TO THE EDITOR:



Welcome to Up-in Smoke Airlines, flight number, uh, I can't remember.

But we are going to San Francisco.

I am your captain, Cheech Marin, and your co-pilot is Tommy Chong.

Our navigator today is Pacman Jones and in the cabin we have Amy Winehouse and Lindsay Lohan.

Sit back, light up a bong and enjoy the flight.

We will be there before you can say, "Hey duuuude, got any munchies?"

By Richard Chase






MY REPLY TO THE LETTER TO THE EDITOR:



I'm glad that there's finally a safer airline where crew and pilots aren't loopy from martinis.

Today's jets mostly "fly themselves", but sometimes an acumen is necessary that alcoholic intoxication undermines.

It would be bad, of course, if the crew and pilots had smoked marijuana AND drunk alcohol.

Captain, only the pot, please.

When did Cheech and Chong start flying, anyway?


By Mad Plato

WHERE HAVE ALL THE FLOWERS GONE?

Well, not flowers exactly, but friends.

I’ve never had many friends.

I don’t mean for this to sound like I’m feeling sorry for myself, because I’m not.

Less is more…or to be more grammatical…fewer is more.

One of these days I’ll pay to find where my friends have gone.

I suppose that if they were my true friends, then I wouldn’t have to ask where they all are.

But if anyone of you is reading this…

Please send me a flower.

ASAP.

IT'S A JUNKYARD OUT THERE

 

UPDATE:

August 4, 2014:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2715695/Japan-launch-military-space-force-2019-Fleet-protect-Earth-cosmic-junk-prevent-satellites-destroyed.html

 

 

 

FETA:
Where are we?

GRETA:
The Astromap says Earth.

FETA:
Well, this planet has plenty of water.

GRETA:
True, but its atmosphere is a big junkyard of debris.

FETA:
When you deploy cloaking, also deploy debris shields so we don’t get penetrated by any of this junk.

GRETA:
O.K. Ooh, that was a close one.

FETA:
Deploy debris shields!

(Explosion)
United States Strategic Command:
Stand down lasers. ET vehicle has been destroyed by space junk.

 

 

IT'S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES!

***

By JAMES CLAY MOLTZ

Published: February 18, 2009

NYTimes.com

SPACE is becoming an increasingly perilous place.

It is dangerous, of course, because more and more countries are venturing into orbit.

But it is also dangerous because there are precious few international agreements governing national actions in space. No rules of the road forced Russia to de-orbit its long-defunct Cosmos 2251 spacecraft, which would have prevented its collision last week with Iridium’s communications satellite. Yet this event probably left at least 2,000 pieces of hazardous debris in orbit around the earth; all of this debris will have to be tracked and avoided by other spacecraft for decades.

Instead of continuing to cling to the theory of “freedom of action” in space, all space-faring countries would be well advised to sit down and talk about mutual restraint and coordination. The alternative is unacceptable: we will lose our ability to operate in some of the most useful regions of orbital space, particularly those closest to the earth (60 to 1,000 miles up).

In many respects, our level of sophistication in dealing with space “traffic management” — the active and dead satellites and orbital debris that whiz around the earth at speeds of 18,000 miles per hour — is reminiscent of the early days of car travel, when a lack of rules resulted in frequent accidents.

The difference in space, of course, is that the fragments from past collisions remain in orbit, at least until they are eventually dragged down by gravity and burn up in the atmosphere. The February 2008 shoot down of a military satellite by the United States created a large amount of debris, but, at an altitude of 150 miles, it fell out of orbit in two months’ time. At 500 miles up, by contrast, debris will orbit for decades. Much above that, it will persist for centuries.

Recently, an effort led in part by the United States succeeded in gaining United Nations passage of a set of voluntary international debris-control guidelines. These useful but very general protocols urge countries to limit their debris, to refrain from blowing things up in space and to place dead spacecraft in “parking” orbits or, if at lower altitudes, in relatively rapid de-orbiting modes.

The problem is that not enough countries are observing these guidelines because they’re just that — guidelines. They don’t have the force of international law, they offer too many loopholes and violators face no sanctions. The Iridium-Cosmos collision is the clearest sign yet that we need to devise cooperative solutions to our common problems in space — before it is too late.

United States Strategic Command tracks more than 18,000 orbiting space objects, but it lacks the manpower to provide warnings of possible collisions to all except manned spacecraft and the most crucial United States military satellites.

Setting up an international warning network, paid for by the users of space, should therefore be treated as a priority. Such an entity could be run by a consortium of national militaries or space agencies, possibly under United Nations auspices. (The United Nations already oversees a space registration convention, which requires countries to list launches, orbits and the purpose of missions. But it stops tracking spacecraft once they’ve been launched.)

While there are security concerns associated with such a proposal — we don’t want the world to know the location and number of our military satellites — it’s important to remember that many sensitive satellites are large and easily found, even by amateur astronomers. It’s also worth remembering that in the thick of the cold war we signed an Incidents at Sea Treaty with the Soviet Union, which put in place measures to reduce the chance of accidents between American and Soviet ships and planes.

Other steps should be taken too. We should ban the intentional destruction of satellites in orbits above 150 miles (and possibly below as well). We should also create a legally binding code of conduct for space (laying out specific sanctions for violators) and embark on new efforts to bring about international coordination of radar systems. All these ventures could reasonably be undertaken by meetings of space-faring states or at the Conference on Disarmament in Geneva.

Until now, the debate about space has focused largely on the question of who is up there. Now two new questions have come to the fore: What is up there, and where is it?

James Clay Moltz, an associate professor at the Naval Postgraduate School, is the author of “The Politics of Space Security.”

DANDELION SEEDS AND SOME OF THE GIRLS I’VE KNOWN

As seeds of dandelions were floating in the air, I had this bright idea that I would make a pillow out of their soft, little parachutes.
A little girl with blond hair walked up to me and asked, “What are you doing?”
“I’m going to make a pillow”, I replied.
“How?”, she asked.
I said, “By collecting these.”

The seeds were still flying everywhere.

After I had collected a bagful, I threw them all away after I noticed that a lot of insects were crawling in my future pillow material.

More seeds than ever were now blowing in the wind.
The sky was blue but so was I.


***


Joan Bliss and I had been walking in a forest where her father (or grandfather) had his cabin.
It was one of those tall, A-Frame structures.
It had a sign with the name BLISS.

We just kept walking through the silent, green forest.

She and I would later share the same sleeping bag when the temperature was below freezing at a farm in Longmont, Colorado called Innisfree.

That was the December night in 1973 when Comet Kohoutek was supposed to be visible in the night sky.

Everyone went outside and climbed on top of a grain silo to have a look---
Everyone, that is, except for Joan Bliss and me.

We didn’t miss a thing, because the cloud cover was so thick that night that you couldn’t see a thing.


***


Another time in another state I met a woman who was on her way to the Mardi Gras when I met her.

She had a cozy Volkswagen bus.

I could have gone with her, but I didn’t, and I can’t remember why.

Maybe I should have.

But then I would not have had the other experiences that I ended up having.

You never know where the other road might have taken you because you chose to go on the other one.


***


I met another woman in a bar.

Years later I would travel to the same tract of land where I had stayed with her, her husband, and two daughters---and try to see her again.
I’m having trouble remembering her name, but maybe before I finish it will come back to me.
But first, a slight detour that describes what happened the night before I met her.

The night before I met her I had been a passenger in a Karma Ghia that was going down a steep, winding, unpaved---and very bumpy road---when it hit a pine tree.

The driver, Jim, was unhurt, but I broke my glasses in two, and the collision of my head on the hard dashboard (even with my seat belt on) had made a cut right above my nose.

Jim drove back to the bar where we had been drinking.

I was glad that we did, because one of the pretty waitresses took care of my injury as I lay upon a white freezer in the bar’s kitchen.

The next afternoon I went to the town’s bar called the D-Bar-D.

Sitting on the front porch was a big guy who had a line of stitches going from the top of his head all the way down the left side of his face.
I asked, “What happened?”
“My head went through the truck’s windshield”.
“Where did it happen?”, I asked.
And he gave the name of the same road where I had had my accident on the same night as his.
“We must have just missed each other”, I told him, “because that’s the same road where I had my accident.”
He didn’t say much more after that, except that I found out that he had once been an engineer for the stage crew of Leon Russell.



She was one of the bartenders in the D-Bar-D.
I was sitting at the bar when she asked me my name.
I told her it was Moon (and later on I told her my complete name…Tangerine Rambler Moon).
Then she asked where I was from and I told her, “The Planet Bubble”.
I don’t know why. I just did.
And she seemed amused (or impressed).
Then she asked me to dance.
I think she said it was her break.

The song was a slow love song, the kind I liked to dance to when I wasn’t rocking and rolling.
We danced close and cheek-to-cheek.



I met her husband when she got off of work.
When he saw me (without my glasses) he said, “You’ve got acid eyes. Are you having a third-eye flash?”

To make a longer story shorter, I ended up staying on the land where she and her husband David (his name I do remember!) and their two daughters lived, which was inside their small trailer.
They were letting me sleep on their land because I was going to help them in the construction of their log cabin.

Well, one night, I left the D-Bar-D with David's wife to return to their land.

It started to rain hard.

It wasn’t safe to keep driving.

We were going to spend that night in her friend’s trailer.

There were only two beds.

It was decided that I’d sleep with David’s wife.

The next morning she told him that we had slept in the same bed, but that nothing had happened…and nothing did…but David still didn’t believe it.
His wife also didn’t believe it, either, when a few weeks later she found out that another woman had gotten pregnant by David.
***


I knew this other woman from Chicago.
She was in her early twenties.
For some reason she kept wanting to see me.

There was no physical attraction between us or any hanky-panky.

One time she invited me to go on a horse-packing trip in Central City, Colorado.
We would pay real cowhands to take us packing in.
It sounded like fun and so I agreed to go.

I ended up almost fighting with the lead cowhand after I told him that the breakfast that was made had made me sick.
He was really pissed off after I gave him this news…
Until other people on the pack-trip started throwing up, too, right before his eyes---
While we were arguing.
Reality had set in and had saved the day…and had stopped us from fighting.


IT'S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES

READING BETWEEN THE LINES

[This is a report from legaltimes.typepad.com
called “Leahy Proposes ‘Truth Commission’ For Bush Era“, February 09, 2009, with Mad Plato‘s comments between brackets.]


Senate Judiciary Committee Chairman Patrick Leahy (D-Vt.) called today for the creation of an expansive, independent commission to allow for the airing of possible Bush-era wrongdoings.

[Start doing a lot of airing because there WERE plenty of wrongdoings. Mr. Leahy, don’t be so coy.]

In a speech at Georgetown University, Leahy suggested the commission could have subpoena power and the authority to grant immunity from prosecution.

[I suppose at this point this will be the best that we can expect from a Congress that was compliant and so complaisant with the mendacious Bush regime.]

He told reporters afterward that he envisions a panel that's bipartisan and looks at a wide variety of topics, including the Iraq war and politicization at the Department of Justice.

[Stop the looking. The world has watched us look and look and look while Bush took and took and took. If Nixon was not a crook, Bush was not a murderer.]

Others, including House Judiciary Committee Chairman John Conyers (D-Mich.), have made similar proposals. Leahy’s comments (video from C-SPAN here) were his first endorsement of such an idea, and he would have a key role in shaping such a proposal because of his committee’s jurisdiction.

“We need to get to the bottom of what happened and why,” Leahy said. “The reason we do that is so that it’ll never happen again. One path to that goal would be a reconciliation process—a truth commission.”

[At least a truth commission could expose the Bush regime for what it really was, and leave an indelible stain on Bush’s un-legacy inside the pages of non-revisionist history. Big Brother would take a back seat to Father Truth.]

President Barack Obama has not signaled much support for such a proposal, preferring to focus on implementing his own agenda.

[Go ahead, Barack, implement, but don’t impede researching and revealing the truths and falsehoods of the KingDumb of Bush.]

Leahy said he had not consulted the administration or Attorney General Eric Holder Jr. before speaking today. A White House spokesman declined to comment. A Republican spokesman also had no comment.

[The White House doesn’t want its own drama's klieg lights dimmed, and Republicans are scared shirtless about losing their own shirts.]

Leahy rejected the idea that Congress should move on.
“We shouldn’t abandon seeking ways of providing accountability for what’s happened in the past during a dangerous and disastrous diversion from American law and values, and I don’t want the focus to go off that,” he said. “Many Americans feel we need to get to the bottom of what went wrong. I agree. We need to be able to read the page before we turn the page.”

[Especially all of the pages of lies and secrets]

Some topics he said he would like to see investigated: the firing of U.S. attorneys, the treatment of detainees, and the use of waterboarding. Asked by a reporter if he would also want the commission to look at issues such as the Iraq war, he said he would. “There were lies told to the American people all the way back through. There were a lot of policies based on those lies. So let’s go back to them, find out what the lies were,” he said.

[Yes! Yes! Yes!]

Leahy invoked the experiences of South Africa and its Truth and Reconciliation Commission following the end of apartheid, and of Greensboro, N.C., and a commission established there to investigate a 1979 massacre. He also drew a comparison with the Church Committee that investigated federal surveillance of civilians during the Vietnam War.
He did not suggest any individuals to lead the commission he was proposing but said its members should be people who are “universally recognized as fair-minded and without any axe to grind.”

[Just get fair-minded people with some sharp axes]

And he qualified his endorsement of the idea by saying it would need board support to be successful.

[Water Board support? I think by board you meant to write broad.]

[Yes…be sure that there are plenty of broads to give support.]


“We need to see if there’s interest in Congress and in the new administration. We would need to work through concerns about classified information and claims about executive privilege,” he said. “Most of all, we need to see if the American people are ready to take this step.”

[Yes, the American people are ready to take all the steps necessary to end the side-stepping of the corrupt, inept, and deceitful Bush administration]


UPDATE: A response from Rep. Lamar Smith (R-Texas), ranking GOP member of the House Judiciary Committee:

“No good purpose is served by continuing to persecute those who served in the previous Administration.

[That’s correct. No purpose is served by continuing to persecute…SO JUST PROSECUTE those who served in the previous Administration for their lies and crimes.]

President Obama promised to usher in an era of 'change' and bipartisan harmony.
[Plenty of undertakers have already been become USHERS]

Unfortunately, the continued effort by some Democrats to unjustly malign former Bush Administration officials is politics as usual.

[No, Bush was the Malignant One, and Mr. Smith, you too, like Bush, are in denial.]

“We have already had a thorough investigation into the Justice Department, including a two year inquiry led by Democrats in Congress and an official investigation by the Justice Department’s Inspector General. The Inspector General made recommendations to prevent future wrongdoing and those recommendations have already been implemented. Rather than continuing to waste taxpayers time and money on fruitless finger-pointing, Congress should focus on the future and what we can do to help the American people during these difficult times.”

[Do both: focus on the past and the future. To ignore the past is to condemn the future. Spend a billion to restore America’s reputation. The Bush administration scoffed, laughed at, and ignored subpoenas (and still do).]

JUST PASSING THROUGH

I've had an interesting life.

Listening right now to Crosby, Stills & Nash sing Teach Your Children…and now Helpless…I am reminded of this.

What an exciting time it was back in the late 60’s and early ‘70’s.

War, revolution, brown rice, and pot smoke were in the air.

I was on the inside looking out, because I was attending the University of Colorado from 1966 until 1971.

Boulder was a ferment of protest.

Street people were not just hippies, because later on---after I graduated from CU---I basically walked and lived on the streets, to know and feel what life was all about.

My mind was nurtured on the Great books, but my soul learned about life on the mean, strange, and exciting streets of the world.

People helped to soften the hardness and brighten the darkness on those mean streets.

I stayed sober and intoxicated with the sights and sounds on those mean streets.

I can remember doing handstands on soft grass as the Rolling Stones played 2000 Light Years from Home.

I can remember when I threw a Frisbee to Elizabeth from Mahtomedi, Minnesota in a cemetery while Kenny Loggins sang Return to Pooh Corner.

I can remember the sweet aroma of Sandalwood in the Volkswagen bus of Diane, Richard and little Richie from Connecticut...on their way to start a new life on a commune…

Just passing through.

DIOGENES WOULD BE PLEASED

Oh, what a relief it is!
[Soothing fizzing sounds]

What a relief it is---
To be able to finally breathe some fresh air of forthrightness---
To breathe in the clean and clear oxygen of righteous indignation.

Barack Obama may be maligned and mocked as a messiah
---Even though he is not one---
But President Obama is closer to being a Christ-like leader than
George
W.
Bush
Ever pretended to be---
Or ever dreamed of being.
Bush is a good reason to believe that Jesus and the good extraterrestrials
Will return soon.

I’m no longer plagued with bushophobia, only misobushy.
Let me explain my neologism with a little translation:

misos means "hatred" (from misein "to hate").

But

George

W (AR)

Bush

Was not only a Destroyer-Deceiver-Decider, he
WAS ALSO A MISANTHROPE.

Misanthrope: "one who hates mankind," 1563, from Gk. misanthropos "hating mankind," from misein "to hate" + anthropos "man".


The babbling and bumbling Bush hated himself, too.

IN PRAISE OF THE ANATOMICAL SNUFF BOX

Photo by Lennart Nilsson

Photo by Lennart Nilsson

Opossum's opposable thumb on rear foot

The thumb.

Where would we be without it?

What could we have done without it?

We would not have been able to build our bridges, make our bombs....or paint our paintings!

(Yes, I know people can paint with their mouths and feet)

Our fingers would not have done as much walking without our thumbs.

(I'm just pulling your thumb on this one)

Jimi Hendrix would not have been able to play his psychedelic licks.

It’s amazing that as embryonic fish we humans became so handsome and beautiful---so wicked or good---and developed our opposable thumbs to boot.

Imagine all of the things that could not be done without thumbs.

I am using my right thumb as I type to hit the space bar.

I could do this with my index finger, but it would be less convenient.

Other things that could not be done without our thumbs:


FLICKING OUR BICS

HOLDING OUR PENCILS

(I ALMOST RHYMED THIS WITH THE FIRST ONE)

CLIPPING OUR TOE AND FINGER NAILS

THROWING A FOOTBALL

HOLDING OUR SPOONS AND FORKS

(WE COULD STILL HOLD THEM BUT IT WOULD BE LESS EASY)

CHANGING CHANNELS ON OUR REMOTES
(IT’S EASIER WITH THUMBS)

HOLDING THE STEERING WHEEL ON VEHICLES

GRIPPING THE HANDLEBARS ON MOTORCYCLES AND BIKES

NO GREEN THUMBS!

NO SUCKING THUMBS!

WE COULDN'T BE ALL THUMBS!

AND THE STORY OF TOM
THUMB WOULD NEVER HAVE COME!


Please write me---with or without your thumbs---and tell me more about the goodly uses of our humble thumbs.

ON POCKETS

I love pockets.

Once when I was down and out I bought an army coat that had ubiquitous pockets.

The pockets of this long, green coat were inside, outside, up, and down.

I guess with so many pockets (but so little to put inside them), this coat made me feel a little less down and out.

If I wore a shirt without a front pocket I would feel naked.

I have two shirts that have two pockets at the top and bottom.

Pens in one pocket.
Pills in another pocket.
Gum and snacks in another pocket.
And another pocket for whatever else I need one for.

I guess you could call me
The
Marsupial
Man.

DRONES AND BOMBS AWAY OVER PAKISTAN

"Thousands of tribesmen on Saturday attended the funeral prayers of the victims of Friday’s drone attacks in the North and South Waziristan Agencies. They condemned the killings and asked US President Barack Obama to spend the money on the welfare of the tribal people instead of killing them with sophisticated weapons. . . They claimed that all those killed in the attack were innocent and local villagers, who had nothing to do with militancy or Taliban."

Obama
The man
Is
Not
Doing
La Bamba
In Pakistan
He’s
Doing
La BOMBA
To get
The Taliban .

COMING OUT OF BUSH'S BOX NOT PANDORA'S

GWB:
Dick? Bush.

DC:
Quack! What’s up?

GWB:
Not my pants. It looks like they’re coming down pretty soon.

DC:
But why? You’re not the President anymore.

GWB:
That’s right…but I’m not the emperor either.

DC:
So what’s the problem?

GWB:
Obama’s Executive Order on Presidential Records.

DC:
Quack! I guess that might strip you of your records…and your clothes.

GWB:
It looks as if Laura and I will be heading down to South America quicker than we had planned.

DC:
Quack!

GWB:
O.K. Have to go. Me and Laura are working on our Memoirs.

DC:
Quack!



THEY WERE STUPID LIARS!

MURDERING AN OATH

Supreme Court:
O.K. Here’s the situation. We’re about to swear in a new president, but he’s not white.

Supreme Court Aide:
But, sir, Justice is supposed to be blind.

Supreme Court:
Yes, but NOT color-blind.

Supreme Court Aide:
What are your plans?

Supreme Court:
We’re asking Justice Roberts to screw with…I mean screw up the oath when he swears in Mr. Obama.

Supreme Court Aide: Is it legal?

Supreme Court:
Legal-Schmegal…who cares. We can’t have a colored messiah-man at the helm.

Supreme Court Aide:
But what if Obama just has the oath administered again?

Supreme Court:
We hope he doesn’t, but we’ll make sure that a Bible isn’t there this time. Using Lincoln’s Bible was an outrage.

Supreme Court Justice:
O.K. I’ll get your robes cleaned and pressed for the inauguration.

Supreme Court:
Yes. And put in plenty of starch. We want to appear upright and starched.


***


"I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States."


There was a false start by Obama, who started to respond before Roberts had completed the first phrase. Obama ended up saying the first two words---“I, Barack”---twice.

Then there was an awkward pause after Roberts prompted Obama with these words: “That I will execute the office of president to the United States faithfully.” The chief justice seemed to say “to” rather than “of,” but that was not the main problem. The main problem was that the word “faithfully” had floated upstream in the constitutional text, which actually says this: “That I will faithfully execute the office of president of the United States.”

Obama seemed to realize this, pausing quizzically after saying, “that I will execute.”

Roberts gave it another try, getting closer but still not quite right with this: “Faithfully the office of president of the United States.” He omitted the word “execute.”

Obama now repeated Roberts' initial error of putting “faithfully” at the end. Starting where he had abruptly paused, he said, “The office of president of the United States faithfully.”

[From http://primebuzz.kcstar.com]

SEND IN THE CLONES

The burning President Bush is out.

Of office.

But the flames.

The cinders.

Are still smoking.

I want to believe that President Barack H. Obama is going to be much different than George W. Bush.

Actions will be the true voice of change.

Rhetoric will not change us or the world.

We will see.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Now that you have won.
Lead us to the sun.
Together as one.

READING BETWEEN THE LINES

January 12, 2009

Press Conference by the President

James S. Brady Press Briefing Room


[This is a very abbreviated and edited version]

THE PRESIDENT:

Thank you. Tapper.
[I almost said “Topper]

We have been through a lot together. As I look through the room,
[My eyesight is much better than my hindsight]

I see Jake, Mike, Herman, Ann Compton. Just seemed like yesterday that--that I was on the campaign trail and you were analyzing my speeches and my policies. And I see a lot of faces that travel with me around the world and -- to places like Afghanistan and Iraq and Africa.
[Where many of those faces are now ghosts]

I see some new faces, which goes to show there's some turnover in this business.
[My favorite turnover is apple]

Through it all, it's been -- I have respected you.
[But not myself]

Sometimes didn't like the stories that you wrote or reported on.
[Like those stories on my fraudulent war in Iraq]

Sometimes you misunderestimated me.
[And sometimes---I estimate---I’ve been under miss]

And so here at the last press conference, I'm interested in answering some of your questions.

Q:
Thank you for those comments, Mr. President. Here's a question. I'm wondering if you plan to ask Congress for the remaining $350 billion in bail money. And in terms of the timing, if you do that before you leave office, sir, are you motivated in part to make life a little easier for President-
Elect Obama?

THE PRESIDENT:
[Well, first of all, that word “bail” brings to mind other connotations…you know, like bail for jail]

I have talked to the President-elect about this subject. And I told him that if he felt that he needed the $350 billion, I would be willing to ask for it.
[I have been very good at asking for money, getting it, and spending it]

In other words, if he felt it needed to happen on my watch.
[I’ve got a Micky Mouse watch]

Q:
So you haven't made the request yet?

THE PRESIDENT:
Well, he hasn't asked me to make the request yet. And I don't intend to make the request unless he specifically asks me to make it.
And that lunch the other day was interesting, to have two guys who are nearly 85, two 62-year-olders, and a 47-year-old -- kind of the classic generational statement.
And President-Elect Obama is fixing…to get sworn in…
[And the American people are swearing to celebrate when I get out]

and then they'll have the lunch and all the -- you know, all the deal up there on Capitol Hill.
[Same deal…just different cards]
And then he'll come back and go through [Not around] the inauguration and then he'll walk in the Oval Office [After he walks into the Oval Office], and there will be a moment when the responsibilities of the President land squarely on his shoulders.
[Plus all of the screw-ups from my administration]

Q:
Thank you, Mr. President. Do you believe that the Gaza conflict will have ended by the time you leave office? Do you approve of the way that Israel has conducted it? And why were you unable to achieve the peace deal that you had sought?

THE PRESIDENT:
Remind me of the three points, will you, because I'm getting –
[Dumber and dumber]

Q:
Will it end by the time you leave office? Do you approve of th---

THE PRESIDENT:
I hope so. I'm for a sustainable cease-fire.
[Because there has been a lot of bloody stains and fire]

And a definition of a sustainable cease-fire is that Hamas stops firing rockets into Israel. And there will not be a sustainable cease-fire if they continue firing rockets.
[So---as long as Israel has a stranglehold on Gaza---the rockets will continue to get fired…and bombing Gaza will not cease]

Q:
Do you approve of the Israeli conduct in this?

THE PRESIDENT:
I think Israel has a right to defend herself. Why haven't we achieved peace? That's a good question. It's been a long time since they've had peace in the Middle East.
[So long I can’t remember when…can you?]

Step one is to have a vision for what peace would look like.
[Not like my vision of bombing Iraq. That was God’s idea---not mine---but it gave me the vision I needed]

And in 2002, on the steps of the Rose Garden, I gave a speech about a two-state solution---two states, two democracies living side by side in peace. And we have worked hard to advance that idea.
[I’m just not sure what the hard work is that was done…are you?]

Q:
And what is the greatest and most urgent threat when it comes to security that Barack Obama has to deal with?

THE PRESIDENT:
The most urgent threat that he'll have to deal with, and other Presidents after him will have to deal with, is an attack on our homeland.
[I like to use that word “homeland” because I’m going to land in my new home soon]

You know, I wish I could report that's not the case, but there's still an enemy out there that would like to inflict damage on America---
[Enemies such as tainted tomatoes…or peanut butter with salmonella in it or…]

Q:
You said in an interview earlier this weekend, one of these, I guess, exit interviews, that---

THE PRESIDENT:
This is the ultimate exit interview.
[Well, I guess except for kicking the bucket]

Q:
---that you think the Republican Party needs to be more inclusive. Who needs to hear that message inside the Republican Party?

THE PRESIDENT:
You see, I am concerned that, in the wake of the defeat, that the temptation will be to look inward and to say, well, here's a litmus test you must adhere to.
[Because looking inward might make you see your conscience]

This party will come back. But the party's message has got to be that different points of view are included in the party.
And so my point was…is that our party has got to be compassionate and broad-minded.
[And passionate and mindful of broads…well, I guess that party’s been going on for some time]

I remember the 1964 elections. My dad happened to be running for the United States Senate then and, you know, got landslided with the Johnson landslide in the state of Texas.
[Landslide? Which mountain was that and where was it in Texas?]

Q:
In the past, when you've been asked to address bad poll numbers or your own popularity, you've said that history will judge that you did the right thing, that you thought you did the right thing. But without getting into your motives or your goals, I think a lot of people, including Republicans, including some members of your own administration, have been disappointed at the execution of some of your ideals, whether Iraq or Katrina or the economy. What would your closing message be to the American people about the execution of these goals?

THE PRESIDENT:
Well, first of all, hard things don't happen overnight, Jake.
[But bad things can]

And when the history of Iraq is written, historians will analyze, for example, the decision on the surge. The situation was--- looked like it was going fine and then violence for a period of time began to throw---throw the progress of Iraq into doubt. And rather than accepting the status quo and saying, oh, it's not worth it or the politics makes it difficult or, you know, the party may end up being -- you know, not doing well in the elections because of the violence in Iraq, I decided to do something about it -- and sent 30,000 troops in as opposed to withdrawing.
[This last paragraph was way too wordy and kind of confusing]

Who best can spend your money, the government or you? And I have always sided with the people on that issue.
[I’ve sided with the people who spend your money, and I’ve spent more of your money than all previous presidents combined]

Now, obviously these are very difficult economic times. And I readily concede I chunked aside some of my free market principles [It just took me eight years to do so] [But I also chunked aside many moral principles when I became President] when I was told by chief economic advisors that the situation we were facing could be worse than the Great Depression.
And so, yes, look, there's plenty of critics in this business; I understand that. And I thank you for giving me a chance to defend a record that I am going to continue to defend, because I think it's a good, strong record.
[And I’m very defensive]

Q:
I'm just wondering, as you look back, why you think you engendered such passionate criticism, animosity, and do you have any message specifically to those---to that particular part of the spectrum of your critics?

THE PRESIDENT:
You know, most people I see, you know, when I'm moving around the country, for example, they're not angry.
[Just irate and hungry]

And they're not hostile people. And they -- we never meet people who disagree, that's just not true.
[If it's not true, why did I just say we didn’t meet people who disagreed?]

I've met a lot of people who don't agree with the decisions I make. But they have been civil in their discourse.
I don't know why they get angry. I don't know why they get hostile.
[Are they upset because I’ve bankrupted their country with wars?]

I'm the kind of person that, you know, is willing to take on hard tasks [Like getting rid of armadillos and brush], and in times of war people get emotional [and bloody]; I understand that. Never really, you know, spent that much time, frankly, worrying about the loud voices.
[I’ve ignored them for eight years]

I of course hear them, but they didn't affect my policy, nor did they affect -- affect how I made decisions.
[I just ignored them…because…I WAS THE DECIDER!]

I don't see how I can get back home in Texas and look in the mirror and be proud of what I see [Which is perfectly understandable]
if I allowed the loud voices, the loud critics, to prevent me from doing what I thought was necessary to protect this country.
[So---like a vampire---I have avoided looking at mirrors]

Q:
Mr. President, thank you very much. Since your philosophy is so different from President-Elect Obama's, what concerns you the most about what he may attempt to do?

THE PRESIDENT:
It's going to be---you know, he's going to get in the Oval Office, he's going to analyze each situation, and he's going to make the decisions that he think is necessary.
There is an enemy that still is out there.
[How many times do I need to remind you?]

You know, people can maybe try to write that off as, [As I have written off Osama bin Laden] you know, he's trying to set something up. [Obama not Osama…well, I guess both are trying to set something up]
I'm telling you there's an enemy that would like to attack America, Americans, again.
There just is. That's the reality of the world. And I wish him all the very best.
[Who? The enemy?]

Q:
And I'm not trying to play "gotcha," [Or hooch...Ah...] but I wonder, when you look back over the long arc of your presidency [Or in your case the long circle of shame and lies], do you think, in retrospect, that you have made any mistakes? And if so, what is the single biggest mistake that you may have made?

THE PRESIDENT:
I've thought long and hard about Katrina --
[I met her at Yale] you know, could I have done something differently, like land Air Force One either in New Orleans or Baton Rouge. The problem with that and -- is that law enforcement would have been pulled away from the mission. And then your questions, I suspect, would have been, how could you possibly have flown Air Force One into Baton Rouge [I don‘t even have a pilot‘s license]…

Q :
Mr. President, often Presidents go -- leave here; they say they're going to decompress, and then pretty soon they're right back in their office. I wonder how quickly you think you're going to be back at it, whether it's writing your book, whether it's speaking, whether it's traveling, whether it's --
[Doing some lines? Or pouring down a few?]

THE PRESIDENT:
You know, Mike, I don't know. Probably the next day. I'm a Type A personality [The A stands for alcohol], you know, I just -- I just can't envision myself, you know, the big straw hat and Hawaiian shirt sitting on some beach.
[Maybe the big cowboy hat in a cowboy shirt clearing some brush]
(Laughter.)


Q:
You arrived here wanting to be a uniter, not a divider. Do you think Barack Obama can be a uniter, not a divider? Or is -- with the challenges for any President and the unpopular decisions, is it impossible for any President to be uniter, not a divider?

THE PRESIDENT:
I hope the tone is different for him than it has been for me.
[Because I have been tone-deaf]
It's just the rhetoric got out of control at times --
[As well as my ability to use English]

Q:
Why?

THE PRESIDENT:
I don't know why. You need to ask those who -- those who used the words they used.
[Just don't ask me]

It has been a honor to work with you. I meant what I said when I first got up here.
[When did I get up here and what did I say?]

God bless you.

IT WAS THE OIL AND I WAS STUPID!

MOUNTAINS OF BLOOD

Bush the liar

Can now retire.

With mountains

Of cold blood.

That from his

His cold hands

Were put in sands.

Of our land.

And Babylon.

Leaving behind

A big fire.

Forever.

Within a

Quagmire.


IT IS AND ALWAYS WAS THE OIL STUPID!

IS OUR CHILDREN LEARNING TO READ BETWEEN THE LINES?

For Immediate Release
January 8, 2009
President Bush Discusses No Child Left Behind
General Philip Kearny School
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

[This is a very abbreviated and edited version. Mad Plato’s words are between brackets.]

THE PRESIDENT:
Thank you for the warm welcome.
[I need a lot of warmth to raise the temperature of my cold
job-approval rating]

And Laura and I are thrilled to be here at Kearny School. We bring greetings from the Nation's Capital, but more importantly, we bring appreciation for those who are working so hard to make sure that every child can learn.
[Like me]

You know, seven years ago today, I had the honor of signing a bill that forever changed America's school systems.
[I’m the Decider, but you can also call me the Tester and DeTester]

It was called the No Child Left Behind Act.
[Governor Ann Richards called it No Child’s Behind Left, but I think she was talking about physical education]

I firmly believe that thanks to this law, more students are learning...
[Learning more and more how to take tests]

I'm proud to be here with my buddy. I guess it's okay to call the Secretary of Education here "buddy." That means friend.
[I’m good with synonyms]

At the end of the presidency, you get to do a lot of "lasts." I don't know if you saw on TV, but I pardoned my last Thanksgiving turkey.
[But I’m getting ready to pardon the fowl deeds of other turkeys that served under me]
(Laughter.)

I hope you can tell that education is dear to my heart. I care a lot about whether or not our children can learn to read, write, and add and subtract.
[I don’t want them to become president unless they can read, write, add and subtract better than I can.]

Miller of California, Congressman Boehner of Ohio -- Republicans and Democrats who worked together to get this piece of legislation passed. I believe that in signing that bill we enacted the most sweeping education reforms in a long, long time.
[Reforms that have swept away creativity and the teaching of skills]

The key to measuring is to test.
[But is it the path, key, or best method for teaching and learning?]

And by the way, I've heard every excuse in the book why we should not test -- oh, there's too many tests; you teach the test; testing is intrusive; testing is not the role of government.
[And these are true]

How can you possibly determine whether a child can read at grade level if you don't test?
[You can’t. O.K. test children…but spend time teaching them first…instead of teaching them…
THE TEST!]

And for those who claim we're teaching the test, uh-uh. We're teaching a child to read so he or she can pass the test.
[Then why is so much time spent teaching and practicing the damn test instead of
JUST READING?]

The facts are, if you get too far behind in reading, for example, it's nearly impossible to catch up. That's why it's important to test early.
[O.K. But diagnostic testing is much different than constantly practicing for a test and teaching a test]

Measurement is essential to success. When schools fall short of standards year after year, something has to happen. In other words, there has to be a consequence in order for there to be effective reforms. And one such thing that can happen is parents can enroll their children in another school.
[You know…run away from the problems]

It's---to me, measurement is the gateway to true reform, and measurement is the best way to ensure parental involvement.
[Test parents, too! Test and Measure! Measure and Test! Shock and Awe! Teach when there’s any time left]

Instead of looking the other way when students are falling behind,
policymakers at all levels are now beginning to be focused on how to close the achievement gap. Achievement gap is---it means this: White students are reading here, and African American students are reading here, and Latino students are reading down here. And that is unacceptable for the United States of America.
[Isn’t segregation illegal?]

Laura and I have been privileged to travel to schools over the past eight years such as this. And you'd be amazed at what we get to see.
[Lots and lots of tests and lots and lots of benches with marks on them]

Thank you for letting us come by for the last policy address that we have been honored to make.
God bless you.
(Applause.)


TAKE THE TEST STUPID!

THE FAREWELL LEGACY TOUR AND LAST STAND OF GEORGE W. BUSH

TRAPPED
TORTURED
AND
BUBBLE-WRAPPED
IN
A PERMANENT
STATE OF DENIAL.

I’LL SHOOT FIRST
THEN YOU CAN ASK YOUR QUESTIONS.

I’M THE DECIDER AND THIS IS MY LAST WHIMPER.


He’s still smirking.

He’s still joking.

He’s still hibernating in a cave of dark denial.

His sweet and obsequious wife now sits right next to him.

They're so happy.

They're so grateful.

They're grateful and so relieved that there are only a handful of days left before they leave Washington, D.C.

Bush will receive a $311,000 per year Dallas office (8,000 square feet)---paid for with Federal money.

Here, the Decider can start scribbling his memoirs.

They are Memoirs that will unlikely be a best-seller---but who knows?

The most amazing thing about what George W. Bush is now saying is that it isn’t amazing at all.

But it has been Bush’s words and actions that have shocked us for the past eight years.

In the beginning, we giggled at his mispronunciations.

We thought that these gaffs were only fleeting and passing.

They were not.

Because we saw what one man could do to the world.

Stay tuned tomorrow night for Bush’s Farewell
Address.



IT WAS THE OIL STUPID!

ON GOD AND STATE

GOD

God created me and you.

We didn't evolve.

That's what dogs and monkeys do.

And other stuff.

Science is good.

Science can also be very bad.

Science gives us good stuff like toasters.

Science gives us bad stuff like bombs.

Humans are the scientists.

God created the scientists.

Blame God.

THE STATE

The City...

The State...

The Homeland...

Will NOT notify anyone about anything that it wishes to be done.

We will come into your lives…

Into your minds…

And into your yards without warning!

Citizens, you must obey...

Or pay!

IT’S IN THE GENES (NOT JEANS) STUPID!

NO MORE WORDS

It's God's fault.

He made the Tower of Babel.

Humans have been babbling ever since, and fighting their wars with and because of words.

There should be no languages.

Humans should just smile, frown, laugh and cry.

Words always get in the way.

DON'T BLAME IT ON GOD STUPID!