THE WACKY THIEF

 

 

 

Officials: Las Cruces Check 'N Go robbed by man with weed whacker

By Daniel Borunda / El Paso Times

Posted:   07/02/2013 12:02:07 AM MDT

 

I wanted to write something about the above news story before local comics on the morning radio shows jumped on the bandwagon, but I didn’t.

Still, the inclination was there to react to this funny bit of news, and so I put *shoulder to the wheel and fingers to the keyboard, and came up with the following.

 

THIEF:

This is a hold-up. 

Correction:

I’m holding up my weed whacker and this is a robbery.

TELLER:

Yes sir.

One moment while I get the manager.

THIEF:

Skip the manager.

Just give me all of your cash…

TELLER:

Or what?

You’ll start whacking me with your weed whacker?

THIEF:

Don’t get smart.

But, yeah, that’s exactly what I’ll do.

So hand over the money.

(Just as she’s handing over the money, the thief drops his weed whacker.  It suddenly starts, and goes haywire, spinning wildly on the floor.)

THIEF:

Just a second while I grab my whacker.

(But two policemen suddenly grab the thief, and a third policeman grabs the weed whacker and turns it off.)

TELLER:

Oh, thank you officers!

I thought I was going to get whacked!

POLICEMAN:

Mam, before we’d let that happen, we would’ve whacked off this thief’s members!

(Everyone starts laughing except the thief.)

IT’S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES!

*Shoulder to the wheel is an old saying from when pioneers used various carts and wheel vehicles to work. Sometimes they got stuck. - See more at: http://www.chacha.com/question/what-are-the-origins-of-the-phrase-'to-put-one's-shoulder-to-the-wheel

 

 

 

CHIEF JUSTICE JOHN ROBERTS IS LIKE A RAT SNAKE WITH TWO HEADS (WITH APOLOGIES TO THE RAT SNAKE)

I decided to write about Chief Justice John Roberts after I read the following article.

  I know my post says that Mr. Roberts is like a two-headed rat snake. 

That appellation is more apt.

First the turtle article, then what I wrote:

Two-headed turtle hatches at San Antonio zoo

The Associated Press

Posted:   06/26/2013 11:04:08 AM MDT

 

SAN ANTONIO—A two-headed turtle has hatched at the San Antonio Zoo and officials have named her Thelma and Louise.

The female Texas cooter arrived June 18 and will go on display Thursday at the zoo's Friedrich Aquarium.

Zoo spokeswoman Debbie Rios-Vanskike (van SKYKE') said Wednesday that the two-headed turtle appears healthy and is able to swim and walk. She says experts at the zoo don't foresee any health issues for Thelma and Louise, named for the female duo in the 1991 Oscar-winning road movie of the same name.

The San Antonio Zoo is no stranger to two-headed reptiles. The facility was home to a two-headed Texas rat snake named Janus from 1978 until the creature's death to 1995.

 

*

 

The Supreme Court is making decisions that are those of a Lowly Court.

The blue-eyed, boyish-looking bureaucrat/Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts is not a racist, but his recent vote shows him continuing to reside cozily in the pockets of the rich.

He showed his bias for the rich and powerful when he voted for the Citizens United case.

The following letter expresses my disdain for this Chief (In)Justice:

 

Letter: Supreme Court a disgrace

Chico Enterprise-Recordchicoer.com

Posted:   06/28/2013 01:24:14 AM PDT

The U.S. Supreme Court already earned its place in infamy by its decision in the Citizens United case which allowed corporations to buy elections with unlimited amounts of political contributions. It has now reinforced its position as the worst Supreme Court in history by gutting Affirmative Action and The Voting Rights Act of 1965.

These decisions, all based on false premises, e.g. "a corporation is a person," and "voter discrimination has been largely eliminated in the U.S." and specious reasoning will cripple, if not destroy, our democracy. Roberts, Scalia, Alito, Thomas and Kennedy are in fact driven by hubris as asserted by Justice Ginsberg in her dissent, rather than any love or respect for that democracy. They are a national disgrace.

— Victor M. Corbett, Chico

*

The U.S. Congress---a cantankerous body of invertebrates---won’t do anything about this disgrace.

The white, wealthy, right-wing GOP is hungrily licking its foul (fowl) lips in anticipation of getting back in the saddle at future elections.

Civil Rights?

Voting Rights?

Yeah, right.

Thanks for the memories.

*

John Roberts Shows Cold-Blooded Calculation In His Supreme Court Rulings

By Howard Fineman

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/26/supreme-court-doma_n_3434870.html

 

IT'S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



 

DRONES AWAY!

 

 

 

 

 

DRONE OPERATOR:

Hello.

NSA:

This is the NSA.

  I need some drones.

DRONE OPERATOR:

Yes sir.

Where do you want the drones to go?

NSA:

Ecuador.

DRONE OPERATOR:

Sir.

Ecuador isn’t on our list of enemy hot spots.

NSA:

It is now.  

The Hong Kong flu-kid has just flown to Russia, and he’s going to Ecuador to seek asylum.

DRONE OPERATOR:

Yes sir.

Do you want a small, medium, or large drone?

NSA:

I don’t care if it’s the size of a pickle as long as it gets the job done.

DRONE OPERATOR:

Yes sir.

I’ll have one prepped immediately.

NSA:

Good.

This Snowden kid will wish he had played ball instead of stealing all the bases.

 

IT’S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES!

 

 

SUPERMOON

Here's another reposting, and the moon landing anniversary won't be here until next month. 

 But lunacy is always in the air.

 

GRETA:
 Today is not just another day, Lety.

LETY:
How so?

GRETA:
Men are celebrating their first footsteps on the Moon.

LETY:
Only because we let them do so.

GRETA:
True, and as long as they don't step anywhere else, they can have their little moon-landing party.

LETY:
I know, but it sure keeps us busy, tracking all of the bad things that they do to themselves and their planet.

GRETA:
 Maybe we should just ignore them.

LETY:
Headquarters won't let us.

GRETA:
I know, but I can dream.

LETY:
Well, we'd better get back to our monitors and see what's cooking on Earth.

GRETA:
 Speaking of cooking, what do you want to have for lunch?

LETY:
I feel like a Big Mac or Whopper today.


IT'S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES!

GEORGE LAURA AND MARY JANE

 

Plane carrying George W. Bush diverted after smell of smoke

From Jake Carpenter and Shawn Nottingham, CNN

updated 4:33 AM EDT, Sun June 16, 2013

George:

Honey, let’s smoke some Mary Jane.

Laura:

Honey, do you have to call it Mary Jane? 

George:

What do you want me to call it?

Laura:

Weed.

George:

How about pot?

Laura:

No.  Let’s just stick to Mary Jane, then.

George:

Oh boy, I think this is Columbian gold, and not too many seeds either.

Laura:

Good.

The last time a seed popped and nearly took out my left eye.

George:

O.K.

Where’s the lighter?

Laura:

I don’t know, but I’ve got a book of matches.

George:

O.K.

Strike up the band!

Strike a match!

Laura:

Gosh, it’s been so long since I’ve used any matches.

George:

Go for it, honey.

Let her rip!

Laura:

Maybe I’ll use two just to make sure they get lit.

George:

Sure.

Knock yourself out.

Laura:

Oh, George, isn’t this exciting?

George:

It sure is, but hurry up, the plane’s going to land any minute.

Laura:

(She strikes two matches, but the entire book ignites, and her negligee catches fire.)

George, quick, get the fire extinguisher!

George:

(He can’t find the extinguisher, so he grabs a seltzer bottle, and sprays Laura.)

Laura:

Now I’m smoking!

What a smell!

(The fire alarm goes off.)

George:

Stash the weed!

It looks like we’re making an emergency landing.

Laura:

I guess we’ll have to wait until we get back to the ranch.

George:

Yep.

Mary Jane will just have to wait.

 

IT’S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES!

 

MEN MINNOWS AND MELANCHOLIA

 

 

“Scientists at the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee found that minnows administered Prozac became aggressive, anti-social and sometimes homicidal.”

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2341793/Fish-Prozac-angry-aggressive-KILL-mates-new-study-finds.html#ixzz2WDQI7IL1

 

It’s a large leap---that is jump---to go from minnow to human, especially when going upstream.

I don’t know what that means, but it sounded good.

*

Why not just study statistics of people who ingest Prozac?

Do they become aggressive, anti-social, and sometimes homicidal?

I know I do, and I’ve never used Prozac.

*

It always seems unfair to use monkeys, mice, or minnows as guinea pigs when testing this drug or that chemical to see what effect the drug or chemical may have on HUMANS.

Leave the poor creatures alone!

Test the humans, not them.

 

IT’S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES!