BREW AND BROO HA-HA

THE CHARACTERS:
Sergeant James Crowley
Professor Henry Louis Gates
Barack Obama



BO:
Welcome gentlemen. The beer is on its way. I'm having a Budweiser. Sergeant Crowley, I believe you've asked for Blue Moon, and Professor Gates, I believe you've asked for Becks or Red Stripe.

PG:
Sounds good to me.

SC:
10-4.

BO:
First, let me say that I have great respect for both of your professions.

PG:
Thank you, Mr. President.

SC:
10-4.

BO:
Ah, here's the beer. Gentlemen, let's make a toast.

PG:
Sounds good to me.

SC:
10-4.

BO:
Here's to reconciliation and understanding.

PG:
O.K. But I'd also like an apology from this honky for arresting me in my own house.

SC:
Not a 10-4.

BO:
Sergeant and professor, I've got an idea. Let's play some one-on-one. The loser has to apologize.

PG:
Sounds good to me, but can we make it a game of pig?

BO:
Sergeant? Is this all right with you?

SC:
10-4. Except make it a horse instead of a pig.

BO:
O.K. The winner will be the one who wins best of seven.

PG:
Sounds good to me.

SC:
10-4.

BO:
First, let's have another beer.

PG:
Sounds good to me.

SC:
10-4.

Q & A

Should fattening foods be taxed like tobacco?

A big fat NO!
Soon, our toes, our tongues, our eyeballs, and our belly button lint will be taxed.
Where will it ever END?
Well, that will be taxed too.
In fact, I believe it's being taxed [off] right now.


What’s behind the steep drop in President Obama’s approval rating in the past several weeks?

Citizens are fickle, finicky, and feisty.
Obama has had a lot "on his plate", and the jokes about him being a "messiah" haven't helped.
Americans probably expect too much too soon.
The rise and fall of approval is like the rise and fall of tides, and will forever occur as long as there is life on this planet.
One thing for sure, Obama's popularity will fall even more if the economy is not improved after one year, and then, look out, here come the Republicans!


Are you more or less concerned about global warming than you were a year ago?

I am more concerned.
I am also concerned about those who still contend that Global Warming is not occurring, or that man is not one of its main causes.
Look at the temperatures occurring today in Oregon and Washington State.
Sure, this might be only an aberrant or cyclical occurrence, but what if it isn't?
And what about the recent news that thousands of Pacific islanders will need to relocate in the near future because of rising tides?
Self-denial will not remove the inconvenient truth of Global Warming.

READING BETWEEN THE YIPS AND YELPS

Sunday July 26, at 3pm Alaska time, Governor Sarah Palin stepped down from her position as governor. This is an edited version of her Farewell Address, with words by Mad Plato between brackets.

***************************

What an absolutely beautiful day it is [and so am I], and it is my honor to speak [and ramble] to all Alaskans, to our Alaskan family this last time as your governor. And it is always great to be in Fairbanks [or any kind of bank]. The rugged rugged hardy people that live up here and some of the most patriotic people whom you will ever know live here, and one thing that you are known for is your steadfast support of our military community up here and I thank you for that and thank you United States military for protecting the greatest nation on Earth. Together we stand. [Do I have the flag wrapped around me tightly enough?]
And getting up here I say it is the best road trip in America soaring through nature's finest show. [This sounds poetic, but soaring on the road sounds wrong] Denali, the great one, soaring under the midnight sun. And then the extremes [like my rhetoric]. In the winter time it's the frozen road that is competing with the view of ice fogged frigid beauty [and good alliteration], the cold though, doesn't it split the Cheechakos from the Sourdough [and the wheat from the chaff, and the Cheetos from the Cheerios?]?

[Here’s my best Thomas Wolfe imitation]:
And then in the summertime such extreme summertime [humming "Hot Town Summer in the City"] about a hundred and fifty degrees hotter than just some months ago, than just some months from now [Drill, baby, drill!], with fireweed blooming along the frost heaves and merciless rivers that are rushing and carving and reminding us that here, Mother Nature wins [and moose and wolves lose]. It is as throughout all Alaska that big wild good life teeming along the road that is north to the future. [In my case, the White House] That is what we get to see every day [and Russia]. Now what the rest of America gets to see along with us is in this last frontier there is hope and opportunity and there is country pride [and my pride to leave you].
And it is our men and women in uniform securing it, and we are facing tough challenges in America with some seeming to just be Hell bent maybe on tearing down our nation, perpetuating some pessimism, and suggesting American apologetics, suggesting perhaps that our best days were yesterdays. [So stop it Republicans!] But as other people have asked, "How can that pessimism be, when proof of our greatness, our pride today is that we produce the great proud volunteers who sacrifice everything for country?" Now this week alone, Sean Parnell and I we're on the, um, [On the um? What the heck does that mean?] on Ft. Rich the base there, the army chapel, and we heard the last roll call [I like cinnamon rolls myself], and the sounding of Taps for three very brave, very young Alaskan soldiers who just gave their all for all of us. Together we do stand with gratitude for our troops who protect all of our cherished freedoms, including our freedom of speech which, par for the course, I'm going to exercise [because I don’t play much golf].
And first, some straight talk for some, just some in the media because another right protected for all of us is freedom of the press, and you all have such important jobs reporting facts and informing the electorate, and exerting power to influence [and I resent this]. You represent what could and should be a respected honest profession that could and should be the cornerstone of our democracy. Democracy depends on you, and that is why, that's why our troops are willing to die for you. So, how 'bout in honor of the American soldier, ya quit makin' things up [as I have done...just look at the bottom].

OK, today is a beautiful day and today as we swear in Sean Parnell, no one will be happier than I [the quitter] to witness by God's grace Alaskans with strength of character advancing our beloved state. Sean has that. Craig Campbell has that [and I had that, but I must begin my campaign for 2012]. I remember on that December day, we took the oath to uphold our state constitution, and it was written right here in Fairbanks by very wise pioneers. We shared the vision for government that they ground in that document [and not the document into the ground]. Our founders wrote "all political power is inherent in the people. All government originates with the people. It's founded upon their will only and it's instituted for the good of the people as a whole." [Unless that government invades a country based upon lies.]
I promised that we would protect this beautiful environment [except for those darn wolves and moose] while safely and ethically developing resources, and we did.
I promised that we would manage our fish and wildlife for abundance, and that we would defend the Constitution [Are there fish and wildlife in the Constitution?], and we have, though outside special interest groups they still just don't get it on this one. Let me tell you, Alaskans really need to stick together on this [like molasses on a hockey stick] with new leadership in this area especially, encouraging new leadership... got to stiffen your spine to do what's right for Alaska when the pressure mounts, because you're going to see anti-hunting, anti-second amendment circuses from Hollywood [I didn’t realize Hollywood had circuses] and here's how they do it. They use these delicate, tiny, very talented celebrity starlets [I’m not a bit jealous], they use Alaska as a fundraising tool for their anti-second amendment causes. Stand strong, and remind them patriots will protect our guaranteed, individual right to bear arms [not to arm bears], and by the way, Hollywood needs to know, we eat, therefore we hunt [and we live to hunt].
I promised energy solutions and we have, we have a plan calling for 50% of our electricity generated by renewable resources [but continue to drill, baby, drill!] and we can now insist that those who hold the leases to develop our resources that they do so now on Alaska's terms.
What I promised, we accomplished. "We" meaning state staff, amazing commissioners, great staff assisting them, and conscientious Alaskans outside the bureaucracy - Tom Van Flein, and Meg Stapleton and Kristan Cole, so many others, many volunteers who just stepped up to the challenge as good Alaskans, but nothing, nothing could have succeeded without my right-hand man Kris Perry. She [a man] is the sharpest, boldest, hardest-working partner. Kris is my right-hand man [and woman] and much success is due to Kris.
So much success, and Alaska there is much good in store further down the road, but to reach it we must value and live the optimistic pioneering spirit that made this state proud and free, and we can resist enslavement to big central government that crushes hope and opportunity. Be wary of accepting government largess [unless it pays your way to high political office].
I resisted the stimulus package. I resisted the stimulus package [and I repeat myself] and we have championed earmark reform, slashing earmark [Slashing…now that’s cute...deja vu Van Gogh] requests...
Alaskans will remember that years ago, remember we sported the old bumper sticker that said, "Alaska. We Don't Give a Darn How They Do It Outside?" Do you remember that? I remember that, and remember it was because we would be different. We'd roll up our sleeves, and we would diligently sow and reap, [and shoot and skin] and we can still do this to carve wealth out of the wilderness and make our living on the water [and in the soil and under the ice], with strong hands and innovative minds, now with smarter technology. It is what our first people and our parents did. It worked, because they worked. We must be prudent and persistent and press for the people's right [and more alliteration] to responsibly develop God-given resources for the maximum benefit of the people.
Yes, America must look north [and East...where I'm going] to the future for security, for energy independence, for our strategic location on the globe.
So, we are here today at a changing of the guard [and hunter]. Now, people who know me, and they know how much I love this state, some still are choosing not to hear why I made the decision to chart a new course to advance the state [and the state of myself].
So, as we all move forward together, let's vow to keep championing Alaska, to advocate responsible development, and smaller government, and freedom, and when I took the oath to serve you, I promised [I didn't promise that I would stay]...remember I promised to steadfastly and doggedly guard the interests of this great state like that grizzly guards her cubs [because I only go after wolf pups and moose calves], as a mother naturally guards her own. And I will keep that vow wherever the road may lead [to the White House or the outhouse]. Todd and I, and Track, Bristol, Tripp, Willow, Piper, Trig...I think I got 'em all [unless there’s one in the oven].
So let's all enjoy the ride [I know I’m going to once I leave here], and I thank you Alaska, and God bless Alaska and God bless America.


***


The Odd Lies Of Sarah Palin: A Round-Up By Andrew Sullivan
http://andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com/the_daily_dish/2009/07/the-odd-lies-of-sarah-palin


Palin lied when she said the dismissal of her public safety commissioner, Walt Monegan, had nothing to do with his refusal to fire state trooper Mike Wooten; in fact, the Branchflower Report concluded that she repeatedly abused her power when dealing with both men.
Palin lied when she repeatedly claimed to have said, "Thanks, but no thanks" to the Bridge to Nowhere; in fact, she openly campaigned for the federal project when running for governor.
Palin lied when she denied that Wasilla's police chief and librarian had been fired; in fact, both were given letters of termination the previous day.
Palin lied when she wrote in the NYT that a comprehensive review by Alaska wildlife officials showed that polar bears were not endangered; in fact, email correspondence between those scientists showed the opposite.
Palin lied when she claimed in her convention speech that an oil gas pipeline "began" under her guidance; in fact, the pipeline was years from breaking ground, if at all.
Palin lied when she told Charlie Gibson that she does not pass judgment on gay people; in fact, she opposes all rights between gay spouses and belongs to a church that promotes conversion therapy.
Palin lied when she denied having said that humans do not contribute to climate change; in fact, she had previously proclaimed that human activity was not to blame.
Palin lied when she claimed that Alaska produces 20 percent of the country's domestic energy supply; in fact, the actual figures, based on any interpretation of her words, are much, much lower.
Palin lied when she told voters she improvised her convention speech when her teleprompter stopped working properly; in fact, all reports showed that the machine had functioned perfectly and that her speech had closely followed the script.
Palin lied when she recalled asking her daughters to vote on whether she should accept the VP offer; in fact, her story contradicts details given by her husband, the McCain campaign, and even Palin herself. (She later added another version.)
Palin lied when she claimed to have taken a voluntary pay cut as mayor; in fact, as councilmember she had voted against a raise for the mayor, but subsequent raises had taken effect by the time she was mayor.
Palin lied when she insisted that Wooten's divorce proceedings had caused his confidential records to become public; in fact, court officials confirmed they released no such records.
Palin lied when she suggested to Katie Couric that she was involved in trade missions with Russia; in fact, she has never even met with Russian officials.
Palin lied when she told Shimon Peres that the only flag in her office was the Israeli flag; in fact, she has several flags.
Palin lied when she claimed to have tried to divest government funds from Sudan; in fact, her administration openly opposed a bill that would have done just that.
Palin lied when she repeatedly claimed that troop levels in Iraq were back to pre-surge levels; in fact, even she acknowledged her "misstatements," though she refused to retract or apologize.
Palin lied when she insisted that the Branchflower Report "showed there was no unlawful or unethical activity on my part"; in fact, that report prominently stated, "Palin abused her power by violating Alaska Statute 39.52.110(a) of the Alaska Executive Branch Ethics Act."
Palin lied when she claimed to have voiced concerns over Wooten fearing he would harm her family; in fact, she actually decreased her security detail during that period.
Palin lied when asked about the $150,000 worth of clothes provided by the RNC; in fact, solid reporting contradicted several parts of her statement.
Palin lied when she suggested that she had offered the media proof of her pregnancy with Trig to "correct the record"; in fact, no reports of her medical records were ever published; and the letter from her doctor testifying to her good health only emerged hours before polling ended on election day, even though there was nothing in it that couldn't have been released two months earlier.
Palin lied when she said that "reported" allegations of her banning Harry Potter as mayor was easily refutable because it had not even been written yet; in fact, the first book in that series was published in 1998 - two years into her first term - and such rumors were never reported by the media, only circulated as emails.
Palin lied when she denied having participated in a clothes audit with campaign laywers; in fact, the Washington Times later confirmed those details.
Palin lied when asked about Couric's question regarding her reading habits; in fact, Couric's words were not, "What do you read up there in Alaska?" or anything close to condescension.
Palin lied when she mischaracterized the "$1200 check" given to Alaskans as the permanent fund dividend check; in fact, that fund had yielded $2,069 per person, and she claimed otherwise to obscure the fact that Alaskans also received a $1200 rebate check from a windfall profits tax on oil companies - a tax widely criticized by Republicans.
Palin lied when she claimed to be unaware of a turkey being slaughtered behind her during a filmed interview; in fact, the cameraman said she had picked the spot herself, while the slaughter was underway.
Palin lied when she denied having rejected federal stimulus money; in fact, she continued to accept and reject the funds several times.
Palin lied when she claimed that legislative leaders had canceled a meeting with her to hold their own press conference; in fact, they only canceled it after being told she would not participate, and the purpose of the press conference was very different from the meeting's.
Palin lied when she announced on the news that she never holds closed-door meetings; in fact, she had just attended a closed-door meeting with the legislature earlier that day.
Palin lied when she said that former aide John Bitney's "amicable" departure was for "personal" reasons; in fact, Bitney said he was fired because of his relationship with the wife of Palin's friend, plus a Palin spokesperson later claimed "poor job performance" for his firing - without elaborating.
Palin lied when she said she kept her running injury a secret on the campaign trail; in fact, her bandaged hand was clearly visible in photographs and the story was widely talked about.
Palin lied when she claimed that Alaska has spent "millions of dollars" on litigation related to her ethics complaints; in fact, that figure is much, much lower, and she had initiated the most expensive inquiry.
Palin lied when she denied that the Alaska Independence Party supports secession and denied that her husband had been a member; in fact, even the McCain campaign noted that the party's very existence is based on secession and that Todd was a member for seven years.

PROOF OF CITIZENSHIP

THE CHARACTERS

BO:
Barack Obama

SS:
Secret Service

MO:
Michelle Obama

AGENTS:
FBI and the US Citizenship and Immigration Services

***


BO:
Hello? Yes, this is the President.

SS:
Sir, we have some visitors.

BO:
At Four in the morning?

SS:
Yes sir. It's USCIS and FBI.

BO:
What on earth do they want?

SS:
Proof of citizenship, sir.

BO:
Whose citizenship?

SS: Yours, sir.

BO: You've got to be kidding?

SS: No sir.

BO: Can't this wait until later?

SS: No sir. They have a Federal Warrant.

BO: Alright, just let me put on my bullet-proof vest, and I'll be right down.

MO:
What's the problem, honey?

BO:
Nothing serious. I'll be right back.

BO:
Good morning, fellows.

AGENT:
Sorry, sir, BUT we need to see some identification.

BO:
I'm the President of the United States. I don't need to do anything of the sort.

AGENT:
Actually sir, that's exactly why we need to see some identification. We need definitive proof of your citizenship.

BO:
You can't be serious?

AGENTS:
Yes, we can be sir. Now, if you'll just come outside we'd like to ask you a few questions.

BO:
I want to know your names and badge numbers.

AGENTS:
We'll do that sir, but first you must come outside.

BO:
This is stupid and silly. As President, I am ordering you off of the White House premises now.

AGENTS:
Sir, if you don't do as we ask, we'll have to handcuff you and bring you in.

BO:
I'm not budging. Michelle! Call Joe Biden and tell him to get down here lickety-split.

MONEY DOESN'T GROW ON TREES

“The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.”
King Henry VI Part 2 » Act 4. Scene II

William Shakespeare


Revised:
“The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers and bankers!”

Mad Plato

LUNACY IN THE AIR

GRETA:Today is not just another day, Lety.

LETY:
How so?

GRETA:Men are celebrating their first footsteps on the Moon.

LETY:Only because we let them do so.

GRETA:True, and as long as they don't step anywhere else, they can have their little moon-landing party.

LETY:I know, but it sure keeps us busy, tracking all of the bad things that they do to themselves and their planet.

GRETA: Maybe we should just ignore them.
LETY:Headquarters won't let us.

GRETA:I know, but I can dream.

LETY:Well, we'd better get back to our monitors and see what's cooking on Earth.

GRETA: Speaking of cooking, what do you want to have for lunch?

LETY: I feel like a Big Mac or Whopper today.

CRIMES SECRETS AND PUNISHMENTS OF WISE WHITE MEN

The worst part is that Bush and Cheney still remain free from investigation and prosecution.

As if neither man had not done anything wrong.

And we are allowing this to occur.

They are living scot-free of their ignominy.

They have not been left to hang dry (or just hang) for their Iraq war.

Bush stood on the 9/11 rubble and had his spontaneous, blowhorn moment that bathed America in patriotic and rhetorical colors of red, white, and blue.

His smirks, bad English, and lies came later.

America was ready and willing to fight.

Dick and George were ready to prevaricate.

Media attention was not very close or critical back then.

Congress let Bush and Dick do just as they wished.

Bush and Dick were able to "Get away with murder," as the savage saying goes.

The Patriot Act (written well before 9/11 and ready "to go") was not read by Congress, but it was immediately voted upon and passed.

The under-investigated causes and effects of September 11, 2001 are now amply and conveniently replaced with indiscretions by our fine senators and congressmen, and with untimely deaths of stars and superstars.

It's pathetic and sad.

What Shotgun Dick and King George did before the Iraq war is just as egregious and wrong as what they did after their shock and awe began.

The attention on the things that Cheney did with regard to the C.I.A. is of less importance than what he and Bush did days before---the day of---and in the days following 9/11.

There still needs to be a very independent investigation of all of their words and acts which fabricated their reasons (treasons) to invade and bomb Iraq.

Not just torture, domestic surveillance, the "outing" of Valerie Plame etc. etc. etc. etc etc etc.

Maybe after the economy bounces back the Democrats will have enough courage to get this ball "rolling".

But probably not.

In the meantime, Dick, stay out of Spain.

And George, have a taxi ready and running to take you to the airport so you that you can catch your plane and go quickly to Chaco, Paraguay.

PINNOCHIO AND THE MEN WITH A THOUSAND SIMILES

LIKE AN IMMORTAL VAMPIRE...

LIKE THE SUN...

LIKE SATAN...

LIKE DARK MATTER...

LIKE THE MISSING LINK...

LIKE A LIE...

JUST LIKE

HISTORY...

THEY AND WHAT

THEY DID...

JUST

WON'T

GO

AWAY!

A MIDSUMMER'S NIGHTMARE

TOO MANY PIGS WITH LIPSTICK.

TOO MANY WOLVES IN SHEEPS' CLOTHING.

TOO MANY GLASS HOUSES WITH WAY TOO MANY ROCKS.

TOO MUCH DIRTY LAUNDRY AND TOO MUCH LAUNDERED MONEY.
(BUT APPARENTLY NOT ENOUGH SEX OR DRUGS.)

THE SAME SINKING SHIP.

THE SAME OLD STORY.

THE SAME OLD BOTTLE
(JUST DIFFERENT WINE)

ONLY THE CHARACTERS' NAMES CHANGE.

Que sera, sera.

Carpe Diem.

DOLPHINS WHALES APES AND MEN

Not From Tall Trees Did We Descend
But From Deep Seas Around The Earth
Did we have our Birth and End.

By M.L. Squier



I just penned---or rather typed---these lines because I have been thinking about some intriguing ideas in a book called Water and Sexuality (an intriguing title in itself) by Michel Odent.

Last year in one of my English classes an idea surfaced (as so many do).

The subject was evolution.

Human evolution.

Did humans really "come from" Chimpanzees and Monkeys...

Or might they have "come from" Dolphins and Whales?

To whom are humans most closely related?

No answers have been definitively given, but below are some intriguing thoughts that I found in Water and Sexuality.


***


"For many thousands of years the countless philosophers and scholars who pronounced on human nature did so without seeing that man is first an aquatic primate. The time has come for a radically new vision of man."

"To the voices of those who wonder whether man is destined to return to the sea, one can add the voices putting this question the other way round: was man more acquatic in the past? Might it not have been in the sea that man learned to stand up? Might it not have possible that the direct ancestor of man, the missing link, was a primate spending some of its life in water?"

"There are one hundred and niney-three living species of monkeys and apes. One hundred and ninety-two of them are covered with hair. The exception is a naked ape self-named Homo sapiens."

"With his layer of fat under the skin, man is an exception among the primates. Apes also have some fat; however, it is not under the skin but mostly around the internal organs of the abdomen. This fat's only function is to serve as an energy reserve."
"On the other hand, a layer of subcutaneous fat is common to all mammals that are adapted to water. This layer of fat protects them against the cold. It also makes them more buoyant. Their bodies are streamlined, more 'aquadynamic'. This characteristic of human beings appears at a very early age. Compared with the chubby human baby, the baby ape is thin and bony."
"When you look at the human being as a primate adapted to water, the meaning of nakedness and subcutaneous fat ceases to be mysterious. The skin and subcutaneous fat of the Hippopotamus amphibius together weigh 450 kg!"

"Generally speaking, whether in an upright or horizontal position, the spine of sea mammals is aligned with hind limbs. Here is an essential point in common between humans and cetaceans. Adaptation to water goes with great flexibility of the spine, which is another point in common between humans and cetaceans. Thanks to the great flexibility of the spine, some humans can cover a distance of a hundred metres in less than a minute by swimming in a butterfly style, using the legs in a dolphin-like kick. There is no example of an ape that can bend backwards."

"Once more, what makes man an exception among the primates is the rule among cetaceans. From the many descriptions of sea mammals mating, it seems that always happens face to face, with exception of seals and sea-lions when they are on the shore."

"Man is the only primate who floods his eyes to express certain feelings. Although a chimpanzee can express a wide range of emotions, you'll never see a tear in his eye."

"There are several skin disorders that occur only in humans. Examples of these are acne, seborrhoea and sebaceous cysts."
"Overactivity of the sebaceous glands is so common among adolescents that it could be considered as a normal stage in the development of human skin. What is this process all about? Why have we this ability to cover our skin with a thin film of fat? Is it evidence of adaptation to water? One might add this fact to the property fish oils have to reduce the permeability of skin to water."

"...although whales and dolphins belong to an order of mammals very distant to primates, they share with man a huge cerebral development, which is apparently of the same scale. One could even put forward the claim that the degree of encephalization of the dolphin is greater than that of man, if you just compare weight and size. It is worth noting that 95.9 per cent of the human brain is covered by the neocortex, whereas it covers 97.8 per cent of the dolphin's brain."

"It has been calculated that the dolphin can receive at least ten times more information through its sense organs than we can. But the dolphin does not have hands, and the hand can be considered a true sensory organ, with it immense zone of projection on the brain."
"Despite all this, the greatest part of the cortex in the dolphin, just as in man, has much more to do than simply to analyse the information given to it by the sensory organs. It is as if, set free from practical worries, humans and dolphins have time to think."

"How has it been possible, for so many thousands of years, that countless philosophers and scholars, who were pronouncing on human nature, did so without seeing that Homo sapiens is above all Homo aquaticus?

"The point is that even with the current technological advances, fossil specialists cannot build one single satisfactory theory of the genesis of man. There is a blank of several million years to fill."

"The belief that water was the beginning of all things persisted in the teaching of Thales of Miletus, whose philosophy marks the transition in Western thought from mythical forms to scientific speculations about the origins of the world."
"The probability that the sea covered a part of East Africa for a period might be a key for comprehending the emergence of man; it may also be a root of cross-cultural myths and legends. It adds support to the growing conviction among evolutionists that the emergence of man was accomplished more rapidly than was once imagined. It adds powerful support to the theories of Alister Hardy. And it makes us think twice about the limitations of an approach that is based exclusively on fossils. What are the chances of finding fossils that can be used by scientists? This difficulty is not insurmountable. Some whales are known only by their fossils. La Lumiere noticed that most hominid remains have been found in rocks that seem to have been formed in lakes and estuaries."

Was Humanity Born in the Water?
"We have seen that most of the features that distinguish man from the apes can be interpreted as signs of adaptation to an aquatic environment. We have drawn attention to the fact that the missing link probably corresponds to the time when part of the African continent was covered by sea. But there is still one stage to be considered before the aquatic theory can be accepted as a serious basis for reflection and study. This stage is a toing and froing between land and sea, which is a well-known and common phenomenon in the process of evolution."
"Going back to the sea is an ordinary evolutionary process, involving birds such as penguins and reptiles such as crocodiles and snakes. When one thinks of the mammals who returned to the sea, cetaceans such as whales, dolphins and porpoises come first to mind. Like all mammals, they are warm-blooded animals; they breathe air, develop in the uterus before birth, and go through a period of breast-feeding. It is generally agreed that these mammals started to go back to the sea about seventy millions years ago, and that they derive from two or three different terrestrial species."
"It is important to realize that every known order of mammal has cousins in the water. The dugong and the manatee are the descendants of vegetarian hoofed animals; seals, sea-lions and walruses are the descendants of carnivorous animals; beavers are the cousins of purely terrestrial rodents. So why is ti impossible that a primate temporarily followed the same route? This primate is man."

"The skeleton of an extinct variety of aquatic primate, the Oreopithecus, has been found in Italy. The bones were preserved because they sank into the mud. This primate, adapted to life in the swamp, had many points in common with man, such as the short, broad pelvis and the elbow of an upright walker, as well as a flattened face."

"Since the passage between sea and land is possible in both directions, and since some animal species are amphibious, there is no a priori reason why certain mammals adapted to water should not go back to dry land. This might have been so in the case of the elephant. The elephant has many things in common with aquatic mammals. It has practically no hair and has webbing between its toes. The opening in the skin for nostrils is above the eyes, as in sea mammals (in the elephant this is hidden because the air canal continues down inside the trunk). The elephant is an excellent swimmer and expresses emotions by shedding tears. At the birth of the baby elephant, there is always an 'aunt': an experienced female that plays the role of the midwife. The presence of a midwife might be a point in common between sea mammals, elephants and humans."

Towards the Ocean
"The authentic Homo sapiens will turn more and more towards the water, the sea, the ocean. He will look to the element as a feminine symbol---water as a symbol and sexuality cannot be dissociated---and this will help him to become reintegrated into nature."
"He will also turn his attention towards the water in the search for new sources of energy. He will be inspired by the process of photosynthesis that plants have used for billions of years. He will try to meet the challenge of solar hydrogen, and split water into hydrogen and oxygen by electrolysis. Water might become the fuel of the future. And if one day we learn how to fuse the nuclei of two types of hydrogen, it will be another chapter in the story of hydrogen, which is a component part of water."
"Man will turn also towards the ocean to bring to an end the burning of the planet. He will learn to master the infinite energy oceans can offer to man. Can he do that without making the ocean a new colony? Can he do that and maintain an ocean as a respected universe?"

"The ocean provides Homo sapiens with a focus for the rediscovery of the central metaphor of an old and forgotten wisdom. It is the vision of the ocean where every wave, apparently distinct, is intrinsic to the whole. Every being is a temporary and fleeting form that is absorbed in an amorphous and unlimited whole."
'The sage who wants to change the world will have to look towards the water,' said the Taoist Tchouang-Tsu. The sage who wants to change the world must look at the new-born baby. 'Civilization will commence on the day when the well-being of the new-born baby prevails over any other consideration,' said Wilhelm Reich. Let us combine these two prophecies at a time when the advent of an authentic Homo sapiens is the only chance for the planet to survive. May such wisdom, such sapience, be the prime accomplishment of man."

***


The following is a commentary on the human-dolphin connection involving little known facts. As the result of scientific research, it is becoming more convincing that dophins are the "other humans" that share the planet with us.

Seem like a far-fetched idea? Many of the commonly accepted world views of today were not so common nor accepted at one time. A shift in world opinion first begins with the first few pioneers who bravely introduce a new thought that often meets with great resistance and disbelief ...at first.

The ancestral connections between dolphins and humans is based on continuing research and other convincing evidence. You may find it quite thought provoking.


DOLPHIN-HUMAN-APE
by Paula Peterson
Earthcode International Network

The aquatic ape theory was first put forward by Alister Hardy, research scientist and Professor of Zoology, Oxford University, back in 1960.

Hardy suggested that many of the characteristics that make humans so very different than the apes can be accounted for if humankind passed through a semi-aquatic phase a very long time ago.

An increasing number of anthropologists and other scientists are considering the aquatic ape theory more seriously.

Our aquatic phase is theorized to have taken place between nine and three million years ago, at a time which corresponds with the emergence of the dolphin of today.

Mounting evidence suggests that human's are more closely related to dolphins, far more than they are related to apes. Some of you may be laughing and scoffing right now. However, if you've studied the latest scientific research, you would be impressed.

Continuing research increasingly supports that humans, dolphins, and apes evolved from a common ancestor.

Why hasn't any of this research been made more public? Obviously, it clashes with the versions set down by academic institutions throughout the world: humans evolved from the apes - and few have challenged it. Darwin did a good job of convincing us, and largely, his theories laid the foundation for all subsequent research studies involving human origin. Studies on human-ape correlation seem endless.

There are fewer studies comparing humans and cetaceans (dolphins and whales). These studies have been restricted to the similarities of the brain, especially the neocortex. In this regard the cetacean brain is nearly identical, and may even be superior to the human brain according to the latest research. But there are many more similarities as follows.

Research into the skeletal structure of Cetaceans shows vestiges of toes (fingers?) and dewclaws (thumbs?). These evolved into powerful flippers and tails, indicating that dolphins and whales once lived on the land. But that research is pretty common knowledge these days.

What are lesser known, and far more interesting characteristics, are those that point to some fascinating connections with humans. In the works of theorist Sir Alister Hardy, award-winning writer Elaine Morgan, and in the studies of Dr. Michel Odent---world famous surgeon and pioneer into human water births - dolphins, humans and apes are likely to have evolved from a common ancestor millions of years ago.
One of the most noticeable differences between human and ape is the lack of hair. Humans do, indeed, have hairs all over the body. However, the hairs are short, fine and less conspicuous. The argument for this difference is that our early ancestors had to stay cool from the heat of the Savanna deserts where early humans are said to have first appeared. But that makes no sense. Even in the hottest countries, apes and other animals still have hair. In fact, the hair provides insulation and protection from heat as well as the suns rays.

And why did the hunting male, who was likely to over heat in the course of the hunt, retain more hair than the slower-moving female waiting back home?

Aquatic ape theory points out that virtually all hairless mammals are either aquatic or wallowers. The longer an animal has been in the water, the more complete the hair loss. Dolphins still retain a few vestigial bristles around their snout, but otherwise, their silken skin is entirely naked.

The only ocean mammals that have fur are those who get out of the water to spend time on land in cold climates such as seals or otters. It's interesting that human's have most of the hair on their heads, which is the part of the body that is above water while swimming. The aquatic ape theory suggests that humans kept the hair on their heads for protection and to give their offspring something to hang onto while the parent spent time wallowing in the water.

Having no hair on the body makes human skin very sensitive and pleasurable to touch. Lack of body hair, sensitive skin, and sensuality is a common trait humans share with dolphins and other cetaceans.

Male apes mount the female only from behind during copulation. The most frequent position during copulating humans is face to face. The only position of copulation for dolphins is face to face. Dolphins, like humans, have sex even when they are not in heat which is unusual in the animal kingdom.

It has been hypothesized that the larger brain and expanded neocortex - which is a common trait shared between humans, dolphins and whales - is correlated with increased sexual activity which is unconnected with reproductive goals. Homosexual contact is common among dolphins and is rarely found elsewhere among animals (although there are studies in which this behavior has been observed in other animal species).

There is a fatty layer beneath the skin of all humans that makes us different than all other apes, which have no such fatty layer. The human infant's extra fatty tissue gives them natural buoyancy. This fatty layer is found in dolphins and all ocean dwelling mammals.

Although most apes have a fear of water, humans are highly attracted to water and will swim for pleasure. Human infants can swim before they can walk. These traits are uncommon among the apes. Humans are also equipped with a diving reflex. This is not found among apes. When a human dips his face in water, the heart rate immediately slows down. This kind of reflex is found in dolphins, whales and all animals that dive.

The infamous freestyle diver, Jacques Mayol, was able to plunge to a depth of over 100 meters during a single held breath. Mayol believes that dolphins were a source of inspiration to him.

Humans perspire as a response to heat. Apes do not. Humans shed tears. Apes do not. The interesting thing about tear glands is that it is commonly found among sea mammals as an adaptation to the marine environment.

When comparing humans and apes, the mechanics of human births are difficult - and among the apes it is not. There is no pelvic cavity in apes and the infant's head is always smaller than the mother's skeleton which makes birthing easy. In humans, birth is painful and often difficult because the infant's head - from the frontal lobes to the back - is larger than the mother's pelvic floor. The shoulders are larger, too, making it necessary for the baby to advance through the birth canal in a spiral motion in order to come out. Dolphin infants also spiral out through the birth canal.

Apes give birth alone, without help, usually in the dead of night, and they eat the placenta. Human births often require help from at least one other and only in certain rare, remote cultures does a human mother eat the placenta. Unique among mammals, dolphin births require an experienced female to be in attendance to help and the placenta is never eaten.

In an upright or horizontal position, the spine of sea mammals is aligned with the hind limbs, as it is in humans. Adaptation to water requires that the spine be very flexible, as it is in both dolphins and humans. This is not so with apes.

And then, of course, there are many studies comparing the similarities of the human and dolphin brain. Dolphins and humans both have huge cerebral (neocortical) development, which is apparently on the same scale. On the other hand, the brain of the ape is very small, with very little neocortex development. Dolphins are amazingly intelligent; there is no question about it. However, how researchers go about determining intelligence is through human perspective. It is not only possible, but highly likely that dolphins have an intelligence that goes well beyond our ability to measure it, and that they use their intelligence in a very different way than we do.

For instance, inside the dolphin brain is a chamber that baffles researchers: recent studies imply that this mysterious area of the brain may serve in achieving meditative states, contemplation or abstract thought. A favorite theory is that this chamber is not only responsible for all these activities, but that it additionally serves in telepathic communication and in visualizing in holographic fashion.

Among the apes, there has been a steady, adaptive increase in brain size throughout their evolutionary period. Yet the prehistoric development of the human brain does not follow this trend: it takes an unprecedented leap forward.

The human brain has become greatly different from the mammals to an extent shared only with the bottlenose dolphin.

Special kinds of lipids, known as the essential fatty acids, are the building blocks for brain tissue. These acids – the omega-6 fatty acids from leafy green and seed-bearing plants and the omega-3 fatty acids from marine phyto-plankton and algae – are used in the human brain in a balance of 1:1 and is shared only with the dolphins which have the same ratio. Biochemicaly, dolphins are still land mammals living in a marine environment.

The list goes on and on, and only a few points of comparisons have been covered: there are many others. Some of you reading this article intuitively know there is truth to these statements and it simply makes sense. Others may need a lot more convincing. However, it's likely that most will agree that dolphins and whales are extraordinary creatures, and it's becoming more difficult to classify them as mere animals. They are, in many ways, the "other humans" who choose to live in the sea.

It's interesting, too, that Jacques Cousteau - legendary ocean explorer - wrote that the original sin was gravity and that we will only achieve redemption when we return to the water - as cetaceans did long ago.

To learn more about the fascinating Aquatic Ape theory, please check out Elaine Morgan's works---author of the highly acclaimed The Descent of Woman and The Aquatic Ape.

If you want to read more on the amazing comparisons with dolphins and humans, read the book Water and Sexuality by internationally acclaimed, Dr. Michel Odent. It isn't really about sexuality: perhaps he gave it that title to attract more readers!

©by Paula Peterson 2003




Humans Genes Closer To Dolphins' Than Any Land Animals
by Seema Kumar

Discovery Channel Online News

January 1998

For years, marine biologists have told us that dolphins share many traits with humans, including intelligence and friendliness. Now, a comparison of dolphin and human chromosomes shows that the genetic make-up of dolphins is amazingly similar to humans.

In fact, researchers at Texas A&M University have found that dolphins have more in common with us genetically than cows, horses or pigs.

"The extent of the genetic similarity came as a real surprise to us," says David Busbee of Texas A&M University, who published his results in last week's Cytogenetics and Cell Genetics.

This information will not only help researchers construct the genetic blueprint of dolphins, but also bolster conservation efforts.

Aided by the progress made in mapping the human genome, researchers will continue to identify individual genes on dolphin chromosomes. Busbee estimates it will save them 20 years of work, and the similarities and differences will reveal how long ago humans and dolphins branched off the evolutionary tree.

Researchers at Texas A&M University applied "paints," or fluorescently labeled human chromosomes, to dolphin chromosomes, and found that 13 of 22 dolphin chromosomes were exactly the same as human chromosomes.

Of the remaining nine dolphin chromosomes, many were combinations or rearrangements of their human counterparts. Researchers also identified three dolphin genes that were similar to human genes.

Until now, researchers have never been able to do genetic studies of dolphins because they are a protected species, making it difficult to get tissues from them. However, Busbee was able to grow colonies of cells from fetal tissues when a female dolphin miscarried.

"Dolphins are marine mammals that swim in the ocean and it was astonishing to learn that we had more in common with the dolphin than with land mammals," says Horst Hameister, professor of medical genetics at the University of Ulm in Germany.

In the past 15 years, the world's dolphin populations have declined considerably, exacerbated by high levels of PCBs. Researchers speculate that PCBs impair the immune systems of dolphins, leaving them vulnerable to disease.

"If we can show that humans are similar to dolphins, and anything that endangers dolphins is an equal concern for humans, it may be easier to persuade governments to become serious about combating industrial pollution and keeping oceans clean," says Busbee.

By Seema Kumar, Discovery Channel Online News




Man

Man
Once
Had
Tiny
Bones
In
His
Tail
But
Were
These
From
The monkey or the whale?
And
Holy cow!
Man had muscles in his ears
And somehow wiggled them to show his fears.
Was this creation or evolution?
Is man
God's divination
Or some
Devil's abomination?
By M.L. Squier

FLYING FISH

Many an animal might wish

That it could be a flying fish

Swimming, Swimming

Swiftly, Swiftly

Upon the water

Then up and away

Into the blue air.

We watch and wonder how

It ever got up there.

Birds watch, too, and remember

Their watery past.

Fish have become birds

That once were just fish.

I sometimes wonder if

Men were once dolphins

Who left the salty sea---

To become you and me---

Homo sapiens?

By M.L. Squier



IT'S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES AND EVOLUTION

CROOKED INTELLIGENCE AGENCY

REPORTER:
Does the C.I.A. ever lie?

C.I.A.:
No.

REPORTER:
Was that a lie?

C.I.A.:
Maybe.

REPORTER:
Was the Iraq war based on lies?

C.I.A.:
Maybe.

REPORTER:
Will the sun rise tomorrow?

C.I.A.:
Maybe.

READING BETWEEN THE HONKING COOKINESS AND CASUISTRY

Below is a transcript of Sarah Palin’s speech on Friday, July 3, 2009 in Wasilla, Alaska, as she announced that she would be resigning as governor, as recorded by The New York Times.
Words between brackets are by Mad Plato.

I appreciate you all being here and I just want to say hi to Alaska [And Russia], I appreciate speaking directly to the people that I serve, as governor [And as a rifle-toting soccer mom].
And I thank you all for coming here today on the shores of Lake Lucille [Any Little Richard fans out there?]. This is a source of inspiration for my family and for me. And I’m thankful that Todd flew in last night from commercial fishing grounds in Bristol Bay to stand by my side as always [smelling somewhat rank and randy].
It’s the eve of our celebration [or destruction] of independence as a nation. It’s a time to remember our nation’s dear souls who sacrificed so selflessly so that we all may live in freedom. From the shores of Maine to Texas and California to the tip of Barrow [And my barrel], we live in peace because centuries ago so many fought for something far greater than themselves [something called Land and Oil]. And so many continue to fight for us today and so I say, God bless our military on this eve of Independence Day.
Well, people who know me know that besides faith and family, nothing is more important to me than our beloved Alaska [And her bears, moose, and wolves]. Serving her people is the greatest honor that I could imagine.
Alaska’ mission: to contribute to America. We’re strategic in the world as the air crossroads of the world [and for Vladimir Putin], as a gatekeeper of the continent. And bold visionaries, they knew this [without using hallucinatory drugs or steroids]. And they knew that Alaska would be part of America’s great destiny. This land blessed with clean air and water and wildlife and minerals and oil and gas [and me]. It’s energy. God gave us energy [and we gave ourselves gas…and Alka- Seltzer].
We’re doing so well, my administration. My administration’s accomplishments, they speak for themselves [So why do I need to talk about them?].
We took government out of the dairy business. We put it back into the private-sector’s hands [Around swollen udders] where it should be.
You don’t hear much about the good stuff in the press anymore, though, do you? Some say things changed for me on August 29th last year — the day that John McCain tapped me to be his running mate [My wardrobe changed]. And it was an honor to stand beside a true American hero. I say others changed [their boxers or briefs?].
Political operatives descended on Alaska last August, digging for dirt [When they should’ve been digging for oil].
If I’ve learned one thing it’s that life is about choices and one chooses how to react to circumstances [Just look at how I reacted to David Letterman]. You can choose to engage in things that tear down or that build up and I choose to work very hard on a path for fruitfulness and productivity [and will continue to shoot wolves and moose.] I choose not to tear down and waste precious time [like now] but to build up this state and our great country and her industrious and generous and patriotic and free people.


[Get ready for a very long and tortuous sentence fragment.]
Life is too short [but I’m not] to compromise time and resources and though it may be tempting and more comfortable to just kind of keep your head down and plod along and appease those who are demanding [Demanding what?], hey, just sit down and shut up [But why should I?]. But that’s a worthless, easy path out. That’s a quitter’s way out. And I think a problem in our country today is apathy [and idiopathy]. It would be apathetic to just kind of hunker down and go with the flow. We’re fishermen and we know that only dead fish go with the flow [But don’t live fish swim downstream as well? I need to do more research].

[Get ready for a very long sentence that contains a lot of ANDS]
And I’ll work very hard for others who still believe in free enterprise and smaller government and strong national security for our country and support for our troops and energy independence and for those who will protect freedom and equality and life [AND don’t believe Samuel Johnson when he said that "Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel."].
I will support others who seek to serve in or out of office [Mine or theirs], and I don’t care what party they’re in or no party at all [Just as long as I’m the life of the party], inside Alaska or outside of Alaska.
But I won’t do it from the governor’s desk [Or on it]. I’ve never believed that I nor anyone else needs a title to do this…So I choose for my state and for my family more freedom to progress all the way around [In and out…Up and down].
So that Alaska will progress [And not regress], I will not seek re-election as governor. And so as I thought about this announcement, that I wouldn’t run for re-election and what that means for Alaska, I thought about, well, how much fun some governors have as lame ducks [These vocal Wasilla ducks sure aren’t lame]. They [The politicians not the ducks] maybe travel around their state, travel to other states, maybe take their overseas international trade missions. So many politicians do that. And then I thought, that’s what wrong. Many just accept that lame duck status and they hit the road [or fly and then waddle about lamely], they draw a paycheck, they kind of milk it, and I’m not going to put Alaskans through that [I prefer shooting---not milking].
With this announcement that I’m not seeking re-election, I’ve determined it’s best to transfer the authority of governor to Lieutenant Governor Parnell. And I am [not humbly] willing to do this so that this administration [mine] with its positive agenda and its accomplishments and its successful road to an incredible future for Alaska so that it can continue [like this long, run-on sentence fragment] without interruption [except for this one] and with great administrative and legislative success.
[Let me take a deep breath.]
My choice is to take a stand and effect change and not just hit our head [You see, Alaska…you, me, and America are all attached to one big head] against the wall… Rather we know we can effect positive change outside government at this moment in time [Not just space], on another scale [not just the fishy kind], and actually make a difference for our priorities---and so we will, for Alaskans and for Americans [and for my run for the Presidency in 2012].
Let me go back quickly to a comfortable analogy for me---sports, basketball [Even though I’m a soccer mom]. And I use it because you are naïve [If that sounds like an insult---too bad] if you don’t see a full-court press from the national level picking away right now. A good point guard, here’s what she does. She drives through a full court press, protecting the ball, keeping her head up because she needs to keep her eye on the basket [Not on her big feet]. And she knows exactly when to pass the ball [And her title and responsibility as governor] so that the team can win. And that is what I’m doing---keeping our eye [You see again how we have the same eye---OUR EYE---in the same head] on the ball that represents sound priorities---you remember they include energy independence and smaller government and national security and freedom!
[And ice cream, baseball, mother, and apple pie all wrapped inside the flag!]
And I know when it’s time to pass the ball for victory [And for my Presidential campaign!].
And I’ve given my reasons now, very candidly, truthfully [And unctuously and superciliously]. And my last day won’t be for another few weeks so the transition will be very smooth [Like creamy peanut butter].
And I really don’t want to disappoint anyone with this announcement [But I guess I think I might have if I need to say that I didn’t want to], not with the decision that I have made. My decision [Not my other personality’s or Todd’s]. All I can ask is that you trust me with this decision and know that it is no more politics as usual [Just the usual politics].
And some Alaskans it seemed today, maybe they don’t mind wasting public dollars and state time but I do [Boy, this last sentence sounds awkward]. And I cannot stand here [Nor sit] as your governor and allow the millions of dollars and all that time go to waste just so that I can hold the title of governor. Some are going to question the timing of this [And the motives]. And let me must say that this decision has been in the works for a while [Just don’t ask why]. In fact, this decision comes after much consideration, prayer and consideration [I forget which one was first]. And finally I polled the most important people in my life, my kids, where the count was unanimous [not anonymous]. Well, in response to asking: “Do you want me to make a positive difference and fight for all our children’s future from outside the governor’s office?” It was four yeses [This word looks strange] and one “hell yeah!” And the “hell yeah” sealed it---and someday I’ll talk about the details of that [Boy, this is one secretive but steamy non sequitur].
And we can all learn from our selfless, selfless troops. These troops and their important missions now, there is where truly the worthy causes are in this world and that’s where our public resources should be our public priority with time and resources spent on that [Another run-on sentence], not on this superficial, wasteful political bloodsport [War is bloody, but it’s not a sport]. So may we all learn from them [If they survive].
Really, we’ve just got to put first things first [And not second things second]. And first things first as governor, I love my job and I love Alaska [And power…and time to write my book…and money...and the 2012 Presidency]. And it hurts [But not as much as it gives me pleasure] to make this choice but I’m doing what’s best for Alaska [And for me…and you…my family…America…and the world], and I have explained why [But don’t ask me why]. Though I think of the saying on my parents’ refrigerator [At least I think it’s a refrigerator], a little magnet that says, “Don’t explain: your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe you anyway.”
But I’ve given my reasons. It’s no more politics as usual [Or lies as usual that are repeated] and I’m taking my fight for what’s right for Alaska in a new direction […to Washington, D.C].
Now, despite this, I sure don’t want anyone, any Alaskan dissuaded from entering politics after seeing this real climate change that began in August [You see, I do believe the climate has changed, but I still say, “Drill, baby, drill”]. No, we need hardworking, average Americans fighting for what’s right. And I will support you because we need you and you can effect change, and I can [affect change] too on the outside.
We need those who will respect our Constitution where government’s supposed to serve from the bottom up [Not the head down], and not move toward this top down [What the heck does this mean?] big government takeover but rather will be protectors of individual rights---[Just not for those on the left] who also have enough common sense to acknowledge when conditions have drastically changed and are willing to call an audible and pass the ball [Don’t they do this in football? Wasn’t I using basketball as my analogy? Oh well…] when it’s time so the team can win. And that’s what I’m doing [playing basketball and soccer].
Remember Alaska, America is now, more than ever, looking north to the future [But I’m looking East]. And it’ll be good [What do I mean by good?]. So God bless you, and from me and from my family to all Alaska, you have my heart [But not my brain].
And we’re going to be in really great hands, the capable [Not culpable] hands of our lieutenant governor, Sean Parnell. And Lt. Gen. Craig Campbell then will assume the role of lieutenant governor. And it is my promise to you that I will always be standing by, ready to assist [Just call me when you want some wolves and moose thinned out].
Take the words of General MacArthur. He said: “We are not retreating. We are advancing in another direction.” [East…not West...to Washington, D.C.]