PROOF OF CITIZENSHIP

THE CHARACTERS

BO:
Barack Obama

SS:
Secret Service

MO:
Michelle Obama

AGENTS:
FBI and the US Citizenship and Immigration Services

***


BO:
Hello? Yes, this is the President.

SS:
Sir, we have some visitors.

BO:
At Four in the morning?

SS:
Yes sir. It's USCIS and FBI.

BO:
What on earth do they want?

SS:
Proof of citizenship, sir.

BO:
Whose citizenship?

SS: Yours, sir.

BO: You've got to be kidding?

SS: No sir.

BO: Can't this wait until later?

SS: No sir. They have a Federal Warrant.

BO: Alright, just let me put on my bullet-proof vest, and I'll be right down.

MO:
What's the problem, honey?

BO:
Nothing serious. I'll be right back.

BO:
Good morning, fellows.

AGENT:
Sorry, sir, BUT we need to see some identification.

BO:
I'm the President of the United States. I don't need to do anything of the sort.

AGENT:
Actually sir, that's exactly why we need to see some identification. We need definitive proof of your citizenship.

BO:
You can't be serious?

AGENTS:
Yes, we can be sir. Now, if you'll just come outside we'd like to ask you a few questions.

BO:
I want to know your names and badge numbers.

AGENTS:
We'll do that sir, but first you must come outside.

BO:
This is stupid and silly. As President, I am ordering you off of the White House premises now.

AGENTS:
Sir, if you don't do as we ask, we'll have to handcuff you and bring you in.

BO:
I'm not budging. Michelle! Call Joe Biden and tell him to get down here lickety-split.