Thank you all. Thank you for the warm welcome. Thanks for coming. It's my honor to be here. I'm proud to address the Washington International Renewable Energy Conference. (Applause.) Thankfully, you only left it for five words. (Laughter.) I appreciate your commitment to renewable energy. I probably didn't help today when I rode over in a 20-car motorcade.
[OR WHEN I RODE ROUGH-SHOD OVER THE CONSTITUTION TO BURN THREE-TRILLION DOLLARS IN IRAQ]
I hope you understand that you're pioneers on the frontiers of change.
[I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND THAT I WAS A PIONEER ON THE FRONTIERS OF DICTATORSHIP]
Mike Eckhart is the President of the American Council on Renewable Energy -- he and I went to Harvard together...I can assure you that when we were at Harvard Business School together he never envisioned that we would be in our respective positions, like we are today. As a matter of fact, I know in 1975 he never even thought about the word "renewable fuel," [OR RENEWABLE FOOL] much less "President George W. Bush."
...Listen, let me start first by telling you that America has got to change its habits.
[BUT DON'T LOOK AT ME FOR AN EXAMPLE, BECAUSE I'LL NEVER CHANGE MY HABITS]
We've got to get off oil.
[BUT WE WON'T GET OFF OF THE OIL IN IRAQ]
We want there to be general prosperity.
[MAYBE WHEN THERE'S A NEW PRESIDENT]
The dependency upon oil also puts us at the mercy of terrorists.
[NOT AT THE MERCY OF THOSE FILTHY RICH OIL SHEIKH BUDDIES THAT I HOLD HANDS WITH]
If there's tight supply and demand, all it requires is one terrorist disruption of oil and that price goes even higher.
[OR A DISRUPTION SUCH AS MY INVASION OF IRAQ, AND THE PRICE OF OIL GOES OVER $100 A BARREL]
It's in our interests to end our dependency on oil because it -- that dependency presents a challenge to our national security. In 1985, 20 percent of America's oil came from abroad. Today that number is nearly 60 percent.
[YOU MIGHT ASK WHY I'VE WAITED ALMOST EIGHT YEARS TO TELL YOU THIS. ASK DICK CHENEY…EXXON, HALLIBURTON AND OTHERS]
Now, all the countries we import from are friendly, stable countries
[LIKE VENEZUELA AND IRAQ?]; but some countries we get oil from don't particularly like us. They don't like the form of government that we embrace.
[JUST LIKE MANY AMERICANS DON'T LIKE THE FORM OF GOVERNMENT THAT I'VE EMBRACED]
And finally, our dependence on fossil fuels like oil presents a challenge to our environment. When we burn fossil fuels we release greenhouse gases. The concentration of greenhouse gases has increased substantially.
[AS HAVE THE DEFICITS]
I've come today to tell you that America is the kind of country that when they see a problem, we address it head-on
[JUST LIKE IN THAT HEAD-ON T.V. COMMERCIAL].
I've set a great goal for our country, and that is to reduce our dependence on oil by investing in technologies that will produce abundant supplies of clean and renewable energy, and at the same time show the world that we're good stewards of the environment.
[BUT TALKING ABOUT GOALS AND SETTING GOALS IS EASY...ESPECIALLY FOR ME SINCE I'M "OUT OF HERE" IN A FEW HUNDRED MORE DAYS]
Now, look, I understand stereotypes are hard to defeat.
[LIKE THOSE STEREOTYPES OF WMDS AND AL-QAEDA BEING IN IRAQ]
People get an image planted in their head, and sometimes it causes them not to listen to the facts
[I'VE HAD THIS PROBLEM DURING MY ENTIRE PRESIDENCY].
But America is in the lead when it comes to energy independence
[HEY SPEECH WRITERS...DIDN'T YOU JUST TELL ME TO SAY THAT AMERICA WAS TOO DEPENDENT ON OIL?]
We're in the lead when it comes to new technologies.
[DIDN’T WE TAKE THE LEAD OUT OF GASOLINE?]
We're in the lead when it comes to global climate change -- and we'll stay that way.
[WHAT THE HELL...ARE MY SPEECH WRITERS TAKING DRUGS OR WHAT? AREN'T WE SUPPOSED TO BE TRYING TO DECREASE GLOBAL CLIMATE CHANGE?]
Overall, over the past seven years -- or since I've been the President
[SEE, I CAN COUNT TO SEVEN],
the federal government spent more than $12 billion to research, develop and promote alternative energy sources.
[BIG DEAL! THAT'S HOW MUCH I SPEND EACH MONTH IN IRAQ]
Our strategy is twofold: One, we're going to change the way we drive our cars
[WE’LL DRIVE OUR CARS WHILE NOT USING OUR CELL PHONES---WE’LL DRIVE OUR CARS WITHOUT SO MUCH ROAD RAGE]; and two, we'll change the way we power our businesses and homes. In other words, the two most vulnerable areas to economic disruption happens to be automobile use and electric power.
[BUT DON'T STOP DRIVING YOUR AUTOMOBILES TO SHOP AT WALMART OR TURN OFF YOUR T.V. SETS JUST YET]
This administration is a strong supporter of hydrogen
[AND PLAIN OLD HOT AIR].
We spent about $1.2 billion in research and development to bring vehicles running on hydrogen to the market. A lot of people don't even know what I'm talking about when I'm talking about hydrogen .
[BUT IF YOU ADD 2 AND 0 YOU'LL GET WATER]
I was interested to see that Virgin Atlantic flew a 747 from London's Heathrow Airport to Amsterdam, fueled partly by coconuts and Brazilian babassu nuts. I've never seen a babassu nut, but it's amazing that it helped power an airplane the size of a 747.
[AND I BET THAT VIRGIN WAS PRETTY AMAZING TOO]
You know, there's a lot of politicians who just talk. I hope when history is written of this administration, we not only talked, we actually did positive things and constructive things
[LIKE DOUBLING THE NATIONAL DEBT...INVADING A COUNTRY WHO DID NOT HARM US…MAKING BIG BROTHER A REALITY.]
Leave with one thing in mind: The United States is committed [AND I PROBABLY SHOULD BE],
and we're firm in our commitments, to deal with energy problems and to deal with global climate change.
[SO DEAL WITH IT!]
And it's been my honor to be with you today.
May God bless you. (Applause.)
IT'S THE OIL STUPID!