Sunday July 26, at 3pm Alaska time, Governor Sarah Palin stepped down from her position as governor. This is an edited version of her Farewell Address, with words by Mad Plato between brackets.
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What an absolutely beautiful day it is [and so am I], and it is my honor to speak [and ramble] to all Alaskans, to our Alaskan family this last time as your governor. And it is always great to be in Fairbanks [or any kind of bank]. The rugged rugged hardy people that live up here and some of the most patriotic people whom you will ever know live here, and one thing that you are known for is your steadfast support of our military community up here and I thank you for that and thank you United States military for protecting the greatest nation on Earth. Together we stand. [Do I have the flag wrapped around me tightly enough?]
And getting up here I say it is the best road trip in America soaring through nature's finest show. [This sounds poetic, but soaring on the road sounds wrong] Denali, the great one, soaring under the midnight sun. And then the extremes [like my rhetoric]. In the winter time it's the frozen road that is competing with the view of ice fogged frigid beauty [and good alliteration], the cold though, doesn't it split the Cheechakos from the Sourdough [and the wheat from the chaff, and the Cheetos from the Cheerios?]?
[Here’s my best Thomas Wolfe imitation]:
And then in the summertime such extreme summertime [humming "Hot Town Summer in the City"] about a hundred and fifty degrees hotter than just some months ago, than just some months from now [Drill, baby, drill!], with fireweed blooming along the frost heaves and merciless rivers that are rushing and carving and reminding us that here, Mother Nature wins [and moose and wolves lose]. It is as throughout all Alaska that big wild good life teeming along the road that is north to the future. [In my case, the White House] That is what we get to see every day [and Russia]. Now what the rest of America gets to see along with us is in this last frontier there is hope and opportunity and there is country pride [and my pride to leave you].
And it is our men and women in uniform securing it, and we are facing tough challenges in America with some seeming to just be Hell bent maybe on tearing down our nation, perpetuating some pessimism, and suggesting American apologetics, suggesting perhaps that our best days were yesterdays. [So stop it Republicans!] But as other people have asked, "How can that pessimism be, when proof of our greatness, our pride today is that we produce the great proud volunteers who sacrifice everything for country?" Now this week alone, Sean Parnell and I we're on the, um, [On the um? What the heck does that mean?] on Ft. Rich the base there, the army chapel, and we heard the last roll call [I like cinnamon rolls myself], and the sounding of Taps for three very brave, very young Alaskan soldiers who just gave their all for all of us. Together we do stand with gratitude for our troops who protect all of our cherished freedoms, including our freedom of speech which, par for the course, I'm going to exercise [because I don’t play much golf].
And first, some straight talk for some, just some in the media because another right protected for all of us is freedom of the press, and you all have such important jobs reporting facts and informing the electorate, and exerting power to influence [and I resent this]. You represent what could and should be a respected honest profession that could and should be the cornerstone of our democracy. Democracy depends on you, and that is why, that's why our troops are willing to die for you. So, how 'bout in honor of the American soldier, ya quit makin' things up [as I have done...just look at the bottom].
OK, today is a beautiful day and today as we swear in Sean Parnell, no one will be happier than I [the quitter] to witness by God's grace Alaskans with strength of character advancing our beloved state. Sean has that. Craig Campbell has that [and I had that, but I must begin my campaign for 2012]. I remember on that December day, we took the oath to uphold our state constitution, and it was written right here in Fairbanks by very wise pioneers. We shared the vision for government that they ground in that document [and not the document into the ground]. Our founders wrote "all political power is inherent in the people. All government originates with the people. It's founded upon their will only and it's instituted for the good of the people as a whole." [Unless that government invades a country based upon lies.]
I promised that we would protect this beautiful environment [except for those darn wolves and moose] while safely and ethically developing resources, and we did.
I promised that we would manage our fish and wildlife for abundance, and that we would defend the Constitution [Are there fish and wildlife in the Constitution?], and we have, though outside special interest groups they still just don't get it on this one. Let me tell you, Alaskans really need to stick together on this [like molasses on a hockey stick] with new leadership in this area especially, encouraging new leadership... got to stiffen your spine to do what's right for Alaska when the pressure mounts, because you're going to see anti-hunting, anti-second amendment circuses from Hollywood [I didn’t realize Hollywood had circuses] and here's how they do it. They use these delicate, tiny, very talented celebrity starlets [I’m not a bit jealous], they use Alaska as a fundraising tool for their anti-second amendment causes. Stand strong, and remind them patriots will protect our guaranteed, individual right to bear arms [not to arm bears], and by the way, Hollywood needs to know, we eat, therefore we hunt [and we live to hunt].
I promised energy solutions and we have, we have a plan calling for 50% of our electricity generated by renewable resources [but continue to drill, baby, drill!] and we can now insist that those who hold the leases to develop our resources that they do so now on Alaska's terms.
What I promised, we accomplished. "We" meaning state staff, amazing commissioners, great staff assisting them, and conscientious Alaskans outside the bureaucracy - Tom Van Flein, and Meg Stapleton and Kristan Cole, so many others, many volunteers who just stepped up to the challenge as good Alaskans, but nothing, nothing could have succeeded without my right-hand man Kris Perry. She [a man] is the sharpest, boldest, hardest-working partner. Kris is my right-hand man [and woman] and much success is due to Kris.
So much success, and Alaska there is much good in store further down the road, but to reach it we must value and live the optimistic pioneering spirit that made this state proud and free, and we can resist enslavement to big central government that crushes hope and opportunity. Be wary of accepting government largess [unless it pays your way to high political office].
I resisted the stimulus package. I resisted the stimulus package [and I repeat myself] and we have championed earmark reform, slashing earmark [Slashing…now that’s cute...deja vu Van Gogh] requests...
Alaskans will remember that years ago, remember we sported the old bumper sticker that said, "Alaska. We Don't Give a Darn How They Do It Outside?" Do you remember that? I remember that, and remember it was because we would be different. We'd roll up our sleeves, and we would diligently sow and reap, [and shoot and skin] and we can still do this to carve wealth out of the wilderness and make our living on the water [and in the soil and under the ice], with strong hands and innovative minds, now with smarter technology. It is what our first people and our parents did. It worked, because they worked. We must be prudent and persistent and press for the people's right [and more alliteration] to responsibly develop God-given resources for the maximum benefit of the people.
Yes, America must look north [and East...where I'm going] to the future for security, for energy independence, for our strategic location on the globe.
So, we are here today at a changing of the guard [and hunter]. Now, people who know me, and they know how much I love this state, some still are choosing not to hear why I made the decision to chart a new course to advance the state [and the state of myself].
So, as we all move forward together, let's vow to keep championing Alaska, to advocate responsible development, and smaller government, and freedom, and when I took the oath to serve you, I promised [I didn't promise that I would stay]...remember I promised to steadfastly and doggedly guard the interests of this great state like that grizzly guards her cubs [because I only go after wolf pups and moose calves], as a mother naturally guards her own. And I will keep that vow wherever the road may lead [to the White House or the outhouse]. Todd and I, and Track, Bristol, Tripp, Willow, Piper, Trig...I think I got 'em all [unless there’s one in the oven].
So let's all enjoy the ride [I know I’m going to once I leave here], and I thank you Alaska, and God bless Alaska and God bless America.
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The Odd Lies Of Sarah Palin: A Round-Up By Andrew Sullivan
http://andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com/the_daily_dish/2009/07/the-odd-lies-of-sarah-palin
Palin lied when she said the dismissal of her public safety commissioner, Walt Monegan, had nothing to do with his refusal to fire state trooper Mike Wooten; in fact, the Branchflower Report concluded that she repeatedly abused her power when dealing with both men.
Palin lied when she repeatedly claimed to have said, "Thanks, but no thanks" to the Bridge to Nowhere; in fact, she openly campaigned for the federal project when running for governor.
Palin lied when she denied that Wasilla's police chief and librarian had been fired; in fact, both were given letters of termination the previous day.
Palin lied when she wrote in the NYT that a comprehensive review by Alaska wildlife officials showed that polar bears were not endangered; in fact, email correspondence between those scientists showed the opposite.
Palin lied when she claimed in her convention speech that an oil gas pipeline "began" under her guidance; in fact, the pipeline was years from breaking ground, if at all.
Palin lied when she told Charlie Gibson that she does not pass judgment on gay people; in fact, she opposes all rights between gay spouses and belongs to a church that promotes conversion therapy.
Palin lied when she denied having said that humans do not contribute to climate change; in fact, she had previously proclaimed that human activity was not to blame.
Palin lied when she claimed that Alaska produces 20 percent of the country's domestic energy supply; in fact, the actual figures, based on any interpretation of her words, are much, much lower.
Palin lied when she told voters she improvised her convention speech when her teleprompter stopped working properly; in fact, all reports showed that the machine had functioned perfectly and that her speech had closely followed the script.
Palin lied when she recalled asking her daughters to vote on whether she should accept the VP offer; in fact, her story contradicts details given by her husband, the McCain campaign, and even Palin herself. (She later added another version.)
Palin lied when she claimed to have taken a voluntary pay cut as mayor; in fact, as councilmember she had voted against a raise for the mayor, but subsequent raises had taken effect by the time she was mayor.
Palin lied when she insisted that Wooten's divorce proceedings had caused his confidential records to become public; in fact, court officials confirmed they released no such records.
Palin lied when she suggested to Katie Couric that she was involved in trade missions with Russia; in fact, she has never even met with Russian officials.
Palin lied when she told Shimon Peres that the only flag in her office was the Israeli flag; in fact, she has several flags.
Palin lied when she claimed to have tried to divest government funds from Sudan; in fact, her administration openly opposed a bill that would have done just that.
Palin lied when she repeatedly claimed that troop levels in Iraq were back to pre-surge levels; in fact, even she acknowledged her "misstatements," though she refused to retract or apologize.
Palin lied when she insisted that the Branchflower Report "showed there was no unlawful or unethical activity on my part"; in fact, that report prominently stated, "Palin abused her power by violating Alaska Statute 39.52.110(a) of the Alaska Executive Branch Ethics Act."
Palin lied when she claimed to have voiced concerns over Wooten fearing he would harm her family; in fact, she actually decreased her security detail during that period.
Palin lied when asked about the $150,000 worth of clothes provided by the RNC; in fact, solid reporting contradicted several parts of her statement.
Palin lied when she suggested that she had offered the media proof of her pregnancy with Trig to "correct the record"; in fact, no reports of her medical records were ever published; and the letter from her doctor testifying to her good health only emerged hours before polling ended on election day, even though there was nothing in it that couldn't have been released two months earlier.
Palin lied when she said that "reported" allegations of her banning Harry Potter as mayor was easily refutable because it had not even been written yet; in fact, the first book in that series was published in 1998 - two years into her first term - and such rumors were never reported by the media, only circulated as emails.
Palin lied when she denied having participated in a clothes audit with campaign laywers; in fact, the Washington Times later confirmed those details.
Palin lied when asked about Couric's question regarding her reading habits; in fact, Couric's words were not, "What do you read up there in Alaska?" or anything close to condescension.
Palin lied when she mischaracterized the "$1200 check" given to Alaskans as the permanent fund dividend check; in fact, that fund had yielded $2,069 per person, and she claimed otherwise to obscure the fact that Alaskans also received a $1200 rebate check from a windfall profits tax on oil companies - a tax widely criticized by Republicans.
Palin lied when she claimed to be unaware of a turkey being slaughtered behind her during a filmed interview; in fact, the cameraman said she had picked the spot herself, while the slaughter was underway.
Palin lied when she denied having rejected federal stimulus money; in fact, she continued to accept and reject the funds several times.
Palin lied when she claimed that legislative leaders had canceled a meeting with her to hold their own press conference; in fact, they only canceled it after being told she would not participate, and the purpose of the press conference was very different from the meeting's.
Palin lied when she announced on the news that she never holds closed-door meetings; in fact, she had just attended a closed-door meeting with the legislature earlier that day.
Palin lied when she said that former aide John Bitney's "amicable" departure was for "personal" reasons; in fact, Bitney said he was fired because of his relationship with the wife of Palin's friend, plus a Palin spokesperson later claimed "poor job performance" for his firing - without elaborating.
Palin lied when she said she kept her running injury a secret on the campaign trail; in fact, her bandaged hand was clearly visible in photographs and the story was widely talked about.
Palin lied when she claimed that Alaska has spent "millions of dollars" on litigation related to her ethics complaints; in fact, that figure is much, much lower, and she had initiated the most expensive inquiry.
Palin lied when she denied that the Alaska Independence Party supports secession and denied that her husband had been a member; in fact, even the McCain campaign noted that the party's very existence is based on secession and that Todd was a member for seven years.
