Tuesday, March 25, 2014

TOP TEN QUESTIONS


Is the Ukraine

Vladmir Putin's

Hot potato?

(Yes, but it's no spudnik.)




Is Barack Obama on the hot seat?

(As always)




Are Republicans beating their war drums again?

(As always)




Are Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez back together?

(Maybe, but Selena has been on Bieber's chest not his back.)




Did the plane crash, land, or disappear into a black hole?

(Or None of the above?)




Should students print or write cursive?

(They should print but not curse.)




Is Kim Kardashian overexposed?

(No ifs, ands, or...well...butts, yes.)




Will Hillary Clinton run for president in 2016?

(Do we need oxygen to breathe?)




Will the world end in fire or ice?

(Who the hell knows?)




Are extraterrestrials here or coming here?

(Who the hell knows?)




P.S.

Last month NASA announced it had found 715 new planets outside the solar system, nearly doubling the previous total known planets in the galaxy.













IT'S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES!






















Friday, March 14, 2014

EAT YOUR PIE


“It's both irrational and transcendental.”



After I read this statement, I thought, “Why, that's a wonderful thought!”



Then I thought, “But what does it mean? And is it that wonderful?”



It's a description of Pi, the ratio of a circle's circumference to its diameter.



But I was interested in the irony of the two words conjoined.

What if I were irrational and transcendental?  That is, what if I were irrational, but also transcendental?



What would this mean?

What would I be?

What would I do?

Would I eat more pie?



Anyway, today is Pi day, and also the birthday of Albert Einstein.





IT'S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES AND Pi!









http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/the-switch/wp/2014/03/14/happy-pi-day-its-also-albert-einstein-birthday/?




Monday, March 03, 2014

BRINGING BACK THE DEAD


A CONVERSATION BETWEEN TWO RECENLY CLONED WOOLLY MAMMOTHS










Manny:

Hi. What's your name?






Martha:

Martha.




Manny:

I'm Manny.




Martha:

How long have you been back from the dead?




Manny:

A few hours. You?




Martha:

A week.




Manny:

What is this place called?




Martha:

It's called the paleogenomics lab, but we're in a state called California.




Manny:

Well, this state is very noisy and smelly.




Martha:

Gone are the sweet days of tundra steppe covered with grasses, sedges, and shrubs.




Manny:

Which reminds me...what kind of food are we going to eat?




Martha:

This morning I saw our creators putting green pellets into our feeding trough.




Manny:

Gross!




Martha:

I know, but we've got to eat something.




Manny:

Look, they're opening the gate to our feeding area now.




Martha:

Good...dinner! Just let me get my purse.












IT'S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES AND BRINGING BACK THE DEAD!











































Thursday, February 27, 2014

NOT EVERYTHING IS WHAT IT SEEMS BUT IT MIGHT BE


 




Those chicken wings are not really wings.

They are just chicken “nuggets” that look like wings.
A machine probably squeezes the “chicken batter” into molds to look like wings.
Yummy.
No bones!

*

In India I saw some peculiar things.
I realize now that I wasn't in my right mind.
Still, I remember what I saw, and it's been long enough now that I won't be put into a bug-house. 
 At least, I hope not.

It was 1978.
 
I was lost.
(I wrote a couple of poems about this experience. *see below*)
I didn't include the more peculiar things that I saw, so I will now.
While walking one night (and, boy, did I do a lot of walking in India!) I saw a small camel sleeping (or dead?) on a sidewalk.

I swear that this camel raised its head up and moved it back and forth as if it was telling me “No”.
About what I'll never know.
But I remember what I thought:

“He's telling me not to walk here.”
It was a creepy and smelly part of Old Delhi.

But I kept walking, and nothing bad happened.

*

I was still walking (as I point out in my poems.)
At one point I saw a house that I just knew had an American living there.
 
It had a fence.
I started walking toward the house.
Then a man appeared.
But not quite a man.

He looked like one of the simians in the movie Planet of the Apes.
First he was an ape, and then he was just a normal-looking human.
 
I blinked a few times, then approached the man.
I don't remember what he said, but he went into the house, then came back out and invited me to come inside.
 
An American greeted me.
I don't know what I said to him, but I remember he asked me if I wanted something to drink, and I said, “Yes, a screwdriver.”
The man-servant who had greeted me outside promptly brought me my drink on a shiny, oval platter that I thought was made of gold, but it was more likely just brass.

The American disappeared into a nearby room.
I heard the voice of President Carter, but it was just Carter speaking at a news conference or something.
I'm sure he wasn't speaking with this American.

The American came back, and said that he would have his servant take me somewhere safe.

 
*poems*


Lost In India Part I 
     
I was thinking about India and
The white Brahman bull.
I was just standing around.
Wearing a colorful quilt.
When I turned around.
The Brahma bull was touching my nose.
Life's movements
Quickly move like that Brahma bull.
Attracted to colorful motion.
Suddenly it is here.
Life.
Death.
Romance.
Then I got onto the cart.
Being pulled by a different bull.
The dark Indian man lightly touched me.
Felt my ribs.
Wondering in silence.
Who was I?
Why so thin?



LOST IN INDIA




I walked & walked until my shoes fell off
When I saw green I jumped off the old train
When I hit the ground & rolled over I was
Surprised I was alive, I had bruises,
I walked into a medical clinic, they said I
Was ok & so I left, I had on my dark
Sunglasses, mysterious-looking dark stranger
Wandering, the sky got gray, the night got
Cold, it started to rain, I climbed onto a
Haystack to cover myself with straw, it was
a lousy idea, so I climbed into a small
Grain bin with a little roof & covered
Myself with corn meal, so warm & cozy, I had
on my dark sunglasses, I slept, I woke up,
It was a sunny morning, my dark sunglasses
Were gone, men were staring down at me & as I
climbed out of that warm corn meal heaven
Someone handed me my sunglasses, I was so
Relieved, I could see again, I started
Walking, walking, walking & my feet bled.







IT'S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES!




Sunday, February 16, 2014

IN THE NEWS






That doughnut on Mars wasn't an alien after all.

It was just a rock.

Long live Rock and Roll!



Valentine's Day is over.

Dentists love this day, and candy companies love it even more.

Both love Easter, but especially Halloween.

Go sugar!



This summer may be one of the hottest ever recorded.

Go sun!



The United States gets 50% of its fruits, vegetables, and nuts from California.

Fruits and nuts come mostly from San Francisco.

Go fruits and nuts!



Miley Cyrus is as raunchy as can be.

Go Miley!



Justin Bieber's bad behavior is on hiatus.

Go Bieber!



Jay is out and Jimmy is in.

(I love to end sentences with prepositions.)

Go Fallon!



Movies, movies, movies.

So many to watch.

Go cinema!







IT'S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES!










Saturday, February 08, 2014

MOONBEAMS MICE AND YOGA MATS

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2554742/Chemical-used-shoe-rubber-ditched-Subway-week-McDonalds-Burger-King-Wendy-s-popular-store-bought-products.html




Now I realize why I have been craving yoga mats and shoes.


I've been eating products that contain azodicarbonamide.


*

I practiced Yoga when I was in my early twenties.


I didn't use any yoga mats, and I ate homemade, whole wheat bread that didn't contain azodicarbonamide.


Times have changed.


I have changed.


*
The earth today is boiling and melting simultaneously.


And let's not forget about those out-of-sight asteroids that may be approaching.

*

I'm trying to reduce my fats and carbohydrates.

I don't know how much fat or carbohydrates were in azodicarbonamide, but thank goodness I now won't have to worry since it will be removed.


Now I have to figure out what to do with all of my shoes and yoga mats.





IT'S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES AND AZODICARBONAMIDE!










Friday, January 31, 2014

SUPERBOWL FORTY-EIGHT











The big day is here:

The Super Bowl.

Today’s gladiators will fight (not to the death), but to the tunes of colliding tendons and bones, and the abundant rattling of mantled craniums.

Why do so many of us love to watch football?

We certainly don’t watch because we want to see these gladiators get injured.

Getting hurt just comes with the territory.

Maybe women tune in to watch the padded and unpadded areas of the players:

“Ooh, nice butt.  Wow, look at those legs!”

Commentators should talk less.

I miss John Madden.

He didn’t go on and on about statistics, but stayed focused on the live action, and gave humorous and concise one-liners.

I like the finesse of the running and passing.

The one hand catches by receivers!

The flying vaults to get touchdowns and first downs!

Perhaps forgotten and not given enough credit are the actions of the linemen.

The sounds of the tumult which emanate from their grunts, groans, and growls should be amplified to force spectators to appreciate their arduous labors.

If getting there is half the fun, then arriving is the pinnacle of the spectacle.

Touchdown!

And then the roars---not of lions---but of spectators who are watching the lion hearts!

Everyone enjoy!

 

IT’S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES!

  



Friday, January 24, 2014

JUST A SECOND


The time is always, and the place is everywhere.
Dean Koontz






Space and time, time and space.

We all live in space.

We all pass our time in space.



The earth is in outer space.

Where is time?



Sometimes we are not aware of space as much as we are of the time that we spend or occupy in that space.



We have heard or said, “Don't space out” or “You're spacing out!”.

The presence of drugs is not a prerequisite for this imperative.



But we don't usually hear or say, “Don't time out.”

Well, I suppose in sports it might be said.



We might occasionally hear or say, “Give me some time” and “Give me some space.”



We might have had a timeless experience, but never a space-less one.



We might say that we had the time of our lives, but we wouldn't say that we had the space of our lives.

Unless it was a parking space.



We say time is money, but we don't say space is money.



We sometimes run out of time, but do we ever run out of space ?

Maybe we do when we're putting clothes in the closet, food in the fridge, or people in a car.




What is a space-time continuum?

I'll look it up.

Wikipedia says:









Spacetime

GPB circling earth.jpg








In physics, spacetime (also space–time, space time or space–time continuum) is any mathematical model that combines space and time into a single interwoven continuum. The spacetime of our universe is usually interpreted from a Euclidean space perspective, which regards space as consisting of three dimensions, and time as consisting of one dimension (often termed Minkowski space or the fourth dimension). By combining space and time into a single manifold, physicists have significantly simplified a large number of physical theories, as well as described in a more uniform way the workings of the universe at both the supergalactic and subatomic levels.




Time is very important when we have to be somewhere, when we have to be on time.

When we aren't working, we pass away the time--- we let time slip by---and we don't pay as much attention to the time as when we are working.

We don't pay too much attention to space when we are working.

We ask “What time is it?”, not “Where am I? or “What space am I in?”




In our free time we do pay more attention to space; that is, where we are, and where we want to go.




All of these ruminations have little to do with the reason why I wrote this.


It's because of this article that I saw today:





IT'S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES!