A VERY VERY SHORT STATE OF THE UNION

THE PRESIDENT: Mr. Speaker, Vice President Cheney, members of Congress, distinguished citizens and fellow citizens: By law and by custom, we are meeting here again to consider the state of the union. We come together here in this chamber with a lot of potatoes on our plate (and most of them are hot ones) (Applause).

We are at war. We will be at war forever. The world and the American people depend on me as your president and Commander-in-Chief to win the War on Terror. Right now we are facing the threat of a nuclear Iran whose current President denies the Holocaust, and wants Israel to be destroyed. Here we go again. (Applause)

Some of my critics are bugged because I’m spying on the conversations of enemies who are calling persons here in the United States. But I do this to protect the freedom and civil liberties of all Americans. The War on Terror requires new tools and new ways to deal with the evildoers who are poised to attack America again. I will do everything I can to execute the Constitution, and if I have to bug citizens I will do so with their safety in mind. It is perfectly legal. I am not a crooked president. (Applause)

So far the terrorists have not been able to penetrate safeguards that I have put in place. And no safeguard is more vital than the Patriot Act. It has guaranteed that America stays protected from the terrorists. More than ever this Bill of Rights bashing law needs to become permanent. We need it, it needs us, and the terrorists don’t want it. (Applause)

Many Americans still do not have comprehensive health care, and so I am asking all of you to take your vitamins, exercise, and don’t eat so much fat. If you get sick it’s your fault, not mine. (Applause)

The American economy is in great shape. Sure, you have to pay a little more for gas, but this is a small price to pay to live in a free and democratic society. Profits are good. Prophets are good. God is good. War is Peace. Love is Hatred. A horse is a horse. My kingdom for a horse!

Thank you and good night.

# posted by News from Mad Plato @ 8:30 AM
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