JOSE JESUS AND MARIA

This is a story about three illegal Mexican squirrels…Jose, Jesus and Maria.
A hidden microphone was there to record their words during their voyage to America.
Jose: Jesus and Maria, it is sure getting stuffy inside these coat pockets.
Maria: Si.
Jesus: Si.
Jose: I wonder where we are going?
Maria: Maybe Disneyland?
Jesus: Maybe the Holy Land…Or the place that’s called the Big Apple.
Jose: Don't mention food. I'm starving!
Maria: Yes, me too.
Jesus: If I had a fish and some bread I’d make enough for all of us.
Jose: Oh, come on Jesus, don't play that game again.
Maria: Right. You aren't the messiah you think you are. You’re just another rodent.
Jesus: O.K. I know I've got some hang ups, but getting hanged isn't one of them.
Jose: Oh, now he's the comedian.
Maria: Hey, be quiet. I hear something.
Jose: Yeah, I do too.
Jesus: I think we're at the border crossing. Quick! Deeper into the pockets!
Immigration Official: Hello, sir. Your nationality?
Man: Mexican.
Immigration Official: Anything to declare?
Man: Yes. I have three striped squirrels.
Immigration Official: What is the purpose of their visit?
Man: Jose and Maria are going to Disneyland.
Jesus wants to visit the Holy Land and your Big Apple.
Immigration Official: My Big Apple? Oh, you mean New York.
Man: Si.
Immigration Official: O.K. Welcome to the United States.
Jose, Jesus and Maria: Gee, that was a breeze. Why?
Man: You forgot. I’m God.

KING KONG AND COMPLETE VICTORY

Newspaper Marks 1000 Days of Iraq War with Key Stats

By E&P Staff
Published: December 13, 2005 10:30 AM ET

To mark what it called the "1000 Days" of the Iraq war, the London daily The Independent offered extensive coverage today, featuring a by-the-numbers approach.

Here are some of their calculations:
$204.4 billion: The cost to the U.S of the war so far.
2,339: Allied troops killed
15,955: US troops wounded in action
98: U.K troops killed
30,000 : Estimated Iraqi civilian deaths
0: Number of WMDs found
66: Journalists killed in Iraq.
63: Journalists killed during Vietnam war
8: per cent of Iraqi children suffering acute malnutrition
53,470: Iraqi insurgents killed
67: per cent Iraqis who feel less secure because of occupation
$343: Average monthly salary for an Iraqi soldier. Average monthly salary for an American soldier in Iraq: $4,160.75
5: foreign civilians kidnapped per month
47: per cent Iraqis who never have enough electricity
20: casualties per month from unexploded mines
25-40: per cent Estimated unemployment rate, Nov 2005
251: Foreigners kidnapped
70: per cent of Iraqi's whose sewage system rarely works
183,000: British and American troops are still in action in Iraq.
13,000: from other nations
90: Daily attacks by insurgents in Nov '05. In Jun '03: 8
60-80: per cent Iraqis who are "strongly opposed" to presence of coalition troops

"In an accompanying piece from Baghdad, the newspaper's Patrick Cockburn adds one more stat: A BBC poll yesterday showed that half of the Iraqis questioned say that Iraq needs a strong leader--while only 28 per cent cited democracy as a priority."
"Iraqis are cynical about their political leaders," Cockburn writes. "The election results are likely to show that the great majority of Iraqis will vote along ethnic or religious lines as Shia, Sunni or Kurds. The country is turning from a unitary state into a confederation."
"There is no sign yet of the thousand-day war ending. Every month up to a thousand fresh corpses arrive at the mortuary in Baghdad. A new Iraq is emerging but it is already drenched in blood."
E&P Staff (letters@editorandpublisher.com)

I AM NOT IN A BUBBLE

“I am not in a bubble.
There is progress in Iraq.
I am not in a bubble.
Freedom is coming to Iraq.
I am not in a bubble.
We are winning in Iraq.
I am not in a bubble.
I am informed.
Victory is on its way.
I believe in Santa Claus.
I am informed.
I am not in a bubble.
Whoa…Nelly! Why am I rising into the sky?”

NO CLEMENCY FROM THE TERMINATOR!

As your governor and as THE TERMINATOR, I shall not sign any paper that saves Stanley Tookie Williams.
I will not commute his sentence TO DIE.
He's going to bite the dust!
Hasta La Vista, baby.
I am an eye for eye guy and tooth for a tooth fellow.
No girlie man is in THE TERMINATOR.
Now I must go press some flesh.
Thank you.
I'll be back!

GEORGE W. BUSH'S POLL NUMBERS

(Smirking) "Yeah. Alright. Good.
My Economy is robust.
My poll's (numbers) rising.
I'm back in the saddle!
My hand's on the wheel!
The good economic news might take the public's attention off of ‘I-WRecK (Iraq)’.
Anyway, it's almost Chri...Oops! I can't say the "C" word.
I don't want to upset the "suckular" folks out there.
So I'll just say "Happy holidays and Sinner's...I mean...Season's greetings!"
Now I have to get ready to do some relaxin' at Crawford.
Got bowls of pretzels to eat and Bowl games to watch!
Bring ‘em on!
Let's Roll!"

I AM SADDAM HUSSEIN!

"I am Saddam Hussein!
Allah is Great!
I am Saddam Hussein!
Allah is Great!
I demand Justice!
Allah is Great!
Get me some Doritos and a Big Mac!
I am Saddam!
I am Hussein!
Allah is Great!
Get me some Doritos and a Whopper!
Allah is Great!
Get me some clean underwear!
Make them Boxer!
Then I will certainly Swear!
To tell the Truth!
The Whole Truth!
And nothing but the Truth!
So help me Allah!
I am Saddam Hussein!
Allah is Great!

9-11 COMMISSION REPORT CARD

"We believe that the terrorists will strike again. So does every responsible expert that we have talked to. And if they do, and these reforms that might have prevented such an attack have not been implemented, what will our excuse be?" said the Thomas Kean, chairman of the panel.
"He said the terrorists were learning and adapting, and that the US government "is still moving at a crawl."
"The privately funded successor group known as the 9/11 Public Discourse Project to the original commission, which was set up by the Congress in 2002 and was disbanded after issuing its recommendations in July 2004, was issuing its "report card" on how successfully the commission's recommendations have been implemented."
"The panel gave the government an "F" on homeland security spending for cities most at risk, on improving radio communication for emergency agencies and on airline passenger prescreening."
"He said it was scandalous that first responders did not have adequate communications equipment and that airline passengers were not fully screened against terrorist lists."
"We're frustrated, all of us -- frustrated at the lack of urgency in addressing these various problems," he said.


The House of Bush is failing the Homeland.
Bush has failed in Iraq (so far).
And now Bush has failed in the United States.
There was Katrina, and now there's this 9-11 COMMISSION report card that has given Bush a big, fat F on changes and improvements for securing and protecting the United States from THE TERRORISTS!
Huh? What the hell is going on here?
Where is protection for the Homeland?
Where is the protection of OUR Freedom, Democracy and Liberty?
And so much for the grandiose title of the Patriot Act:
Uniting and Strengthening America by Providing Appropriate Tools Required to Intercept and Obstruct Terrorism!
How serious is Bush about TERRORISM if he and his cabal are not securing THE HOMELAND!
What Hypocrisy!
What a big, fat fraud and farce!
This should not stand!
After lingering questions about whether the Bush cabal (wanted to) or could have prevented 9-11, one now has to wonder how serious the same cabal is about really securing and protecting this nation.
Does the cabal wish for another (bigger?) attack in America to justify its continuing beheading of the U.S. Constitution and its robbery of the U.S. Treasury by feeding the voracious belly of the Pentagon. You know...the Military-Industrial (psychopathic) Complex?
Glib cliches about spreading democracy and achieving total victory ring very hollow.
And the voting American public smells the stink of this dangerous and uncaring flimflammery.
Now, more than ever, Bush and his gang members need to be investigated:

1. On 9-11: How this administration ignored the hints and Intel warnings.

2. The Intel that this cabal forged, fabricated and foisted upon the United States Congress, the World and the American public in order to fund and receive approval for its PRE-EMPTIVE WAR on Iraq.

IF READERS WANT TO ADD ANYTHING TO AN INVESTIGATION, PLEASE LET ME KNOW.



"The US military, not al Qaeda, had the sustained access weeks before 9/11 to also plant controlled demolition charges throughout the superstructures of WTC 1 and WTC2, and in WTC7, which brought down all three buildings on 9/11. ... A US military plane, not one piloted by al Qaeda, performed the highly skilled, high−speed 270−degree dive towards the Pentagon that Air Traffic Controllers on 9/11 were sure was a military plane as they watched it on their screens. Only a military aircraft, not a civilian plane flown by al Qaeda, would have given off the "Friendly" signal needed to disable the Pentagon’s anti−aircraft missile batteries as it approached the building. Only the US military, not al Qaeda, had the ability to break all of its Standard Operating Procedures to paralyze its own emergency response system."
Barbara Honegger

[Senior Military Affairs Journalist at the Naval Postgraduate School, the Navy’s advanced science, technology and national security affairs university 1995 to the present. White House Policy Analyst and Special Assistant to the Assistant to President Ronald Reagan 1981-83].

NEW AIRPORT SECURITY

O.K. Your dissecting kit can go on board.
You may also bring your nail clippers and small scissors.
No, you may not bring those box cutters! That's what the 9-11 hijackers used.
The ax and flamethrower are O.K. But again, get rid of those boxcutters.
Please take off your shoes and remove your socks.
On the other hand, leave the socks on, and buy some foot powder ASAP.
Next.
O.K. the jackhammer can come on board.
No, no...leave the boxcutters.
Next...

NOTABLE QUOTES ON THE IRAQ WAR

“The terrorists regard Iraq as the central front in their war against humanity. . .If they’re not stopped, the terrorists will be able to advance their agenda to develop weapons of mass destruction, to destroy Israel, to intimidate Europe, and to break our will and blackmail our government into isolation. I’m going to make you this commitment: this is not going to happen on my watch.”
George W. Bush, Osan Air Force base, South Korea, November 19, 2005


"If the United States can foster the development of a sufficiently stable
political system in Iraq, and if it can help train, equip, and support military
and police forces to defend that system, then American policy has a chance of
succeeding. The United States can pull its own troops out of Iraq, knowing that
it has left something sustainable behind. But if neither of those goals is
realistic - if Iraqi politics remains chaotic and the Iraqi military remains
overwhelmed by the insurgent threat - then the American strategy as a whole is
doomed." "WHY IRAQ HAS NO ARMY", James Fallows, Atlantic, Vol. 296, Issue 5, December 2005


"The war has already cost the United States an estimated $251 billion. Each day an estimated $195 million is being spent--money that could provide twelve meals to every starving child in the world, according to Senator Ted Kennedy's office."
"The Iraq Index", John S. Friedman, The Nation, 12-19-05


"The American air war inside Iraq today is perhaps the most significant—and underreported—aspect of the fight against the insurgency. The military authorities in Baghdad and Washington do not provide the press with a daily accounting of missions that Air Force, Navy, and Marine units fly or of the tonnage they drop, as was routinely done during the Vietnam War. One insight into the scope of the bombing in Iraq was supplied by the Marine Corps during the height of the siege of Falluja in the fall of 2004. “With a massive Marine air and ground offensive under way,” a Marine press release said, “Marine close air support continues to put high-tech steel on target. . . . Flying missions day and night for weeks, the fixed wing aircraft of the 3rd Marine Aircraft Wing are ensuring battlefield success on the front line.” Since the beginning of the war, the press release said, the 3rd Marine Aircraft Wing alone had dropped more than five hundred thousand tons of ordnance. “This number is likely to be much higher by the end of operations,” Major Mike Sexton said. In the battle for the city, more than seven hundred Americans were killed or wounded; U.S. officials did not release estimates of civilian dead, but press reports at the time told of women and children killed in the bombardments."

"On the current course we will have two options," I was told by a Marine
lieutenant colonel who had recently served in Iraq and who prefers to remain
anonymous. "We can lose in Iraq and destroy our army, or we can just lose."
"The officer went on to say that of course neither option was acceptable, which
is why he thought it so urgent to change course. By "destroy our army" he meant
that it would take years for the U.S. military to recover from the strain on
manpower, equipment, and - most of all - morale that staying in Iraq would put
on it. (Retired Army General Barry McCaffrey had this danger in mind when he
told Time magazine last winter that "the Army's wheels are going to come off in
the next twenty-four months" if it remained in Iraq.) "Losing" in Iraq would
mean failing to overcome the violent insurgency. A continuing insurgency would,
in the view of the officer I spoke with, sooner or later mean the country's
fracture in a bloody civil war. That, in turn, would mean the emergence of a
central "Sunni-stan" more actively hostile to the United States than Saddam
Hussein's Iraq ever was, which could in the next decade be what the Taliban of
Afghanistan was in the 1990s: a haven for al-Qaeda and related terrorists. "In
Vietnam we just lost," the officer said. "This would be losing with
consequences."
"UP IN THE AIR: Where is the war in Iraq headed next?", Seymour Hersh, The New Yorker, 11-28-2005

BUSHSPEAK

My Big Morass is getting Bigger, but I will fight to the finish until there is Total Victory in Iraq (or at least until the GOP wins in 2006).
As long as I am your Commander-in-Chief I will continue to support and sacrifice our soldiers (and alienate and antagonize the Iraqi people).
I will prevail whether Iraqis and my liberal opponents like it or not.
I shall not Cut and Run from the Oil and Reconstruction Contracts of my friends.
I will stay the course.
I’ll stay on my horse.
Someday Iraq will have plenty of Water and Electricity, but not until America has destroyed all of its Enemies there.
Cut the Timber!
Clear the Brush!
Flush out the armadillos!
Then let Democracy bloom along the Tigris and Euphrates!

BUSH RAP

"Victory! Victory! No retreat!
Stay the course! Smoke 'em out!
Whip my horse! Bomb the enemy!
Kill the terrorists there
so we don't have to here!
No torture unless we have to!
No cut and run!
Stay the course!
Kill the enemy!
Stop the insurgents!
Listen to my generals!
Stand down when they stand up!
Democracy through force!
War is peace!
Freedom is slavery!
Love is Hate!
Victory! Victory! No retreat”

BUSH IN EL PASO

"Hello El Paso!
I'm here on a quick stop.
Can't stay long.
I fought the law and the law won.
Got to get back to the White House...or am I still on vacation at Crawford? Well, anyway, I'm here in El Paso to secure the border and spread more freedom.
Sure like your Mexican food. I like to think outside of the bun, too.
Well, time to get back on my big jet airplane...time keeps on slippin' into the future...Adios and keep grillin' those beans!"

FOREKNOWLEDGE OF 9-11?

"9/11 ushered in an era of permanent war, rule-by-fear, illegal torture, and indefinite detentions-all justified by an attack that the Bush Administration claimed was a complete surprise. But as publisher of the critical Bush biography Fortunate Son, Sander Hicks had a unique position from which to cast a hard look at the official story around the attacks. With original research and interviews, his new book, The Big Wedding: 9/11, the Whistle-Blowers and the Cover-Up, provides a new level of proof that Bush's advisors had detailed foreknowledge of 9/11. The Big Wedding examines the CIA's controlling, client relationship with Pakistani intelligence, who had close, documented, under-reported links to the 9/11 terrorists. In Big Wedding, Hicks hits the road and in Florida, finds FBI whistle-blower Randy Glass, who documents how the FBI was warned by Pakistani intelligence three years before the attacks." "Michael Chertoff: Defender of Terror", Sander Hicks, Paranoia The Conspiracy Reader

"9-11 was indeed an inside job, and perpetrated by the greatest and most despicable international gangsters and mass-murderers that have ever taken over any nation in all of Mankind's torrid history." Theodore E. Lang

NOTABLE QUOTES

"A precipitous withdrawal from Iraq would be a victory for the terrorists, an invitation to further violence against free nations and a terrible blow to the future security of the US."
DicK Cheney, In a speech at the American Enterprise Insitute, Monday, November 21, 2005

"The first thing you do is bring the troops home. And you don’t listen to anyone who says: "We can’t do that now. We knocked their countries down and now must put them back up again. We knocked them down with our tax dollars, and with our tax dollars we must rebuild them — our sort of urban renewal."

"None of that! We go. They want us out of there — the longer we stay, the more they’re going to kill us, and the more they will be killed. And the more outrages they will perpetrate on us here at home. Get out. No more adventures. Forget about our friends in the Middle East who want us to attack Iran and Syria. Forget them. Tell them to get lost. Cut the Pentagon budget by 50 percent. That’ll give you enough money to properly educate the people so they will know their own history, and when a bunch of thugs come along proposing to fleece the taxpayer — they will recognize them, because they will know about them from past history."
Gore Vidal, columns, November 4-11, 2004, LAWEEKLY

"What’s the bottom line of what Bush is saying now? That we are now in Iraq and have to stay the course because … the terrorists want us there. As the White House transcript puts it, “Our goal is to defeat the terrorists and their allies at the heart of their power, so we will defeat the enemy in Iraq.” But-the terrorists we’re fighting now didn’t have any power in Iraq until our invasion." Christopher Dickey, "The Terrorist Temptation", Newsweek, November 17, 2005

"Time Magazine asked if it troubled him that he had been initiated into the Society when he was a young man. President Bush responded, "No qualms at all. I was honored." Inevitably some people, knowing the Skull and Bones reputation of blasphemy, were surprised that the President said he was "honored." Others, particularly Christians defended him saying, in effect, "Let's put this aside. He was forgiven of that when he accepted Christ." The disturbing fact, however, is that President Bush's statement came many years after he announced he had accepted Jesus as his Lord and Saviour."

"In 1924 Prescott Bush became manager of the United Steel Works of the Union Banking Corporation that was seized in October, 1942, by the U.S. government. Prescott was charged with "running Nazi-funded groups in the United States." He was involved in the use of slave-labor in Southern Poland, and Congressional investigators found that United Steel Works supplied 50.8 percent of the pig iron needed by the Nazi war machine.
Ten years later he was elected U.S. Senator from Connecticut."

"George (Senior), in the 1980s, was involved in arming Iran in its bloody war against our then ally Iraq. (The United States, I have also painfully learned, armed Saddam Hussein against Iraq,including providing him ingredients for chemical warfare. Among other reasons there was a great deal of money to be made arming both sides of such a war by companies that were financially supporting the election campaigns of the Reagan and Bush administrations.)"

"Prescott Bush was involved with Union Banking, while George W. (Junior), I discovered in my researches, was involved with the Bank of Credit and Commerce International, partially owned by Osama bin Laden's ber-in-law Khalid bin Malfouz . Bank of Credit was called by the U.S. Senate "one of the largest criminal enterprises in history." Before September 11, 2001, Malfouz was identified as a major supporter of bin Laden's Jihad. George W. Bush's business relations with the bin Laden's go back to the 1970s, when Mr. Malfouz arranged a sweetheart loan of $25 million to bail out of the troubles of his failing oil business."
"Is the President's Soul in Jeopardy?", Lewis Alper, counterpunch, November 26-27, 2005

**C* OFF!

It has been revealed that for the past five years John Cheney has been telling the American people the very same thing that he told Senator Patrick Leahy.

It is a sad and shocking

revelation,

but it is one that all citizens need to face… or rather avoid.

NOTABLE NEWS

Teen's Mannequin Love-In

"A teenager has been charged with indecent exposure after he was caught trying to have sex with a female mannequin on display at an arts centre" in Sioux Falls, South Dakota.
"Security guards found Michael Plentyhorse, 18, sprawled with the dummy on the floor with his trousers and pants down."
"Police spokesman Loren McManus said: "There was inappropriate activity between him and the mannequin."
"If convicted, Plentyhorse may be registered as a sex offender."
[SKYNEWS, November 21, 2005]


THE NEW BUDDHA

"Thousands of pilgrims are pouring into the dense jungle of southern Nepal to worship a 15-year-old boy who has been hailed as a new Buddha."
"Devotees claim that Ram Bomjon, who is silently meditating beneath a tree, has not eaten or drunk anything since he sat down at his chosen spot six months ago."
"Ram Bomjon maintains his vigil in the shade of his pipal tree."
"Witnesses say they have seen light emanating from the teenager's forehead."
"It looks a bit like when you shine a torch through your hand," said Tek Bahadur Lama, a member of the committee responsible for dealing with the growing number of visitors from India and elsewhere in Nepal."
[news.telegraph, November 22, 2005]

THE REPREHENSIBLE ORAL CAVITY OF DICK

"Simply stated, there is no doubt that Saddam Hussein now has weapons of mass destruction." (Dick Cheney, August 26, 2002)

"And we believe he has, in fact, reconstituted nuclear weapons." (Dick Cheney, March 16, 2003)


The oral cavity of Dick Cheney is different today.
Dick has to say so many things out of the two sides of his mouth that it writhes on boths sides now instead of just one.
Dick's oral cavity has expanded.
Dick's defense about the Iraq war is expanding.
But Dick is dodging the ball.
The Downing Street Memo proves that Cheney and Bush wanted to find Intel that would open the doors for their pre-emptive war.
The oral cavity of Dick will continue to open wider and wider, and the American people will continue to recognize "corrupt and shameless" words which attempt to REVISE the facts about how he and the Bush cabal fashioned and interpreted Intel to make the attack and occupation of Iraq acceptable and believable.

HUGO CHAVEZ IS A STREET DOG

If Vicente Fox is a puppy of the U.S. empire, then Hugo Chavez is a big and mean street dog.
It is understandable that Chavez does not want the United States to divide and conquer Venezuela's oil industry.
But Chavez, like Cuba's Castro and Iran's current leader, needs to parse his words more carefully: Bush is not always going to be President of the United States, but since he is it is not wise for other leaders and dictators to irritate the hornets within the burning Bush.
And maybe this is exactly what Syria, Cuba, Iran and Venezuela wish.
They want to combine forces against the mad wasps inside the burning Bush.
Look out.
The fire is going to burn for three more years.
George W. Bush does not like to lose or be considered a loser.
This makes things even more dangerous.
Chill out fellows.
Maybe smoke some of that African bush…
And don’t forget to inhale it.

INVERTEBRATES

"Of the million or more animal species in the world, more than 98% are invertebrates. Invertebrates don't have an internal skeleton made of bone. Many invertebrates have a fluid-filled, hydrostatic skeleton, like the jelly fish or worm. Others have a hard outer shell, like insects and crustaceans. There are many types of invertebrates. The most common invertebrates include the protozoa, annelids, echinoderms, mollusks and arthropods." [www.kidport.com]

Dick Cheney and George W. Bush are not spineless worms or spiders.
But both men are becoming more and more like jittery jellyfish.
Both know that the tide against them is rising.
Each is in his attack mode against those who are voicing resistance to their military blunder and human hubris.
We don't need to call George or Dick liars.
But they and their henchmen (and women) hyped and manipulated the Intel.
It isn't that Bush and Cheney don't want THEIR history to be re-written.
They don't want any history to be written about their false, iniquitous, unpardonable, hellish war.
They misled by selecting scary sound bites based on inaccurate Intel which they manipulated so as to woo, cajole, and convince the American people and Congress that to bomb Iraq and its people was the right thing to do.
It was the WRONG thing to do.
But Dick and George don’t want to see the truth in the shattered mirror before them.
The floor is creaking and the foundation is beginning to crack.
This administration only increases its guilt and wrongdoing by slamming those who now oppose their blunders.
It is not just liberals.
It is not just liberal Democrats.
It is not just radical liberals or radical Democrats.
It is the common fury and frustration of Americans who will produce louder and louder sounds of protest in the coming days.
This administration refuses to face its wrongdoings. The saddest part Dick Cheney is that this nation and the world were subjected to your pernicious falsehoods.
And neither the mind’s memory nor the body’s backbone is being lost.
In fact, the memory of these fabricated reasons for this unnecessary Pre-emptive war is making millions and millions of backbones stronger and more willing to call to a halt your Invertebrate warmongering.

WHITE HOUSE ETHICS TRAINING

"Welcome to your first day of Ethics Training.
When you leave today you will feel more ethical.
You will speak and act more ethically.
The President has the greatest confidence that there will be no more ethics' issues.
Our leader believes that sins, even if any were committed, are a thing of the past.
This administration has three more years to...as the President has said...get the job done. As time passes, you will know more about just what this job is. But right now your commander-in-chief wants you to concentrate on your etiquette...I mean your ethics training. Are there any questions?
OK. Let's begin.
Find a hoola-hoop and a party hat.
It's time to twist to some Chubby Checker!"