POLITICS AND CESSPOOLS

These two words do not rhyme.
They do not have any reason.
Well, a cesspool has a reason:
It's the abode for politics and politicians.
Rep. Peter King (R) N.Y. and Rep. Chris Shays (R) Conn. were on the Larry King program Thursday night [5/18/06].
Both King and Shays were honking the same broken tin horn (of Bush):
Mistakes were made in the Iraq war, but the war was the "right thing to do".
Both agreed that conditions were improving in Iraq.
(Do they live in a cesspool on the dark side of the moon?)
Like our Long War President, these two naked apes obviously don't use the Internet (or their Reason), or they would know what is really happening (and has happened) in Iraq.
Then, of course, both offered their compulsory crocodile tears and cliches of regret that soldiers have to die.
In November the American public flushed and cleaned the cesspool.
It was an excellent Christmas gift to the world.

SPEAK AMERICAN

English.
Not the people.
The language.
In America we speak...
American, of course.
The citizens of England speak English.
Our Long War President speaks...
well, he tries to speak...
the American language.
Senators and Representatives, please do not create a law that makes English the national or official language.
Americans speak the language of America.
English is the national language of England.
The truth is that anyone who comes to America WANTS TO LEARN English.
Yes, I was only pulling your chain about speaking "American"...
Or maybe not.
H.L. Mencken wrote a book called The American Language, and in one chapter he wrote the following:

IV. American and English Today
1. The Two Vocabularies

By way of preliminary to an examination of the American of today, here is a list of terms in everyday use that differ in American and English:
American English
can (noun) tin
checkers (game) draughts
cow-catcher plough
elevator lift
ferns bracken
hog-pen piggery
hood (automobile) bonnet
Methodist Wesleyan
molasses treacle
monkey-wrench spanner
oatmeal porridge
truck (vehicle) lorry
undershirt vest
vest waistcoat
warden (of a prison) governor

Everyone should learn English...I mean
American.
Even Yale graduates.

SEX AND PROFANITY ON TV

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The U.S. Senate late on Thursday approved boosting fines tenfold to $325,000 on television and radio broadcast stations that violate rules on airing profanity or sexually explicit material. (May 18, 2006)

Here is the unofficial FINE List:

1. The F word is
$50,000 per letter.
For example, F*****G's FINE would be $350,000.

2. All other obscene words: $25,000 per letter.
For example, SH**'s FINE would be $100,000.

3. If the F word is conjoined with other profanity, then the FINE is doubled.
For example, F*****G SH**'s Fine would be $900,000.

4. For sexually explicit material and/or exposure of the body's anatomy:

Male member: $1,000,000
Female member: $2,000,000
Breasts: $250,000 each (Pasties will not reduce the FINE)

For all of the above, FINES are doubled when sizes are very big.

5. After three violations, all offenders will get their tongues AND exposed body parts removed and sold for charity.

DA VINCI JIMMY HOFFA AND IMMIGRATION

First, are you tired of seeing George W. Bush wiggle his hand when he walks in front of the camera eye?
What the hell is that?

Second, why do Karl Rove, Scott McClellan and General Michael V. Hayden (any others?) have those similar-looking fat, bald heads?
NeoCon Cabezas?

Third:
Da Vinci?
Straight or Queer?
Saint or Sinner?

Fourth:
Hoffa?
Dead or Alive?
Lost or Found?

Fifth:
Immigration?
???
???

NEW AND IMPROVED POISONS

I have become jaded and tired.
I know I will write tomorrow...
or the day after tomorrow.
But the fire...the faucet...the river...the muse...
You see what I mean.
I have grown tired of criticizing George W. Bush,
but I know my critiques will continue,
because the lies and cover-ups will continue to manifest
their base and baneful countenances.
The Long War President will fall
below his present (approval) poll number of 29%.
But Rove and Cheney are in their laboratories...
cooking up their new and improved potions
(or poisons).

STOP THE JUGGERNAUT

"Eventually we will win the campaign in Iraq."
"Iran is the centerpiece of our future."
"We need to control spending."
"This country has more than enough money to do what it needs to do."
"I think there are problems in both parties."
"I'm not ruling out running."
Newt Gingrich/MEET THE PRESS/5/14/06

Newt Gingrich for president?
That's a scary thought.
Hilary Clinton for president?
That's a scarier thought.
Condoleeza Rice for president?
That's an even more scary thought.
But closer to home and to the present moment is the 2006 Congressional election.
The Bush regime has two years to continue its erosion of
(in the words of George W. Bush)
that "Godamned piece of paper"...
called the Constitution of the United States.
The erosion can stop if voters vote overwhelmingly for Democrats to regain a majority in either the Senate or House of Representatives.
The Long War President is immune to censure and impeachment right now.
He will continue to smirk and shirk.
But the tsunami’s tide can change in November.
Vote to STOP THE IMPERIAL JUGGERNAUT!

GEORGE W. BUSH IS NOT A FUHRER

"So the issue is bigger than Bush. With military bases in 130 countries, it has become necessary for America's commander in chief to match the ambitions of a state aspiring toward full-spectrum dominance – and the unprecedented control of earth and space."

"Bush has, during his tenure so far, issued signing statements on 750 laws – and vetoed zero. He has thus revised over twice as many laws as did his father and Bill Clinton combined, while becoming the first president since Thomas Jefferson, over 200 years ago, to not veto a single bill."
May 8, 2006
Empire Breeds the Emperor
Bush's excesses and how to correct them
by Christopher Deliso
balkanalysis.com

All right, I know that George W. Bush is not a fuhrer.
I have pinned that word onto the Long War President as a result
of his words, actions and attitudes.
Cheney and the LWP do not admit ANY wrongs.
Nor does the cellophane-voiced Donald Rumsfeld or Miss ominous-eyed (mushroom cloud lady) Condoleeza Rice.
The whole bunch is an arrogant and imperial regime.
The American people now see clearly through the dark glass behind which these deceivers and malefactors have been hiding.
The Poll of Bush is approaching zero.
That number is the measure of this fuhrer's...
I mean of this president's stature and credibilty.
George Walker Bush is a pathetic and shameless naked ape .

TIM DUNCAN

I am amazed by the aplomb of Tim Duncan.
This star of the San Antonio Spurs rarely changes his staid facial expression.
And he rarely looks tired.
Duncan is as cool as ice when he's on fire.
O.K.
Sometimes he will show some irritation when a referee has made a bad call,
or if another player has played "dirty".
And he did show some emotion Saturday night in game 3 with the Dallas Mavericks when the Spurs finally took the lead in the final minutes of the fourth quarter.
But Tim Duncan is mostly the epitome of equanimity.
I wonder what Mr. Duncan looks like when he chills.
A statue?

THE FUROR OF THE FUHRER

Here is Attorney General Alberto Gonzales testifying before the House Judiciary Committee on April 6, 2006:
Nadler: Number two, can you assure us that there is no warrantless surveillance of calls between two Americans within the United States?
Gonzales: That is not what the president has authorized.
Nadler: Can you assure us that it's not being done?
Gonzales: As I indicated in response to an earlier question, no technology is perfect.
Nadler: OK.
Gonzales: We do have minimization procedures in place...
Nadler: But you're not doing that deliberately?
Gonzales: That is correct.
-------
Here was the headline on the front page of USA TODAY Fri/Sat/Sun 12-14, 2006:
Furor erupts over NSA's secret phone call database.
I thought how the word Furor might be substituted with the word Fuhrer.
Wouldn't the headline make just as much sense?
More sense?:
Fuhrer erupts over NSA's secret phone call database.
George W. Bush, almost cowering at an unscheduled stop in front of cameras, said yesterday [5/11/06]:
"The privacy of ordinary Americans is fiercely protected in all our activities''.
Our Long War President is now behaving more and more like an upset fuhrer.
Americans don't seem that upset...YET.
"Hey, I'm not doing anything wrong or illegal...Sure...Let the fuhrer and his agency record my phone number...
They aren't listening, so what's the harm?"
Ah...just what the Long War President and his regime like to hear.
Scare 'em...
Scare 'em some more..
And they will do what we say...
They’ll like what we do...
And accept what I DECIDE.
Well, maybe.
Maybe something traumatic will happen again.
The fuhrer and his regime will then tell us:
"See...we wanted to protect you...but the leakers and the media have been giving away our secrets...
And NOW YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH ANOTHER TRAGEDY!"
It's not the regime's fault.
It's the fault of the leakers and the fault-finding critics.
Who will you vote for now?

BUSH AND BIG BROTHER ARE LISTENING

"The NSA has been spying on Americans for decades and Echelon has had the capability to track every communication in real time for at least ten years."

Alex Jones & Paul Joseph Watson, 12/20/05, prisonplanet.com

Mad Plato has just learned that Homeland Security's TIA (or
Terrorist Information Awareness) has been monitoring some recent phone calls made by Mad Plato.
Words that are inside of TIA's computer database, which indicate some type of potential terrorist activity, will trigger the computers to cherry-pick such words out of the air from telephone conversations, and then store them inside of TIA computers for review and analysis.
Here are some pieces of conversations that have been intercepted by TIA:

"Hi Mad Plato. Boy, the party at Sharon's last week was a real bomb!"

"By the way, Bill, were you planning to fire any rockets this Fourth
of July?"

"Yes, Bill, I'll be heading with Aziz, Mark, and Robin to the retreat
next week."

"Wow! I bet you had a blast in Spain last weekend."

So, citizens, be careful what you say on the telephone. Homeland Security is listening to you.
What you say may reward you with a visit by an agent of Homeland Security.
Wait, I hear a knock at my door right nOw...and the phone is ringing.
I must go.
Goodbye.

TROLLING MINING AND BUSH'S BIG BLACK BOOK

The Long War President not only has a very long and wooden nose that is getting longer and longer by the lying minute, but he also has some VERY LARGE eyes and ears.
Very large ears...
a very small brain...
an even tinier soul!
The LWP is not mining or trolling…
or quail shooting.
CITIZENS!
ALL OF YOU ARE UNDER MY SCRUTINY.
DO NOT ASK WHAT I AM DOING.
I AM PROTECTING YOU FROM OSAMA AND AL QAEDA!
I DECIDED TO DO THAT AFTER 9/11.
I AM YOUR DECIDER!
I AM YOUR SPY-IN-CHIEF!
TRUST ME.
BELIEVE IN ME.
VICTORY WILL BE MINE!
GO AHEAD…MAKE THAT PHONE CALL!
IT IS GETTING EASIER AND EASIER TO BE A...
DICTATOR!

THUMBSUCKERS!

Donald Rumsfeld is no thumbsucker.
He is an arm and hand waver.
He is a joker...
But he's not a midnight toker.
(Can you hear Steve Miller singing?)
The roof could be falling down and the floor falling in, but Mr. Rumsfeld would still give us a smile and some laconic soundbite.
His feathers are not easily ruffled.
Generals come and go, but people such as Donald Rumsfeld stay.
Donald Rumsfeld might be (or do) some of the following:
He's a wolf in sheep's clothing.
He's a wooly and wily bureaucrat.
He's a nonplused "never make any mistakes" fellow.
He's an enigmatic speaker:
"But there are also unknown unknowns -- the ones we don't know we don't know."
He's sometimes dumb and dumber:
"I can't tell you if the use of force in Iraq today will last five days, five weeks or five months, but it won't last any longer than that."
Sometimes he can be right on the money:
"It is easier to get into something than to get out of it."
He's guilty of war crimes.

THE REAL UNREAL UNBELIEVABLE NEWS

"The real news, which is not reported in the CNN "mainstream", is that the Salvador Option has been invoked in Iraq. This is the campaign of terror by death squads armed and trained by the US, which attack Sunnis and Shias alike. The goal is the incitement of a real civil war and the breakup of Iraq, the original war aim of Bush's administration."

Return of the Death Squads: Iraq’s Hidden News
by John Pilger
www.dissidentvoice.org
May 5, 2006
First Published in The New Statesman

GEORGE W. BUSH DRUGS AND VICENTE FOX

GWB: Vicente, this is George W. Bush.
VF: Yes, Mr. President. Buenas dias.
GWB: Vicente, what did I say about speaking Spanish?
VF: Oh, si, Mr. President. I forgot.
GWB: O.K. But here's why I called. I don't want you to sign your new drug policy.
VF: But Mr. President, this is my decision.
GWB: No, Vicente, I AM THE DECIDER. You have to do what I decide.
VF: But this is my country and...
GWB: Do you want any foreign aid this year?
VF: Why of course.
GWB: Then don't make it legal for your people to use any pot, cocaine or heroin. Especially cocaine. I know what it can do.
VF: O.K.
GWB: Good. If you sign your permissive drug law, our citizens will flood into Mexico. I'm for free trade, but my people need to stay here and off of the drugs.
VF: Yes, Mr. President.
GWB: O.K. Fox. Sayonara and Adios.
Happy cinco de mayonnaise!

PICASSO

95.2 Million Dollars for a painting.
And we thought gas prices were high.
Picasso's "Boy With a Pipe" (1905) sold for $104.2 million in 2004.
This current canvas is titled "Dora Maar With Cat".
The cat is a little black thing. It looks real.
But Dora Maar looks like she's been in a bad accident.
Not a pretty face.
But that's the style of Picasso.
Twisting torsos---double chins and double noses---an eye here and an eye there.
One wonders what happened to Picasso that he started creating all of these strange-looking portraits.
His "Portrait of Olga in the Armchair" (1917) does not have all of thOse bizarre forms.
Picasso wrote: “I keep doing my best not to lose sight of nature. I want to aim at similarity, a profound similarity which is more real than reality, thus becoming surrealist.”
More real than reality.
Below is a short and rather inscrutable description that I wrote with Pablo Picasso in mind:
Cubism.
That stolid cucaracha
Of cubes and cuboids
Sitting and chewing its abstract cud
On a round cucking stool.
Cubism crawled into a cockeyed and curious cubbyhole
And came out of an ancient coughing cuckoo clock.
Who can ever calculate the damage done
By those who have cuddled this crazy
Cubic cucumber from Picasso's chain-smoking palette?

IMPEACHMENT

"Numerous religious organizations and interfaith groups have opposed the Bush administration's invasion and occupation of Iraq. The next prophetic step of these people of faith should also be to initiate their own movements to censure President Bush and Vice President Cheney and call for impeachment proceedings. For the sake of Iraq and Iran and North Korea-and America, it is time to stop President Bush from "praying for peace."

"Resolving disputes peacefully was the first thing out of President Bush's mouth and apparently the last thing on his mind. His pre-war public posture was that of a man of faith and peace. At his March 6, 2003 news conference, he said, "I pray daily. I pray for wisdom and guidance and strength. . . . I pray for peace. I pray for peace." (The New York Times, Mar. 7, 2003) Two weeks later he ordered the bombing of the Iraqi people and the invasion of their country."

"A growing body of evidence reveals that it is not about spreading freedom but falsehoods to deceive the American people and justify the war crimes being committed against the Iraqi people. The latest revelation was aired April 23, 2006 by CBS News television program "60 Minutes," in an interview with Tyler Drumheller, a top CIA officer. Drumheller headed an operation that established a covert relationship with a paid informant, Foreign Minister Naji Sabir, a member of Saddam Hussein's inner circle. "He told us that they have no active weapons of mass destruction program," Drumheller said.

"Some six months before America invaded Iraq, C.I.A. Director George Tenet delivered Foreign Minister Sabir's critical intelligence news at a meeting attended by President Bush, Vice President Cheney and Condoleezza Rice, then National Security Advisor. But they were only interested in intelligence that would justify their decision to invade Iraq. Drumheller stated, "The group that was dealing with preparation for the Iraq war came back and said, 'They're no longer interested.' And we said, 'Well, what about the intel?,' And they said. 'Well, this isn't isn't about intel anymore. This is about regime change.'"

Time for People of Faith to Censure Bush:
Praying for Peace or Preying on Peace?
By Rev. WILLIAM A. ALBERTS, Ph.D.
Weekend Edition/CounterPunch.com
April 29 / 30, 2006

"Well, so much for "fly-paper" or "fighting them over there" or attacking Iraq to end terror. The US government is now admitting that the Bush war in Iraq is generating anti-Western Terrorism. So far Madrid and London have been hit over it, and that is only the beginning. The jihadis getting training fighting Marines in Iraq will be a threat for decades, all over the world."
Informed Comment.com/Juan Cole, Professor of History University of Michigan


President Bush's Speech
6 October 2005:

[Words between brackets are by Mad Plato.]

The terrorists regard Iraq as the central front in their war against humanity, and we must recognize Iraq as the central front in our war on terror.
[Of course, this was not true before I bombed Iraq!]

Evil men who want to use horrendous weapons against us are working in deadly earnest to gain them. And we're working urgently to keep weapons of mass destruction out of their hands.
[You may ask "What about North Korea and India?” They don’t have petroleum.]

With every random bombing and with every funeral of a child it becomes more clear that the extremists are not patriots or resistance fighters. They are murderers at war with the Iraqi people themselves.
[ But America is your liberator! America is your Freedom-Spreader! I am your Decider!]

In Iraq, there is no peace without victory. We will keep our nerve and we will win that victory.
[And there is no victory without war!]

Throughout history, tyrants and would-be tyrants have always claimed that murder is justified to serve their grand vision. And they end up alienating decent people across the globe.
[I've alienated decent people across the globe.]

Tyrants and would-be tyrants have always claimed that regimented societies are strong and pure until those societies collapse in corruption and decay.
[The U.S. is not far behind.]

We don't know the course of our own struggle, the course our own struggle will take, or the sacrifices that might lie ahead.
[But many lies lie behind us in my own struggle!]

We do know, however, that the defense of freedom is worth our sacrifice. We do know the love of freedom is the mightiest force of history. And we do know the cause of freedom will once again prevail.
[Do you hear me Iran?]

HOUSECLEANING TIME

Begin buying your boats and canoes.
Learn how to swim.
The water tables are rising.
The ice caps are melting.
Yes, the sky is falling.
You and I are at fault.
Our planet is heating up because we drive our cars to work and shop at Wal-Mart.
We make the machines and we demand the fuel!
Enjoy life while it's here.
Polar bears are in big trouble.
The dolphins are in trouble.
The human race is in trouble.
It's housecleaning time.
Mother earth is going to cleanse herself.
The filthy, CO2-spewing saps called humans have to shape up or ship out.
Cash in your chips.
Take that last vacation.
Pay the piper.
Party hard.
Kiss your gaseous butts goodbye!

COCONUTS AND ROCK AND ROLL

Keith Richards fell out of a coconut tree and suffered a concussion.
Maybe it's not a joke, but it's funny.
Mr. Richards had to climb the tree in order to fall out of it.
Was he climbing the coconut tree to get high?
Or was he high when he climbed it?
Picking coconuts?
Keith Richards is a 62 year-old rock and roller.
He started rocking and rolling with Mr. Jagger about fifty years ago.
Mr. Richards...stay on the ground...
Stay out of the trees!

NO MORE NUKES

"The Iranians should not have a nuclear weapon, the capacity to make a nuclear weapon, or the knowledge as to how to make a nuclear weapon." George W. Bush/April 28, 2006


And if Iran does have any of the above, the Long War President will drop his nuclear weapons on their batty and bombastic butts.
Of course, America's nuclear weapons will be utilized for the peace and security of the world.
And it won't matter if these pre-emptive nukes begin WORLD WAR III.
God is (still) on our side.
Allah is on the wrong side.
Onward Forward...

MILK AND GAS

I bought me a cow.
So I've got milk.
But I also have a gas station.
I put a contraption on the rear of my cow to trap the methane.
That gas goes to a nearby tank.
It takes about 24 hours to "capture" enough gas to fill up my vehicle's tank.
Gas and Milk...what a great combination!
O.K. I didn't buy a cow.
I don't have milk or gas.
But it's something to think about.