Friday, May 02, 2014

THE PYRAMIDS


 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 





The loud laughter that you hear is coming from those extraterrestrial beings who made the Egyptian pyramids .



They're laughing at a new theory explaining how those huge stones were brought across the desert.



This new theory (if it holds water) claims that the pyramid builders simply made the sand wet to allow them to easily drag, pull (push?) the giant stones.



Voila & eureka!



They then could start building their pyramids.



The wet sand decreased friction, and, thus, the stones slid smoothly across this moistened sand.



Beer that the pyramid builders drank also helped a lot.




IT'S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES!





Tuesday, April 29, 2014

WATERBOARDING SARAH PALIN AND BAPTISM


 

"Waterboarding is how we baptize terrorists."

Sarah Palin

 

I do not remember the day that I was baptized.



I will need to be hynotized to remember that acqueous moment.



I do remember when I received a sharp smack from the bishop, delivering my confirmation.



Even the Holy Ghost was jolted by that wallop.



*



With her usual ability to amuse us, Sarah Palin recently used the rite of baptism to describe the unholy and cruel procedure of waterboarding.



Miss drill-baby-drill soccer mom is still stuck in her mire of foolishness.



Like global warming, Sarah Palin just won't go away.



But who knows? Maybe she will make another run for the White House.



Perhaps she'll run with Mitt Romney, Donald Trump, or Rick Perry.



This would give the country and talk shows something to laugh about.



Polarization in politics stays strong until a party or politician finds an issue to promote re-election....Republican or Democrat.



Sarah Palin titillated NRA members with her cute but moronic quips, but let's hope that the majority of Americans don't vote for this nonsense in 2016.



IT'S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES!



Thursday, April 17, 2014

HAPPY EASTER!



Santa:
Hello Easter Bunny! How's business?

Easter Bunny:
Hi Santa. Business is great. Thank you Jesus!

Santa:
You can say that again. Alright, I'll say it: Thank you Jesus!

Easter Bunny:
I guess we really should thank God.

Santa:
Yes, thank you Jesus and God!

Easter Bunny:
Well, I've got to get all of my eggs in a basket, and start delivering.

Santa:
Ho, ho, ho! Talk to you later. 
ITS' ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES AND EASTER!


Monday, April 14, 2014

BODY ODOR AND JESUS









Some recent news has greatly disturbed me .



One piece of news was that Jesus might have had a wife.



Well, this is not really that disturbing, because if it is true, then it might prove that Jesus was not gay.



(I can't use the word gay without thinking that it once just meant the simple adjective happy; but I suppose homosexual is too strong, and the word fag is totally inappropriate.)



*



The other news that disturbed me was learning the chemical makeup for different body odors .



Do we really want to know this kind of stuff?



Can't we just stink and not be told what it is that makes us stink?



I guess not.



*



In other news, Justin Bieber and Lindsay Lohan are doing much better.



*



Russia and the United States may or may not be entering another COLD war; or worse yet, starting ANOTHER World war.


It all depends on how irritated Putin's mammillae become, and then just how cool Barack Obama and Congress can manage to stay if Putin's mammillae do become real distended .





IT'S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES, JESUS, BODY ODOR, AND PEACE!










Saturday, April 05, 2014

HELLO MONEY GOODBYE DEMOCRACY


Cheney, Rumsfeld, Wolfowitz, Feith and the rest of that ghoulish clique still call the foreign policy shots for national Republicans. Despite their abject failures — both technocratically and morally — Bush, Cheney and Rumsfeld remain in good standing with the people who run one of America’s only two serious political parties. If Mitt Romney were president right now, with Dan Senor by his side, the United States could be ramping up for war with Iran or Russia, preparing to once again spread freedom from the barrel of a gun as if Fallujah and Abu Ghraib never happened.
From http://www.salon.com/2014/04/05/bush_crews_deplorable_return_how_their_reemergence_sends_a_deadly_message/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=socialflow


Money does talk, and now, thanks to the Supreme Court, money will talk until the cows come home, until the chickens come home to roost, until hell freezes over...



The Almighty dollar now controls American democracy!



The love of money will now embrace our future leaders like there is no tomorrow (and there may not be after big business and super-rich, domestic  (and foreign) powers shower their money on leaders they will pay for).



Finally, we will get the government we deserve

(NOT).



Less is not more.



The more money you have, the more power you have.



Thank you United States Supreme Court!







IT'S ABOUT MONEY!








From HogueProphecy.com









There are forces, this time mostly in the West that for greed and profit would like to set free the Demon called “Cold War” once again! These infernal corporations of the war business, their puppet politicians and their media hacks fantasize that propagating the Russian Federation as some new Soviet Union to be contained will bring decades of profits and like the financially flush times of the last Cold War market, never lead to a nuclear war.








Democrat and Republican leaders alike have become converts to the Neconservative, US hegemonic philosophy that could bring this about. These agents of corporate fascism overtaking the Western World choose your leaders now. They have propped up Jeb Bush and Hillary Clinton, as big business’s choices. You are expected to choose one of them when you go through the motions of voting for US president in 2016. Both of these puppets have completely converted to the Neo-”Con” job. Either way, your next US president will be a channel for war market mongers!











Thursday, April 03, 2014

ARE THEY HERE OR OUT THERE?




After writing this letter, and after finishing Strangers by Dean Koontz, I wanted to add a paragraph that I found while reading Strangers:
"The mere existence of another---and superior---intelligence put human strife in a different context.  Mankind's endless, violent struggles to dominate and enslave, to impress one philosophy or another upon the entire race at any cost in blood and pain---that seemed so hopelessly petty and fruitless now.  All narrow, power-centered philosophies would surely collapse.  Religions that preached the oneness of men would probably thrive, but those that encouraged violent conversion would not...that extraterrestrial contact had the potential to make one nation of all mankind, one vast family; for the first time in history, every individual could have the respect that only a good, loving family---no king, no government---could bestow.
Something had come down from the sky.
And all humankind could be lifted up."




It was after reading the article below that I then wrote my letter.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2356807/Our-galaxy-contain-60-BILLION-alien-planets-capable-supporting-life--double-number-thought-before.html








If they are out there, why aren't they here?



Why don't they visit?



Is our planet too dangerous for them?



Do they have better things to do?



Don't they want to support Hillary Clinton in 2016?



*



Bill Clinton was on Jimmy Kimmel's show, and Clinton with his trademark grin exclaimed that he did not know if they were here, but that he did believe it was quite possible that they were out there.



Then, reminiscent of Ronald Reagan, Bill Clinton pointed out that countries would stop fighting each other if it was known that they that came from out there were evil empires (not like Russia, but like North Korea).



*



So...we all need to wait for them to visit, and

continue to prepare for new wars until they either rescue us from our self-annihilation, or do some annihilating themselves.



In the meantime, let's get ready for the Final Four.



Maybe they will like basketball.











IT'S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES AND THEM.




























IT'S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES AND THEM.


Tuesday, March 25, 2014

TOP TEN QUESTIONS


Is the Ukraine

Vladmir Putin's

Hot potato?

(Yes, but it's no spudnik.)




Is Barack Obama on the hot seat?

(As always)




Are Republicans beating their war drums again?

(As always)




Are Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez back together?

(Maybe, but Selena has been on Bieber's chest not his back.)




Did the plane crash, land, or disappear into a black hole?

(Or None of the above?)




Should students print or write cursive?

(They should print but not curse.)




Is Kim Kardashian overexposed?

(No ifs, ands, or...well...butts, yes.)




Will Hillary Clinton run for president in 2016?

(Do we need oxygen to breathe?)




Will the world end in fire or ice?

(Who the hell knows?)




Are extraterrestrials here or coming here?

(Who the hell knows?)




P.S.

Last month NASA announced it had found 715 new planets outside the solar system, nearly doubling the previous total known planets in the galaxy.













IT'S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES!






















Friday, March 14, 2014

EAT YOUR PIE


It's both irrational and transcendental.”



After I read this statement, I thought, “Why, that's a wonderful thought!”



Then I thought, “But what does it mean? And is it that wonderful?”



It's a description of Pi, the ratio of a circle's circumference to its diameter.



But I was interested in the irony of the two words conjoined.

What if I were irrational and transcendental?  That is, what if I were irrational, but also transcendental?



What would this mean?

What would I be?

What would I do?

Would I eat more pie?



Anyway, today is Pi day, and also the birthday of Albert Einstein.





IT'S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES AND Pi!









http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/the-switch/wp/2014/03/14/happy-pi-day-its-also-albert-einstein-birthday/?




Monday, March 03, 2014

BRINGING BACK THE DEAD


A CONVERSATION BETWEEN TWO RECENLY CLONED WOOLLY MAMMOTHS










Manny:

Hi. What's your name?






Martha:

Martha.




Manny:

I'm Manny.




Martha:

How long have you been back from the dead?




Manny:

A few hours. You?




Martha:

A week.




Manny:

What is this place called?




Martha:

It's called the paleogenomics lab, but we're in a state called California.




Manny:

Well, this state is very noisy and smelly.




Martha:

Gone are the sweet days of tundra steppe covered with grasses, sedges, and shrubs.




Manny:

Which reminds me...what kind of food are we going to eat?




Martha:

This morning I saw our creators putting green pellets into our feeding trough.




Manny:

Gross!




Martha:

I know, but we've got to eat something.




Manny:

Look, they're opening the gate to our feeding area now.




Martha:

Good...dinner! Just let me get my purse.












IT'S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES AND BRINGING BACK THE DEAD!











































Thursday, February 27, 2014

NOT EVERYTHING IS WHAT IT SEEMS BUT IT MIGHT BE


 




Those chicken wings are not really wings.

They are just chicken “nuggets” that look like wings.
A machine probably squeezes the “chicken batter” into molds to look like wings.
Yummy.
No bones!

*

In India I saw some peculiar things.
I realize now that I wasn't in my right mind.
Still, I remember what I saw, and it's been long enough now that I won't be put into a bug-house. 
 At least, I hope not.

It was 1978.
 
I was lost.
(I wrote a couple of poems about this experience. *see below*)
I didn't include the more peculiar things that I saw, so I will now.
While walking one night (and, boy, did I do a lot of walking in India!) I saw a small camel sleeping (or dead?) on a sidewalk.

I swear that this camel raised its head up and moved it back and forth as if it was telling me “No”.
About what I'll never know.
But I remember what I thought:

He's telling me not to walk here.”
It was a creepy and smelly part of Old Delhi.

But I kept walking, and nothing bad happened.

*

I was still walking (as I point out in my poems.)
At one point I saw a house that I just knew had an American living there.
 
It had a fence.
I started walking toward the house.
Then a man appeared.
But not quite a man.

He looked like one of the simians in the movie Planet of the Apes.
First he was an ape, and then he was just a normal-looking human.
 
I blinked a few times, then approached the man.
I don't remember what he said, but he went into the house, then came back out and invited me to come inside.
 
An American greeted me.
I don't know what I said to him, but I remember he asked me if I wanted something to drink, and I said, “Yes, a screwdriver.”
The man-servant who had greeted me outside promptly brought me my drink on a shiny, oval platter that I thought was made of gold, but it was more likely just brass.

The American disappeared into a nearby room.
I heard the voice of President Carter, but it was just Carter speaking at a news conference or something.
I'm sure he wasn't speaking with this American.

The American came back, and said that he would have his servant take me somewhere safe.

 
*poems*


Lost In India Part I 
     
I was thinking about India and
The white Brahman bull.
I was just standing around.
Wearing a colorful quilt.
When I turned around.
The Brahma bull was touching my nose.
Life's movements
Quickly move like that Brahma bull.
Attracted to colorful motion.
Suddenly it is here.
Life.
Death.
Romance.
Then I got onto the cart.
Being pulled by a different bull.
The dark Indian man lightly touched me.
Felt my ribs.
Wondering in silence.
Who was I?
Why so thin?



LOST IN INDIA




I walked & walked until my shoes fell off
When I saw green I jumped off the old train
When I hit the ground & rolled over I was
Surprised I was alive, I had bruises,
I walked into a medical clinic, they said I
Was ok & so I left, I had on my dark
Sunglasses, mysterious-looking dark stranger
Wandering, the sky got gray, the night got
Cold, it started to rain, I climbed onto a
Haystack to cover myself with straw, it was
a lousy idea, so I climbed into a small
Grain bin with a little roof & covered
Myself with corn meal, so warm & cozy, I had
on my dark sunglasses, I slept, I woke up,
It was a sunny morning, my dark sunglasses
Were gone, men were staring down at me & as I
climbed out of that warm corn meal heaven
Someone handed me my sunglasses, I was so
Relieved, I could see again, I started
Walking, walking, walking & my feet bled.







IT'S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES!




Sunday, February 16, 2014

IN THE NEWS






That doughnut on Mars wasn't an alien after all.

It was just a rock.

Long live Rock and Roll!



Valentine's Day is over.

Dentists love this day, and candy companies love it even more.

Both love Easter, but especially Halloween.

Go sugar!



This summer may be one of the hottest ever recorded.

Go sun!



The United States gets 50% of its fruits, vegetables, and nuts from California.

Fruits and nuts come mostly from San Francisco.

Go fruits and nuts!



Miley Cyrus is as raunchy as can be.

Go Miley!



Justin Bieber's bad behavior is on hiatus.

Go Bieber!



Jay is out and Jimmy is in.

(I love to end sentences with prepositions.)

Go Fallon!



Movies, movies, movies.

So many to watch.

Go cinema!







IT'S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES!










Saturday, February 08, 2014

MOONBEAMS MICE AND YOGA MATS

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2554742/Chemical-used-shoe-rubber-ditched-Subway-week-McDonalds-Burger-King-Wendy-s-popular-store-bought-products.html




Now I realize why I have been craving yoga mats and shoes.


I've been eating products that contain azodicarbonamide.


*

I practiced Yoga when I was in my early twenties.


I didn't use any yoga mats, and I ate homemade, whole wheat bread that didn't contain azodicarbonamide.


Times have changed.


I have changed.


*
The earth today is boiling and melting simultaneously.


And let's not forget about those out-of-sight asteroids that may be approaching.

*

I'm trying to reduce my fats and carbohydrates.

I don't know how much fat or carbohydrates were in azodicarbonamide, but thank goodness I now won't have to worry since it will be removed.


Now I have to figure out what to do with all of my shoes and yoga mats.





IT'S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES AND AZODICARBONAMIDE!