THE LION KING

REPORTER:

Good morning Snoop Dog…

Snoop:

Stop.  I’m no longer Snoop Dog.  I’m now Snoop Lion.

REPORTER:

Sorry.  So Snoop Lion, you seem to have had an epiphany about your identity.

Snoop:

That’s right.  I had to let go of an old me to bring in a new me.  I need Reggae in my soul.  The RAP flew the coop, if you know what I mean?

REPORTER:

Does this mean that the pot-smoking will increase?

Snoop:

 Most definitely.  I can’t be the big lion if I’m just smoking little roaches.  I have to have the big blunts.

REPORTER:

Is Larry King invited to your party tonight?

Snoop:

Most definitely.  The king of TV will be with the king of the jungle!  Excuse me now, I need to go light up!

FAREWELL GORE VIDAL

I always hoped that he might contact me, or at least that someone who “handled” his correspondence would.

 I often checked the Internet to see what he had been writing (or saying).

A few years ago I had purchased a signed, 1^st edition of his Visit to a Small Planet, and had told him in my brief letter what I had thought about it.

I had also bought a signed, 1^st edition of Kalki.  

His wit always shined with brilliant light. 

He became more cynical about all things the nearer he came to his denouement.

I think that I dreaded the day of his death more than he did.

                              

R.I.P.

KISS MY GAFFES

REPORTER:

Mr. Romney, welcome back.

MR:

Thank you.  It’s good to be back at my homes…I mean home.

REPORTER:

Sir, your alleged gaffes now seem to be a wedge issue, but one issue in particular that isn’t going away is whether you will release more of your income tax returns.  The American people believe that you have something to hide.  Do you?

MR:

No.  But doesn’t everyone have something to hide?  Even before Easter?  And, yes, I have had a few wedgies in the past week.

REPORTER:

Sir, everyone might want to hide something, but not everyone is running for the Presidency of the United States.

MR:

True, and I am running for  something.  I’m not running away from  something.  But as I’ve indicated before, I have followed the laws regarding the filing of my taxes, and I’ve released the required number of tax returns. 

REPORTER:

And yet, there is still the public’s perception that you do not want them to know everything about your taxes.

MR:

Your questions are becoming repetitive.  Can we move on?

REPORTER:

Yes. Of course.  Mr Romney, do you plan to move any more of your money outside of the United States?

MR:

O.K.  That’s the last question.  You can now kiss my gaffes and shove off!

     IT’S THE OIL STUPID!

NO SAME SEX CHICKEN OR FILL UP A CHICK AT Chick-fil-A.

"The chicken came first—God would look silly sitting on an egg."

— Author Unknown

“Cock a doodle do!
My dame will dance with you,
While master fiddles his fiddlingstick,
And knows not what to do.”

***

PHYLLIS:

Hi sweetie.  How’s everything laying?

CAROLINA:  

Good and bad.  I produced eleven yesterday, but only two came out today.  It must be the heat.

PHYLLIS:

Yeah, maybe, but we should get some cockle-doodle-do to make us more fertile.

CAROLINA:

That might work, but we’re lesbians, remember?

PHYLLIS:

Right.  Yikes!  Look busy. Here comes Mr. Fiddlesticks now!   

IT’S THE OIL STUPID!

BOMBS GAY CHICKENS AND THE HAND OF PROVIDENCE

REPORTER:

Mr. Romney, you’ve recently run into a few snags here in the United States as well as during your visit to Europe and the Mideast.  What exactly has happened?

MR:

Excuse me, but you’ve created a negative impression by the way you’ve asked your question.  I am a fisherman, and so I’m familiar with snags, but please be more specific about the snags.

REPORTER:

 Yes sir.  One snag was created on Feb 1, 2012,  when you said, "I'm not concerned about the very poor.  We have a safety net for the poor in, and if there are holes in it, I will work to repair that.”  

And yet, more recently you stated:

  “My campaign is about helping the people who need help. The course the President has set has not done that – and will not do that.  My course will.”

MR:

 Forgive me for one moment while I use my Etch A Sketch.  There, I’ve removed one side of that snag.  What else do you have?

REPORTER:

Sir, while in London you had a lot of critics who chastised or satirized your opinions about the way this year’s Olympics might go.

MR:

Hold on.  There.  Gone.  I just love this Etch A Sketch.

REPORTER:

I know you do sir, and that is just the point.  Voters are wondering how effective you would be as President if you constantly erase what you say, and then say it differently.

MR:

I am not ashamed of my money.  I am not ashamed of being rich.  I am not ashamed of having my big Etch A Sketch with me all of the time.  This country deserves better.  I believe that I will be better for this nation than Barack Obama. 

REPORTER:

Thank you Mr. Romney.  Any final comments?

MR:

Yes, let’s get the ball moving on Iran. Hold it!  I can hear John McCain.  He’s humming, “Bomb, bomb Iran”.  Providence's hand is reaching out again!

IT'S THE OIL STUPID!

ONE HUNDRED DAYS BEFORE THE ELECTION

All options are on

 The table!

All donkeys are in

The stable!

All drones are plenty

Capable!

Give peace another war label!

Beat the drums!

Prime the guns!

Send the sons!

Send the daughters!

All options are on

The table!

Was Peace on Earth a grand,

Old fable?

IT'S THE OIL STUPID!

SIP SLURP AND GULP

Some say they want to take away our right to bear arms.

No, you can keep your hands and arms.

Just make sure they aren’t holding any guns or bullets.

***

Smoking went out the door.

And out of the parks.

You have to go to Mars or the Moon if you want to take that drag.

No second-hand smoke!

***

They have nearly removed all sugar from chewing gum.

Most gum has something called aspartame in it.

 Printed on myriad, sugarless products are a couple of cute-sounding, innocuous words (if you can read their tiny print!) called Phenylalanine and Phenylketonurics.

Welcome  to the world of Rumsfeld’s Disease!

***

I guess it was o.k. to ban those hydrogenated oils.

But the other night I broke down and bought me a $1 cheeseburger and a large fries at the Golden Arches.

Then after chewing one or two of the fries, I remembered the video I had just watched a week earlier where this dude left various McDonald’s goodies out for hours, days, and weeks.

Under these glass domes.

Everything turned to goop and mold except for the fries.

They were out for months, and still hadn’t changed the way they looked!

Fresh as sliced, golden daisies!

(I realize this was an awkward description, but it sounded good.)

What the hell is in these fries?

What the hell do they do to our minds and bodies?

No more McFries for me!   

***

But all of these things is not the point of this gobbledygook.

It’s about the ban on 16 ounce sodas.

Mayor Bloomberg seems to have lost his mind.

And he wants to take away one more vice from New Yorkers.

DON’T.

Let the public decide whether to sip, slurp, or gulp.

IT'S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES

GODS GUNS AND BATMAN

The Sleep of Reason Produces Monsters by Goya

The night before I had been watching Bowling for Columbine (2002) by Michael Moore.

The next day arrived.

 Then came the awful hour of midnight in a movie theater in Colorado, and the collective heart of our nation had been broken once again.

I kept remembering how Charleton Heston looked when he ambled away from Michael Moore at the end of Bowling for Columbine.

 It wasn’t Moses or Ben Hur turning his back on Mr. Moore, but it was a smug and surly man.

America talks the good talk about peace and love, and its people are a giving people, but the colors of its flag reflect tragic periods of its footsteps on the tracks of history.

I recalled a quote that says in effect that when a group of men kill it is more acceptable than when killing is done by just one man. 

There are rationalizations for everything.

Each of us has had those moments of violent anger when unthinkable thoughts are thought but never acted upon.

Our conscience and reason halt and cool our hateful and fiery footsteps.

The awareness of violence---whether read in books, heard in songs, or seen in movies and video games---is not the cause of violent acts.

 In fact, it might be argued that these vicarious experiences deter us from doing the horrible things that we read, see, or hear.

 Unless we are predisposed to do so. 

And that word  predisposed  possesses  quite a few nuances that would need to be researched.

No, it something else that makes an individual pull triggers to kill others.

I remember reading that killers who kill are killing others instead of killing their own hated (and hateful) selves.

If homicide is engraved on the DNA of a mind, then the blueprint is already made for violent acts.

Predisposition?

Nevertheless, what was done at the Century Aurora 16 in Colorado is horrifying and overwhelming, whatever the explanation.