CIGARETTES AND HOMELAND SECURITY

HOMELAND SECURITY: Sorry, but you'll have to extinguish that cigarette.
SMOKER: But I'm outside for Pete's sake!
HOMELAND SECURITY: But Pete and the general public do not want to inhale the smoke from your second hand.
SMOKER: What?
HOMELAND SECURITY: I mean your second-hand smoke. It's THE LAW.
SMOKER: O.K. Where can I smoke?
HOMELAND SECURITY: At home.
SMOKER: But I want to smoke now. My home is 50 miles from here.
HOMELAND SECURITY: Sorry, but you're breaking THE LAW by smoking here.
SMOKER: Just let me take this last puff...
HOMELAND SECURITY: NO! YOU'RE UNDER ARREST. IN THE NAME OF HOMELAND SECURITY HAND OVER THAT PACK OF CIGARETTES AND PUT YOUR HANDS BEHIND YOUR BACK!