Sunday, April 07, 2013

IF YOU WERE A GOAT OR TORTOISE


 
If you were a goat, and you were stolen, where would you go?

Home? 

(That is, to a petting zoo).

To an open field to graze?

 (Do goats graze, or do they just eat junk and everything else that they can find?)

A bar?

The correct answer is the last one.

A bar.

Goats drink beer and whisky when they’re not eating delicious tin cans and weeds.

Just ask Shirley

 (Which we will in a moment).

If you were a tortoise, and you were stolen, where would you go?

The local bar?

The pool?

An elevator?

The last one is again the correct answer.

A tortoise likes to go places, and wants to get ahead and go up in life, and what better place to go up than inside an elevator?

Just ask Cashew (and we shall in a moment), he’s the missing tortoise that was found inside the elevator.

In a not so very related story (except that the setting was a zoo), there was an Easter egg hunt in Seattle that turned violent.

It’s too bad that Shirley and Cashew hadn’t gone to this Easter egg hunt---instead of a bar and elevator---they might have thwarted the fight which occurred "when one woman reportedly pushed a child aside as her own child was scrambling toward some brightly colored eggs."

Police say the two mothers began fighting and had to be separated three or four times. The fisticuffs left one woman with a bloody nose.

Let’s now hear what Shirley and Cashew have to say about their experiences before we turn our attention to the two fighting, female eggheads:


Reporter:

Welcome Shirley and Cashew.

Shirley and Cashew:

Thank you.

REPORTER:

Shirley, what were you doing at the time that you were stolen at the zoo?

Shirley:

Well, as usual, I was chewing my cud, and looking for more stuff to chew.

Reporter:

O.K.

And Cashew, what were you doing when you were found inside the elevator?

Cashew:

I was on my way up.

Reporter:

O.K.

And where was it you were going when you were going up?

Cashew:

I don’t know.  I just wanted to go up.

Reporter:

Is it true that both of you are planning to take an elevator up to a bar later today?

Shirley and Cashew:

You bet we are.

We’ve become best buddies, and plan to celebrate.

Hey, why are those two women over there fighting over that egg?

Reporter:

I don’t know, but we’re going to find out.

 Shirley and Cashew, thank you for your time.

Shirley and Cashew:

You’re quite welcome!


 
IT’S ABOUT RENEWABLE RESOURCES!


*
 

Goat that walked into Mont. bar was taken from zoo

The Associated PressAssociated Press

Posted: 04/04/2013 07:51:13 AM MDT

 



BUTTE, Mont.—So the goat that walked into a Montana bar last weekend ... was stolen from a petting zoo.

Fairmont Hot Springs Resort general manager Steve Luebeck says staffers knew the goat was missing but didn't realize it had been stolen until they saw a story in The Montana Standard on Wednesday reporting that a goat had been taken into a Butte bar early Sunday.

The pygmy goat, named "Shirley, was returned to the resort's petting zoo.

Luebeck tells The Standard ( http://bit.ly/11rcGB5) he has never had an animal stolen from the zoo, which has goats and miniature horses. He says zoo managers would like to know who took the animal so they can press charges.

Iowa museum finds missing tortoise in elevator

The Associated PressAssociated Press

Posted: 04/04/2013 06:23:57 PM MDT


DUBUQUE, Iowa—An 18-pound African leopard tortoise who went missing from an Iowa museum has been found alive in an elevator in the building.

KWWL-TV (http://bit.ly/Zb7sED) reports that officials at the National Mississippi River Museum & Aquarium in Dubuque believe the tortoise named Cashew was stolen, but that the thief quietly returned the animal.

The museum says a visitor found Cashew on the elevator floor Thursday. She appears to be in good health.

The museum discovered Cashew was missing Tuesday from an exhibit with a 4-foot glass wall. Museum officials suspected she was taken as a prank or to sell.

Museum officials are reviewing surveillance video to try to figure out exactly what happened and find a possible suspect.


Easter egg hunt at Seattle zoo turns violent

The Associated PressAssociated Press

Posted: 04/01/2013 06:21:09 PM MDT


SEATTLE—One of usually peaceful springtime rituals of childhood—the Easter egg hunt—turned nasty at the Woodland Park Zoo in Seattle.

Blame the moms.

A statement on the Seattle Police Department blotter Monday says the "hard-boiled tale" began Sunday afternoon, "when one woman reportedly pushed a child aside as her own child was scrambling toward some brightly colored eggs."

Police say the two mothers began fighting and had to be separated three or four times. The fisticuffs left one woman with a bloody nose.

Only one mother was still there when officers arrived. She said she wasn't interested in pursuing charges against her attacker.

As the release puts it, that left officers without "any info that could crack the case."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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