If you were a goat, and you were stolen, where would you go?
Home?
(That is, to a petting zoo).
To an open field to graze?
(Do goats graze, or do they
just eat junk and everything else that they can find?)
A bar?
The correct answer is the last one.
A bar.
Goats drink beer and whisky when they’re not eating delicious tin
cans and weeds.
Just ask Shirley
(Which we will in a moment).
If you were a tortoise, and you were stolen, where would you go?
The local bar?
The pool?
An elevator?
The last one is again the correct answer.
A tortoise likes to go places, and wants to get ahead and go up in
life, and what better place to go up than inside an elevator?
Just ask Cashew (and we shall in a moment), he’s the missing
tortoise that was found inside the elevator.
In a not so very related story (except that the setting was a zoo),
there was an Easter egg hunt in Seattle that turned violent.
It’s too bad that
Shirley and Cashew hadn’t gone to this Easter egg hunt---instead of a bar and
elevator---they might have thwarted the fight which occurred "when one woman
reportedly pushed a child aside as her own child was scrambling toward some
brightly colored eggs."
Police say the two mothers began fighting and had to be separated
three or four times. The fisticuffs left one woman with a bloody nose.
Let’s now hear what Shirley and Cashew have to say about their
experiences before we turn our attention to the two fighting, female eggheads:
Reporter:
Welcome Shirley and
Cashew.
Shirley and Cashew:
Thank you.
REPORTER:
Shirley, what were you doing
at the time that you were stolen at the zoo?
Shirley:
Well, as usual, I
was chewing my cud, and looking for more stuff to chew.
Reporter:
O.K.
And Cashew, what
were you doing when you were found inside the elevator?
Cashew:
I was on my way up.
Reporter:
O.K.
And where was it you
were going when you were going up?
Cashew:
I don’t know. I just wanted to go up.
Reporter:
Is it true that both
of you are planning to take an elevator up to a bar later today?
Shirley and Cashew:
You bet we are.
We’ve become best
buddies, and plan to celebrate.
Hey, why are those
two women over there fighting over that egg?
Reporter:
I don’t know, but we’re
going to find out.
Shirley and Cashew, thank you for your time.
Shirley and Cashew:
You’re quite
welcome!
IT’S ABOUT RENEWABLE
RESOURCES!
*
*
Goat
that walked into Mont. bar was taken from zoo
The Associated Press
Posted: 04/04/2013 07:51:13 AM MDT
BUTTE, Mont.—So the goat that walked into a Montana bar last
weekend ... was stolen from a petting zoo.
Fairmont Hot Springs Resort general manager Steve Luebeck says
staffers knew the goat was missing but didn't realize it had been stolen until
they saw a story in The Montana Standard on Wednesday reporting that a goat had
been taken into a Butte bar early Sunday.
The pygmy goat, named "Shirley, was returned to the resort's
petting zoo.
Luebeck tells The Standard ( http://bit.ly/11rcGB5) he has
never had an animal stolen from the zoo, which has goats and miniature horses.
He says zoo managers would like to know who took the animal so they can press
charges.
Iowa
museum finds missing tortoise in elevator
The Associated Press
Posted: 04/04/2013 06:23:57 PM MDT
DUBUQUE, Iowa—An 18-pound African leopard tortoise who went
missing from an Iowa museum has been found alive in an elevator in the
building.
KWWL-TV (http://bit.ly/Zb7sED) reports
that officials at the National Mississippi River Museum & Aquarium in
Dubuque believe the tortoise named Cashew was stolen, but that the thief
quietly returned the animal.
The museum says a visitor found Cashew on the elevator floor
Thursday. She appears to be in good health.
The museum discovered Cashew was missing Tuesday from an exhibit
with a 4-foot glass wall. Museum officials suspected she was taken as a prank
or to sell.
Museum officials are reviewing surveillance video to try to figure
out exactly what happened and find a possible suspect.
Easter
egg hunt at Seattle zoo turns violent
The Associated Press
Posted: 04/01/2013 06:21:09 PM MDT
SEATTLE—One of usually peaceful springtime rituals of
childhood—the Easter egg hunt—turned nasty at the Woodland Park Zoo in Seattle.
Blame the moms.
A statement on the Seattle Police Department blotter Monday says
the "hard-boiled tale" began Sunday afternoon, "when one woman
reportedly pushed a child aside as her own child was scrambling toward some
brightly colored eggs."
Police say the two mothers began fighting and had to be separated
three or four times. The fisticuffs left one woman with a bloody nose.
Only one mother was still there when officers arrived. She said
she wasn't interested in pursuing charges against her attacker.
As the release puts it, that left officers without "any info
that could crack the case."
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