READING BETWEEN THE LINES

"I see some of the political leaders who are here, and I presume you've invited me to uphold the scholars' end." (This sure beats holdin' up the end of my horse's member.)

"In the war on terror, Iraq is now the central front.." (Gee, that word front makes it sound like I'm hiding something.)

"And as millions of Iraqis prepare to cast their ballots..." (Many more soldiers will prepare to be put into casts.).

"I want to talk today about why we went into Iraq, why we stayed in Iraq, and why we cannot - and will not - leave Iraq until victory is achieved." (Just don't ask me what is meant by victory.)

"We are living through a watershed moment in the story of freedom." (And many thousands have 'drowned'.)

"We saw the destruction terrorists could cause with airplanes loaded with jet fuel - and we imagined the destruction they could cause with even more powerful weapons." (And our imagination was like an LSD trip...and we saw what we needed to see!)

"He [Saddam Hussein] had pursued and used weapons of mass destruction. He sponsored terrorists." (And the United States provided the materials for making those weapons, just as the U.S. sponsored and supported Saddam in his war against Iran.)

"We are in Iraq today because our goal has always been more than the removal of a brutal dictator; it is to leave a free and democratic Iraq in its place." (Along with American military bases and Halliburton.)

"The enemy of freedom in Iraq is a combination of rejectionists and Saddamists and terrorists." (Not just rejects and Sodomists.)

"History has shown that free nations are peaceful nations." (Uhhh...was Germany a free nation? A peaceful nation? Has America's history been peaceful?)

"As we advance the cause of freedom in Iraq, our nation can proceed with confidence because we have done this kind of work before." (In the Phillipines...Nicaragua...Iran...Chile...etc)

"The people of Iraq are now seeing some of the tangible benefits of their new democracy. They see that as freedom advances, their lives are improving." (But water and electricity are not. Reconstruction money is either lost or used to pay for security.)

"And they see that freedom is bringing opportunity and a better life." (Plus more bombs and radiation from Depleted Uranium weapons.)

"As Iraqis stand up, we will stand down. And when victory is achieved, our troops will then come home, with the honor they have earned." (After about 100 years.)

"Most of the debate has been a credit to our democracy, but some have launched irresponsible charges. They say that we act because of oil, that we act in Iraq because of Israel, or because we misled the American people."
(And they're right...huh...huh.)

"These charges are pure politics." (Pure politics? This is an oxymoron!)

"They hurt the morale of our troops." (And highlight the poor morals of our policies.)

"Before this victory comes, we still have a lot of difficult work ahead."
(Rome was not built in a day and the road to hell is paved with good intentions.)

"So we can expect violence to continue." (War is Peace. Freedom is Slavery.)

"We may not know for certain who's won the elections until the early part of January - and that's important for our citizens to understand. It's going to take a while." (Remember my first election.)

"The work ahead will also require continued sacrifice." (Remember the Aztecs.)