THWARTING TERRORISM

REASONABLE OBSERVER: Are you ready to begin your questions?

INQUISITOR: Yes.

REASONABLE OBSERVER: O.K. Remember, you’re not here to torture, only to produce a little pain if things go South.

INQUISITOR: South, sir?

REASONABLE OBSERVER: Yeah, like if this terrorist doesn’t cooperate with you.

INQUISITOR: I see.

REASONABLE OBSERVER: Begin.

INQUISITOR: Mr. Terrorist, do you know of any plans for a terror attack on the United States?

ILLEGAL COMBATANT: No.

INQUISITOR: Let me repeat the question: Do you know of any plans for a terror attack on the United States?

ILLEGAL COMBATANT: No.

INQUISITOR: [To an aide]: Bring me my implements of inquisition and persuasion.

REASONABLE OBSERVER: What are you doing?

INQUISITOR: This illegal combatant is going South, and I need to change his direction.

REASONABLE OBSERVER: Right.

INQUISITOR: O.K. Mr. Terrorist, please give me the correct answer, or I will need to use these [Items include: water, a board, scary Halloween costumes, photos of humiliation, rope].

ILLEGAL COMBATANT: I tell you, I don’t know the answer.

INQUISITOR: Look at these photos. This is your mother!

ILLEGAL COMBATANT: No, no. Please, don’t make me see these things.

REASONABLE OBSERVER: He’s still going South on us. Better start the water treatment. Make sure he brushes his teeth first.

IT'S THE OIL STUPID!