READING BETWEEN THE LINES

Radio Address
October 18, 2008

[This is an abridged version]

THE PRESIDENT:
Good morning. Our Nation is dealing with a serious financial crisis.
[And thanks to the dirty dealers, you now have to deal with the crisis]

Over the past month, Americans have witnessed fast-moving events involving complicated financial issues.
[Events that have been brewing during my regime and before it]

I know many of you are concerned about your finances.
[And your money…but you can always dump your fiancées]

The federal government has responded to this crisis with systematic and aggressive measures to protect the financial security of the American people.
[This security is mainly for rich CEOs who have practiced their unbridled usury… in a nation that was already de-Constitutionalized and decapitated by me.]

These actions will take more time to have their full impact.
[But it will be enough time for me and Laura to escape to Paraguay]

Earlier this month, Congress passed bipartisan legislation authorizing the Treasury Department to use up to $700 billion to help banks rebuild capital.
[The operative word is “use up”, because it’s our power of usury that will continue to use up your tax dollars]

This week, I announced that the Treasury will use a portion of that money to inject capital directly into banks by purchasing equity shares.
[Inject. Like drugs…but not sharing the needles]

This new capital will help banks continue making loans to businesses and consumers.
[So that you can continue to shop until you drop]

I know many Americans have reservations about the government's approach, especially about allowing the government to hold shares in private banks.
[But the government has held natives in reservations for a long time]

As a strong believer in free markets, I would oppose such measures under ordinary circumstances.
[Free markets? That sounds like socialism]

Had the government not acted, the hole in our financial system would have grown larger, families and businesses would have had an even tougher time getting loans, and ultimately the government would have been forced to respond with even more drastic and costly measures later on.
[Such as martial law and internment camps]

So I decided that government had to move, but that government's involvement in individual banks had to have prudent limits.
[Just as I have to have limits on how many prunes I can eat]

The government's involvement is limited in scope. The government will not exercise control over any private firm, and federal officials will not have a seat around your local bank's boardroom table.
[Or around your kitchen table]

I know many of you are also concerned about the price tag of this rescue package.
[Just as you are also concerned about the price tag for my rescue package in Mesopotamia]

Ultimately, we believe the final cost will be significantly less than the initial investment.
[Just as we believed the final cost of the Iraq war would be significantly less]

We're a country where all people have the freedom to realize their potential and chase their dreams.
[You have to chase your dreams, because my rich friends and I have been making them run away from you at very high speeds]

This promise has defined our Nation since its founding…
[And during my floundering and fabricating]

Thank you for listening.
[And obeying]



IT'S THE OIL STUPID!