VIVA VIAGRA!

It’s early in the morning.
I’m typing and free-associating words:

All that glitters is not gold;
Outward show is a poor substitute for inner worth;
Beauty is only skin-deep;
Stressed-out hens don’t lay eggs.

O.K.
I feel a little better.
The free association is over for now.

Now for some odds and ends that I've heard and jotted down during these final hours of the race to the White House, with my own literary genius between brackets:

THE SEPTIC TANK HAS OVERFLOWN!
[Miss Wasilla!]

WE CHOOSE LIBERTY AND DEMOCRACY!
[Pal-in’ around with Slander and False Accusation!]

PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN!
[Glossy-Lipped and Glassy-Eyed]

COUNTRY FIRST!
[Viva Viagra!]

SHE CAN LAY A THOUSAND EGGS!
[She's as loose as a moose!]

THE SALMON ARE SWIMMING DOWNSTREAM!
[They created a monster!]

SHE’S GOIN’ ROGUE!
[Winky!
Blinky!
&
Slinky!]


IT’S THE ELECTION STUPID!


***



MYTH: "We...championed reform to end the abuses of earmark spending by Congress."
Sarah Palin in convention speech

FACT: As mayor, employed a lobbyist who also worked for Jack Abramoff to secure $27 million in pork spending for Wasilla — more than $4,000 per resident. In her two years as governor, requested $453 million in earmarks. Alaska ranks first in the nation for pork, raking in seven tim
es the national average.




MYTH: "I found ... someone who stopped government from wasting taxpayers' money."
John McCain on Sarah Palin

FACT: Signature accomplishment as mayor: building a $15 million hockey arena that plunged the city into debt. Broke ground on the project without finalizing the city's purchase of the land; the resulting fiasco cost Wasilla $1.3 million — roughly $200 per resident.




MYTH: "She's from a small town with small-town values."
Fred Thompson in convention speech


FACT: Wasilla and the surrounding valley recently named the meth capital of Alaska, with 42 meth labs busted in a single year.




MYTH: "She's been to Kuwait. She's been over there. She has been with her troops. The National Guard that she commands, who have been over there and had the experience."
John McCain

FACT: Never had a passport before 2007, when she made a brief photo-op trip to visit troops in Germany and Kuwait. Has never been to Iraq, and has not met a single foreign head of state.



MYTH: "I have protected the taxpayers by vetoing wasteful spending."
Sarah Palin in convention speech

FACT: As governor, sought travel reimbursement for 312 nights she spent in her own home.