DICK CHENEY OIL AND DRUGS

It is absurd to think that one man (the president) controls all oil and gasoline prices.
However, when gas was expensive, I know many people who were quick to blame George Bush for the high prices.
Well, now that that the prices have been lowered, I don't hear any thanks.
Again, it is absurd to think that one man controls it all, but I would like to hear a "thank you" from those who gave a quick "it's your fault."

Frank Nava



I am writing a letter of concern regarding drug traffic and how it is becoming part of our life.
Drug traffic and its tragedies are becoming part of a normal day in our port. Issues about these events are everywhere -- on TV, newspaper, radio, even in our music.
What I am concerned about is that all the events that are happening in our community are nothing new to our people and we will start not to care about it. We are getting used to feeling insecure.
We can see how this battle issue has been a constant challenge for the government.
We need help.

Ruth Cerda




Dear Frank and Ruth:

The price of oil went down because Dick Cheney's oil glands have been producing oil at historical levels.
Give Dick a hand for lower oil prices.
Drugs would not do so much "trafficking" or do such lethal harm if they were simply made available to those who choose to use them.
No, the masses wouldn't become drug addicts, because they already are.

Just read one issue of Reader's Digest to get a small glimpse of the variety of legal drugs to choose from.
Pharmaceutical companies are adamantly against drug legalization, and so are the Narco-drug lords.
Business is business.
Taxing the newly legalized drugs would help help pay off that $60 trillion debt!
It’s a tired, worn, and fallacious argument that hordes of haughty citizens would en masse start drugging themselves and put into peril the remainder of the haughty.
As you may or may not know, marijuana is America's number one cash crop.
Much of America is already in an alcoholic haze, so I suppose that a little more "stimulation" or numbing will not matter too much.
O.K.
Off to the drug store...
Have to stock up.
Below are some quotes to put into your pipe to smoke:

January 24, 1996
From Correspondent Anthony Collings and wire reports
WASHINGTON (CNN)-- The move to legalize drugs in the United States has an unlikely ally.
William F. Buckley, editor of the conservative magazine National Review, believes with illegal drugs so readily available, the war against them has been lost. Buckley would legalize marijuana immediately, then study how far to go legalizing other drugs.
Supporters claim drug legalization will ease burdens on prisons and shift billions of dollars from law enforcement to treatment and anti-drug education. Baltimore Mayor Kurt Schmoke would go a step further: putting government in charge of distributing drugs to addicts.
"I'm interested in bringing peace on the street ...(but)... the war on drugs is simply bringing more killing rather than less killing. I'd like to take the profit out of distributing drugs at the street level."




"The legalization of drugs would simultaneously reduce the number of crimes and improve respect for the law. It is hard to imagine any other single provision which could make a more significant contribution to the promotion of law and order."
MILTON FRIEDMAN
Nobel Prize for Economics




"... we will never obtain any result as long as we are unable to separate crime from the drug business and the incitement to criminality this causes..."
GEORGE SCHULTZ
Former U.S. Secretary of State


IT'S THE OIL AND DRUGS STUPID!

MESSIAH

c.1300, Messias, from L.L. Messias, from Gk. Messias, from Aramaic meshihamashiah "anointed" (of the Lord), from mashah "anoint."
This is the word rendered in Septuagint as Gk. Khristos (see Christ).
In O.T. prophetic writing, it was used of an expected deliverer of the Jewish nation.
The modern English form represents an attempt to make the word look more Heb., and dates from the Geneva Bible (1560). Transf. sense of "an expected liberator or savior of a captive people" is attested from 1666.



Just as I didn’t believe that George W. Bush was the anti-Christ (but the article an is apropos here), I don’t think that Barack Obama is a messiah---
Or
THE MESSIAH.

I did believe (naively) when I was much younger that President Reagan was one of the above.

America voted for---

Anointed, if you will---

Barack Obama to liberate a people who have been the captives of a very autocratic, arrogant, and meretricious Bush administration.

The election of Barack Obama was the denunication of a deceitful and inept administration.

The election of Barack Obama was an endorsement of the renunciation of eight years of woeful, wreckful, wretched, and divisive “leadership”.

When Barack Obama becomes President Barack Obama, it will probably be more difficult to write satire, but I will not give him or his administration any “free passes”.

Finally, although all of those popular polls have indicated that the Iraq war was not as big an issue as the economy, the American people had that unnecessary war on their fingertips when they voted, quite aware that this unnecessary war has had a considerable effect on the state of the American economy and the world..

FOUR MODES OF TRAVEL ON ELECTION NIGHT

I.
A Kangaroo
And a cute Gnu
Took a Trip to
Tasmania
And Timbuktu
In a Canoe
That was colored
Red white and blue.

II.
A Kangaroo
And a cute Gnu
Took a Trip to
Tasmania
And Timbuktu
Inside a shoe
That was colored
Red white and blue.

III.
A Kangaroo
And a cute Gnu
Took a Trip to
Tasmania
And Timbuktu
With a Poodle
Who was colored
Red white and blue.

IV.
A Kangaroo
And a cute Gnu
Took a Trip to
Tasmania
And Timbuktu
In a Kazoo
That was colored
Red white and blue.

ON ABORTION

As Life magazine photos once showed, humans look like fish at one stage of their development, and like aliens (with those almond-shaped, black eyes) at another stage.

Humans are an ugly, pitiful, hateful, violent, and destructive species.

Why do we have such an unholy respect for ourselves who are such monsters?

China, our favorite banker and the manufacturer for nearly everything we consume, eliminates the females and keeps the males.

If the U.S. and its professed Christian rulers wanted to make a very definitive and moral statement---
Instead of showing its pomp of self-righteous puffery---
It would END ALL TRADE WITH China.

But you don’t (and can't) bite the hand that feeds you---
Or finances your illegal wars---
Even though China is not a very Pro-Life society.

Hypocrisy is a poor substitute for the truth.

Having just rattled off and ranted the preceding, I am for a woman's right to choose IF THE WOMAN'S LIFE IS IN DANGER.

Abortion DOES KILL an innocent human---

Notwithstanding how ugly and monstrous we humans are.

VIVA VIAGRA!

It’s early in the morning.
I’m typing and free-associating words:

All that glitters is not gold;
Outward show is a poor substitute for inner worth;
Beauty is only skin-deep;
Stressed-out hens don’t lay eggs.

O.K.
I feel a little better.
The free association is over for now.

Now for some odds and ends that I've heard and jotted down during these final hours of the race to the White House, with my own literary genius between brackets:

THE SEPTIC TANK HAS OVERFLOWN!
[Miss Wasilla!]

WE CHOOSE LIBERTY AND DEMOCRACY!
[Pal-in’ around with Slander and False Accusation!]

PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN!
[Glossy-Lipped and Glassy-Eyed]

COUNTRY FIRST!
[Viva Viagra!]

SHE CAN LAY A THOUSAND EGGS!
[She's as loose as a moose!]

THE SALMON ARE SWIMMING DOWNSTREAM!
[They created a monster!]

SHE’S GOIN’ ROGUE!
[Winky!
Blinky!
&
Slinky!]


IT’S THE ELECTION STUPID!


***



MYTH: "We...championed reform to end the abuses of earmark spending by Congress."
Sarah Palin in convention speech

FACT: As mayor, employed a lobbyist who also worked for Jack Abramoff to secure $27 million in pork spending for Wasilla — more than $4,000 per resident. In her two years as governor, requested $453 million in earmarks. Alaska ranks first in the nation for pork, raking in seven tim
es the national average.




MYTH: "I found ... someone who stopped government from wasting taxpayers' money."
John McCain on Sarah Palin

FACT: Signature accomplishment as mayor: building a $15 million hockey arena that plunged the city into debt. Broke ground on the project without finalizing the city's purchase of the land; the resulting fiasco cost Wasilla $1.3 million — roughly $200 per resident.




MYTH: "She's from a small town with small-town values."
Fred Thompson in convention speech


FACT: Wasilla and the surrounding valley recently named the meth capital of Alaska, with 42 meth labs busted in a single year.




MYTH: "She's been to Kuwait. She's been over there. She has been with her troops. The National Guard that she commands, who have been over there and had the experience."
John McCain

FACT: Never had a passport before 2007, when she made a brief photo-op trip to visit troops in Germany and Kuwait. Has never been to Iraq, and has not met a single foreign head of state.



MYTH: "I have protected the taxpayers by vetoing wasteful spending."
Sarah Palin in convention speech

FACT: As governor, sought travel reimbursement for 312 nights she spent in her own home.

OF DOMICILES

Nothing awakens a reminiscence like an odor.
Victor Hugo

It was an estate sale.

When I entered the house, I immediately felt like I wanted to retch.

The smell inside was an unpleasant sour smell, an odor that I couldn’t put my hands on, but I later remembered another time and place that had had the same odor.

It was my second semester at the university.

I had received a grant of $500, and I wanted to stretch this money as far as I possibly could.

When I searched the ads for APARTMENTS TO RENT, I saw ROOM FOR RENT.

I don’t remember the exact words in the ad, but it went something like:

“Single room. No food or cooking. No pets. No guests. $35 per month.”

I went to the house and a frail woman appeared at the door.

After I told her that I wanted to see the room, she seemed to trust me, and said to enter.

When I entered---

There was that same SOUR SMELL.

It was the odor of the ages.

It was the scent of a (VERY OLD ) woman.

I was almost blind, but my nose was not.

I tried not to reveal to the old woman that my olfactory faculties were in high gear.

I followed her down a hallway that went past her kitchen.

We turned right, and the room was the first door on the right.

It was a small and dark space, but I didn’t care, because the rent was cheap and it was at least a roof over my head.

I told the old woman I'd take the room.

I promptly bought one hot plate, and stocked the closet with cans of food.

The old woman must have known that I had broken one of her “house rules”, but she never said anything to me.

I didn’t take baths, because the bathtub had a hole in it.

That’s where the old woman’s dog slept.

I went to the recreation center on campus and took my showers.

I rarely spoke to the old woman, but during the first week of my residence in her odoriferous abode, she told me that she was a widow, and that her husband had been a sociology professor, and that she had been one of the first camera operators for silent films.

After that, we never spoke to each other again.

The most salient thing that I remember (besides the sour and acrid smell of the house)---and her cats---was her tea kettle whistling every morning.

It became the high-pitched “alarm clock” and reveille that woke me up each morning.

I broke one other house rule.

I brought home a guest.

She was a student in my Epistemology class, and one day in class she started rubbing her leg on mine.

I am sure that my professor noticed this amorous touching.

She gave me a ride to my room in her Volkswagen bug.

It was a stick shift.

She was a dexterous driver, and continued her amorous advances.

(Sorry, but what happened next will be in my memoirs.)


My room was located on the same street where Florence Becker Lennon lived.

In fact, it was right across the street.

She was a poet and biographer of Lewis Carroll.

The entire front of her house was covered with various posters and stickers of social protest.



When I moved out of my rank refuge, my next domicile was not much of an improvement.

It was a single room with paper-thin walls.

The name of these “apartments” was called The Shacks.

Again, the rent was modest: Only $45 per month.

The owner of The Shacks---and most of the property for a square mile or so---was a Mrs. Gold.

It was an apposite appellation.

On one side of my room lived a couple who were always making loud noises, usually ones of intimacy.

On the other side lived a former Shakespearean actor who frequently got drunk and recited the Bard’s words.

Somehow I was able to get some sleep.

One morning I woke up, and my entire floor was a lake of water.

My water heater had broken.

Life is sweet, but many of my dwellings were not.



IT'S THE SMELL STUPID!

BARACK OBAMA'S POLL IS GETTING BIGGER AND BIGGER BUT THE CRAZY ELDERLY & BORDERLINE SENILE FREAKY OTHER CANDIDATE'S ISN'T

SARAH PALIN’S ROLE’S
GETTING
CUTER AND CUTER

***

Blinking

Senator

McCain’s

Winking

Glossy

&

Dressy

Running

Mate

Has been

Impaling

The

Electorate

With

Her

Trite

Tripe

And

Trendy

Trashy

Hype

But

This

Aerial

Animal

Killer

Is

The

Last

Person

We

Need

To

Be

The

Commander

In

Chief

Of

The

United

States.

Please!!!

Give

Us

Hope

And

Not

Another

Doggone

Dope!!!


IT’S THE OIL STUPID!

OOHING AND AAHING IN THE DOLDRUMS WITHOUT TRANSCRANIAL MAGNETIC STIMULATION

I am in a doldrums.

I don’t write unless a spark ignites the fires of my imagination.

Is this inflammatory language?

You can see by what I have just written that it is one of those days.

I’m trying to be funny to substitute for a paucity of substance.

You’re right, I could have written “for a lack of substance” instead of “for a paucity of substance”.

I use larger words or clever ones to compensate for not having much to say.

Hmmm…this reminds me of what politicians do.

If the “spirit” moves me, then I can get my body to move.

(I thank God every day that it still moves)

I will, however, in a motley manner write about a few things, just, I suppose, to have something to write about today.

I will try to be brief like a candle…or a sneeze.

These are some things that I have read or heard recently….and in no logical order of importance.

Argentina now relies very little upon petroleum products and insecticides when it comes to its agriculture.
Its cattle industry is thriving.
Cows eat the grass for three years---
Do a lot of pooping and peeing---
Then the land on which they have grazed and mooed is used to grow other crops.
The nitrogen-rich soil is perfect to raise these other crops.
Argentina has some of the best beef in the world.
Talk about going...
Green!
We gringos ought to go there.


I have always wondered why I or anyone else would (stoop so low?) as to believe that we descended (or ascended?) from apes.
I am teaching 11th grade English, and I pondered this thought while reading about Puritanism, Rationalism (Classicism), and Romanticism.
I have always put my money on the dolphin as my more proximate ancestor, instead of the ape.
Then, yesterday, I read about the aquatic ape hypothesis.
Wikipedia will tell you about it.
This AAH might be called the “sink or swim” theory of evolution.
It definitely has me “Aahing”.


I am about to hear Robert F. Kennedy Jr. tell us how this election may have more voter fraud than the first selELECTION.
(Sell...election?)
There's a commercial.
I’m going to the refrigerator to get some ambrosia fruit salad and Dutch apple pie.
I’ll summarize what I hear when I return.
Here it is.
Thirteen words (and then a few others):
VOTER SUPPRESSION.
WHOLESALE PURGING OF VOTES.
KICKING PEOPLE OFF OF THE VOTER ROLLS.
(Read “Block The Vote” in the current Rolling Stone magazine.)
Can this election be stolen?
In one word:
YES.


Alien Hand Syndrome.
This was one of the most fascinating news reports that I have ever read.
Too bad that I spilled coffee all over the article.
But I strongly recommend that you find out what it is.
Then think about the eerie similarities between the George W. Bush presidency and the Alien Hand Syndrome.


Oregon:
The West coast taint.
It taint Washington.
It taint California.
(Thank you Stephen Colbert)


O WORD, WORD wherefore art thou WORD?
I wrote this with the Bard’s help.
I love words and I enjoy writing.
Here are a few words that recently had me asking wherefore:

1. HOLY MOLY

On the moly part:
In mythology, an herb of magic powers like in Homer’s Odyssey; or a wild, garlic-like plant (Alium moly) of the lily family.”

On the holy part:
Holy from Old English halig, meaning: “dedicated to a religious purpose, spiritually revered.”

Holy moly was an exclamation of the character ‘Captain Marvel,’ from comic books first written by Bill Parker and C. C. Beck in 1940.
Holy moly is a rhyming compound (cf. killer-diller, legal eagle, etc.), and is maybe an euphemism for holy Moses that's used as an oath.



2. BARF

To vomit or retch.
1960.
American English slang.
Possibly Onomatopoeic.
And speaking of euphemisms, how about this one:
Barf bag: air sickness pouch.
1966.
How appropriate.
This was the year that I graduated from high school.

[When I visited Japan, I learned that snow in Japanese is barf = (日本語; n.-嘔吐)

And I have just learned that barf also means snow in Persian برف (Tajik and Uzbek).
I’m not giving you a barf job.


3. SLEAZY

Sleazy.
1644.
Hairy, fuzzy.
Later "flimsy, unsubstantial"
(of unknown origin).
1670.
One theory traces it to Silesian (of the eastern German province of Silesia) (Ger. Schleisen), where fine linen or cotton fabric was made (Silesia in ref. to cloth is attested in England from 1674.)
Sense of "sordid" is from 1941.
Sleaze (n.) as condition of squalor.
1967.
Meaning "person of low moral standards” both as an adjective and noun.
1976.


Finally, here are two more news items that caught my eyes:

October 21, 2008:
Congress has canceled Pentagon plans to buy and launch two commercial imagery satellites to fill out its network of classified spy craft, according to military and space industry officials. They also wiped out the remaining 2008 funds.
THE EXACT AMOUNT
IS…
CLASSIFIED!


October 21, 2008:
The government has approved the first noninvasive brain stimulator to treat depression---
A device that beams magnetic pulses through the skull.
The woodpecker-like pulses trigger small electrical charges that spark brain cells to fire.
(Like what happens when I’m not writing stuff such as this.)
It’s Transcranial magnetic stimulation or TMS.
(Like TM…Transcendental Meditation…but it has a lot more STIMULATION!)

FIN




IT'S THE OIL STUPID!

READING BETWEEN THE LINES

Radio Address
October 18, 2008

[This is an abridged version]

THE PRESIDENT:
Good morning. Our Nation is dealing with a serious financial crisis.
[And thanks to the dirty dealers, you now have to deal with the crisis]

Over the past month, Americans have witnessed fast-moving events involving complicated financial issues.
[Events that have been brewing during my regime and before it]

I know many of you are concerned about your finances.
[And your money…but you can always dump your fiancées]

The federal government has responded to this crisis with systematic and aggressive measures to protect the financial security of the American people.
[This security is mainly for rich CEOs who have practiced their unbridled usury… in a nation that was already de-Constitutionalized and decapitated by me.]

These actions will take more time to have their full impact.
[But it will be enough time for me and Laura to escape to Paraguay]

Earlier this month, Congress passed bipartisan legislation authorizing the Treasury Department to use up to $700 billion to help banks rebuild capital.
[The operative word is “use up”, because it’s our power of usury that will continue to use up your tax dollars]

This week, I announced that the Treasury will use a portion of that money to inject capital directly into banks by purchasing equity shares.
[Inject. Like drugs…but not sharing the needles]

This new capital will help banks continue making loans to businesses and consumers.
[So that you can continue to shop until you drop]

I know many Americans have reservations about the government's approach, especially about allowing the government to hold shares in private banks.
[But the government has held natives in reservations for a long time]

As a strong believer in free markets, I would oppose such measures under ordinary circumstances.
[Free markets? That sounds like socialism]

Had the government not acted, the hole in our financial system would have grown larger, families and businesses would have had an even tougher time getting loans, and ultimately the government would have been forced to respond with even more drastic and costly measures later on.
[Such as martial law and internment camps]

So I decided that government had to move, but that government's involvement in individual banks had to have prudent limits.
[Just as I have to have limits on how many prunes I can eat]

The government's involvement is limited in scope. The government will not exercise control over any private firm, and federal officials will not have a seat around your local bank's boardroom table.
[Or around your kitchen table]

I know many of you are also concerned about the price tag of this rescue package.
[Just as you are also concerned about the price tag for my rescue package in Mesopotamia]

Ultimately, we believe the final cost will be significantly less than the initial investment.
[Just as we believed the final cost of the Iraq war would be significantly less]

We're a country where all people have the freedom to realize their potential and chase their dreams.
[You have to chase your dreams, because my rich friends and I have been making them run away from you at very high speeds]

This promise has defined our Nation since its founding…
[And during my floundering and fabricating]

Thank you for listening.
[And obeying]



IT'S THE OIL STUPID!

WORDS THOUGHT BUT NEVER SPOKEN DURING THE FINAL DEBATE

“They’re angry, angry, angry.”
[And Sarah and I have made them so]

“I’ll use a hatchet…then I’ll get a scalpel.”
[But a laser would be less invasive]

"I know how to save billions.”
[And Cindy knows how to spend millions]

“It’s completely out of control.”
[And so is my campaign]

“Americans are hurtin…and they’re angry…they want a new direction…”
[My friends, if I’m elected I will become a circle]

“I’ve got the scars to prove it.”
[I hope I’m not using this torture thing too much]


“The tone of this campaign
could have been very different.”
[But when you’re losing you have to change the tone]

“We will run a truthful campaign. This is a tough campaign.”
[But if the truth runs away that’s just tough]

“She’s a reformer.”
[…a nimrod…a slayer]

“Americans have gotten to know Sarah Palin.”
[They know that she doesn’t know very much and she doesn’t want you to know it]

“She’s a “freath” of “bresh” air.”
[After all, she comes from Alaska]

“Her husband is a pretty tough guy, too.”
[But is he as tough as a moose?]

“She’s excited the base in the Republican Party.”
[And their excitement has turned pretty base]

Why can’t we have more transparency?
[Like an amoeba]

“Canadian oil is fine.”
[I like Canola oil myself]

“Wind…solar…natural gas…wind…solar…natural gas…”

[Nuclear pants…]

“I so much admire Senator Obama’s eloquence…”
[That I’m jealous]

“We have to drill now.”
[Maybe I should have been a dentist]

“I am a free trader.”
[Not a terroristic traitor]

“Free trade with Columbia is a no-brainer.”
[But my friends, I have a head that can make us billions]

“Senator Government…Senator Obama…”
[I should have practiced my lines more]

“We’ve got too much government and too much spending.”
[Thanks to eight years of a BURNING BUSH]

“Education: It’s the civil rights issue of the twentieth century.”
[Or twenty-first]




IT'S THE OIL STUPID!

THE CAMPAIGN

Smears
Sneers &
Jeers

Of

Hateful
Violent
Threats

Of

Lynch
Mob
Mentality

From

Rabid
Right-Wing
Nuts

With

Shrugs
Lies
& Tugs

From

Bugs
Thighs
&
Jugs

Of

Obtuse
Moose
& Ruse


IT'S THE OIL STUPID!

HORSE OF A DIFFERENT COLOR

ADAM: I don’t know about you Eva, but that stallion just doesn’t look right to me.
EVA: Why? What’s he doing?
ADAM: Well, it seems like he’s actually muttering to himself.
EVA: Yes, I see what you mean.
ADAM: I’ll go get my parabolic microphone so we can hear what the heck he’s “saying”.
EVA: I’ll go get my cam recorder to catch it on film as we listen.

[ADAM and EVA return with their recording equipment]

ADAM: Ready?
EVA: Yes.

[RECORDING begins]

STALLION: I just can’t believe that I’m a talking horse! Maybe I'll call myself Ed. I overheard the doctor say that I was the result of genetic engineering. I’m like a centaur, but without a human head.
ADAM: Holy smoke! Did you hear that?
EVA: Yes! Yes!
ADAM: Don’t tell anyone. This horse is the ticket that'll take us from rags to riches.
EVA: Right. What should we do next?
JACK: Find out who owns him, then we'll make his owner an offer that can’t be refused!
EVA: Giddy-Up!



IT'S THE GENES STUPID!

READING BETWEEN THE LIES

October 7, 2008

President Bush Discusses Emergency Economic Stabilization Act of 2008
Guernsey Office Products, Inc.
Chantilly, Virginia
October 7, 2008

[A VERY ABBREVIATED VERSION]


THE PRESIDENT:
Thank you all.
[Some of my favorite products are inside the Oval Office]

(Applause.)

I'm pleased to be here at Guernsey Office Products. You sell everything from office supplies to coffee products to furnishings.
[I like things that is furry. That’s why I don’t like armadillos.]


There's no doubt that people from all walks of life and all aspects understand that we're having serious times.
[Except those whose lives have been enriched by me and Dick with our deceitful war in Iraq for oil]

Families are squeezed by the high price of gasoline, and feeling the pinch of food prices and monthly mortgage payments.
[This squeeze is as strong as a python …and the pinch will eventually feel like an alligator is biting down on your eyeballs]

Workers are anxious about whether their paychecks will stretch
[As much as their stomachs and livers]

Some workers are anxious about whether or not they're going to keep their jobs.
[Or find any]

No question the times are tough, but no question America will emerge.
[Just like UFOs do up in the clouds]

The immediate challenge facing the economy is a lack of credit.
[But there is no lack of credit coming from me for this crisis]

Thank you.
[Now…go shop until you drop.]



IT'S THE OIL STUPID!

McCAIN MANTRA

My friends…
My friends…
I can fix this country…
I can get the job done…
I will get Osama bin Laden…
I know how to win the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.
My friends…
I can change what Bush has done to us.
I have worked with both sides of the aisle, and my running mate will, too.
Sarah Palin knows how to govern…
Sarah Palin knows how to wink.
Sarah Palin knows how to hunt.
To me, Sarah Palin is like my hero Teddy Roosevelt...
With lipstick on…
Wearing a dress.
My friends…
I will drill for you…
Sarah Palin will drill for you.
My friends...
With your help…
We will take America back.
You can write me a check, now...
Or go to my web site and make a contribution with your credit card.
My friends…
Thank you very much!


IT'S THE OIL STUPID!

THE TRIAL

Except for the Nixon impeachment hearings, I have never watched and listened to anything as closely as I did the O.J. Simpson murder trial.
I know.
Sickening.
Pathetic.
Was I crazy?
Or just sickeningly and pathetically (and morbidly)
Curious?
I was in my high school library when the O.J. Simpson murder trial’s verdict was read.
After months and months of watching and listening to lawyers argue;
After months and months of seeing DNA, blood and hour glasses fill up that
California courtroom, there was finally the verdict:
NOT GUILTY.
I couldn’t believe it.
All of that blood inside Simpson’s house and inside his vehicle.
The trial was so long that the obvious culpability became fuzzy even when the evidence was so overwhelming.
Now Mr. Simpson will have plenty of time to contemplate his past.
Inside a solitary prison cell.
No more golf greens.
Only himself and his conscience to play with.


IT'S THE SLAMMER STUPID!

THE DEBATE

Sarah Palin expatiated with plenty of platitudes, puffery, and cute little phrases.
Palin’s debating was strong in style; Biden’s was strong in substance.
Sarah Palin appealed to the emotions---and so did Biden---but Biden outdid Palin when he said things which required more of the intellect than that of a soft and cuddly solar plexus.
Biden stayed on point and on the points---Palin did not.
Joe Biden’s small and proximate eyes were nearly as bothersome as Palin’s winking eye and effervescent lips.
It is not sexist to say that Mrs. Palin exuded a feminine and fatuous exterior.
It is not chauvinistic to say that Mr. Biden displayed a masculine and less fatuous exterior.
Palin rarely made eye contact with Biden, but instead gave her stares as the concerned soccer (or moose-murdering hockey) mom.
Palin was not convincing when she said that she was for less government, when her running mate has endorsed the big government and overspending of George W. Bush’s bungling and exorbitant regime.
Joe Biden won.
Sarah Palin lost.

IT'S THE OIL STUPID!

BITING AND IMPALING

"To be very clear, there has not been any incursion in U.S. airspace in recent years."
Maj. Allen Herritage, a spokesman for the Alaska region of the North American Aerospace Defense Command (NORAD), at Elmendorf Air Force Base.

"When you consider even national security issues with Russia,
as (Prime Minister Vladimir) Putin rears his head
and comes into the airspace of the United States of America, where ---where do they go?
It's Alaska."
Sarah Palin






REPORTER: Hello, Mrs. Palin. Are you looking forward to your debate with Senator Biden?
SARAH PALIN: Well, darling, maybe the question should be, "Is Senator Biden ready to go head to head with me."
REPORTER: You sound confident.
SARAH PALIN: You betcha.
REPORTER: Who is your sparring partner?
SARAH PALIN: Pardon me, darling…my what?
REPORTER: Is there someone who has been “playing” the part of Senator Biden to help you prepare and gear up for the debate?
SARAH PALIN: Well, no, but that’s a very good idea. I’ll tell my staff to find someone. I think everyone is out hunting either moose or wolves.
REPORTER: On this same subject, which animals do you prefer to hunt?
SARAH PALIN: All of 'em, any of 'em that have been in front of me over all these years.
REPORTER: Can you name a few?
SARAH PALIN: Darling, I have a vast variety of animals that I like to kill.
REPORTER: O.K. Well, just hours to go before you start impaling Joe Biden.
SARAH PALIN: Very funny. I guess you could also say that my debating opponent will be biting me.



IT'S THE OIL STUPID!

BIG BROTHER

The high school where I teach now has surveillance cameras.

They are those black half-spheres that are on the ceilings of some stores and casinos.

I missed the public announcement that said that these cameras were now installed.

I am not surprised.

I once suggested the idea myself after

I got fed up with all of the graffiti and

false fire alarms.

We often say or hear others say:

“Big Brother is watching”.

And so “he” is.

Big Brother has been watching us for quite some time.

The cameras are everywhere:

In cars…

On our streets…

In our own hands…

In outer space!

We are never alone.

The black and blue skies

Now have such big eyes…

We can’t hide our lies.

OUT OF THE PALIN AND BEYOND

Sarah Palin, you know, was at the U.N. yesterday, and she was a big hit. She's over there meeting all of the world leaders. She's still learning who the world leaders are. Right now, she thinks that Warren Buffett is the head of Margaritaville.
David Letterman




President Bush met with John McCain and Barack Obama. John McCain showed up without running mate Sarah Palin, which is a shame because she actually has a lot of experience with financial matters. You know, she lives right next to a bank.
Jimmy Kimmel




Hillary Clinton canceled an appearance at the UN next week, after learning that Sarah Palin was also invited. And after Hillary canceled, the group canceled Sarah Palin, saying they didn't want any politicians. Which is a shame, because this would have been Sarah Palin's first trip to the United Nations. Although to her credit, she has been to the International House of Pancakes.
Jay Leno





Sarah Palin's been spending the last couple of days being briefed by advisers on what she needs to know to be John McCain's vice president. That's true. Yeah. Apparently, the first thing they taught her was CPR.
Conan O'Brien





They're selling Sarah Palin Action Figures online. I don't know where they get the outfits for these, but she looks like the sluttiest librarian of all time. Sad incident at Toys 'R' Us today...a Sarah Palin doll shot My Little Pony.
Jimmy Kimmel



IT'S THE MOOSE STUPID!

TUNE IN TURN ON AND DROP OUT

MY FRIENDS: SOMETHING CRAZY AND DANGEROUS STINKS ON THE STRAIGHT TALKING EXPRESS

Make it easy on yourself, John McCain, and just drop out of the presidential race, and take Mrs. Palin with you.

Go drill, drill, drill---bomb, bomb, bomb.

Because America does not need you.

America does not want you

Or

Sarah Palin at the helm of our sinking Ship of
State that was sunk by George W. Bush.

Our nation is sick, broke, and tired of the past horrible years of malfeasance, lies and treason.

America does not want you to be our next president.
So, please, just drop out.

Go drive all of your cars and occupy all of your houses, and let Sarah Palin have the necessary time to dress her moose.


IT'S THE OIL STUPID!