A CONVERSATION HEARD AT THE CRAWFORD RANCH BEFORE DEBATE #3

A CONVERSATION HEARD AT THE CRAWFORD RANCH BEFORE DEBATE #3

By Mad Plato

“O.K. Dick. I should not jump off of any more chairs. I shouldn’t make any more funny faces. God, Dick, I wish you were debating Kerry and not me.

Laura, are those thick T-bones almost ready?

O.K., Dick, where were we? God, those oil prices are really kicking up the profits, aren’t they? Hey, Rumsfeld, what’s the ‘score’ today in Iraq? Do I have many more casualties to worry about before Kerry starts singing his ‘wrong war, wrong place, wrong time’ song in Arizona?

Condoleezza, do we have the Supreme Court on board for the election? And, Jeb, are those electronic voting machines rigged to go?

O.K. Domestic issues. The economy. I just gave some new tax cuts. Maybe this will be enough to take America’s mind off of the huge deficits and war costs.

God, I wish this election was over already. I like to be commander-in-chief, but I don’t like defending myself all the time in these debates. I just like to do things, you know, spread more peace and democracy. It’s hard work, but I have to do it.

Laura, are those steaks barbecued yet? I have to keep my energy up for this last debate.”