The U.S. military has been accused of flushing the Koran down the toilet.
Nothing new here.
The Constitution has been flushed, too.
The U.S. Congress (with the blessings of Bush) is about to flush the filibuster rule.
Your freedom of privacy on the Internet is about to be flushed by a new and improved Patriot Act.
Mr. Clean is needed immediately!
Stop flushing holy books and democracy down the toilet!
Underwear Commercial
By Mad Plato
Saddam Hussein should be in underwear commercials.
Don't condemn the pictures of Saddam in his underwear.
A company could say in its commercial:
"If a dictator can look this good in Fright of the Gloom underwear, so can you!"
Of course, spiff Saddam up a bit.
Shave him.
Groom him.
Then snap him into some shorts.
Jockey or Boxer?
Michael Jackson showered and slept with young boys.
Pretty soon he may have to shower with bigger boys. (Nope. He was not guilty.)
Robert Blake was found not guilty.
Terry Schiavo is gone.
The Pope has gone (to Heaven).
Bush has been kissing Sharon's & a sheikh’s butt.
(Hands for oil.)
Tom Delay's butt’s in a sling.
Bankruptcy laws are gone.
The 200 year-old filibuster law may soon be gone.
Oil prices have gone through the roof.
Our taxes have gone to the IRS again.
The new (and improved?) Patriot Act will not require any court approval for electronic surveillance.
Bush milked a stallion.
(Hand for horse.)
A grenade got close to Bush.
Nobody has gone back to the moon.
Later.
COSMOLOGICAL DARK AGES
By Mad Plato
If a space telescope can peer at the “cosmological dark ages” and see 10,000 galaxies, why can’t a terrestrial microscope see the origin of events that lead up to 9-11 and the preemptive war on
It’s puzzling and perplexing. Maybe what we think we’ll find at the end of this tunnel frightens us into not wanting to see that far.
The farthest known galaxy is a mere 13.2 billion light-years away, but the closest the American public seems to get to the truth about 9-11 and
The Internet.
Yes, it has a plethora of information. Just the opposite of fast sound-bites. But it is from these many sites of the Internet where truths may be seen, and little by little the Truth becomes visible and the Darkness becomes Light. This description sounds way too heavy and cosmological, I’m sure.
Let’s look at War and Peace. They have always been at odds.
The universe has always known about these opposing forces just as God has known about them.
Christ confronted Mammon.
Did he win?
Have we as a species lost?
What has been won if we have lost?
But getting back to “cosmological dark ages”, the Earth itself seems to be in its own darkened age.
Perhaps every generation says the same about their own time.
Monsters and barbarians are still alive in our hearts, waiting for the powers of the good, the true and the beautiful to conquer them---as well as the terrorists within and without our borders.
Meanwhile, there are other humans on terra firma who are trying to shine light and lights upon the events of 9-11 and the war in
Godspeed this search to let the world and
. Now go count some stars.
NEW TERRORIST THREATS
By Mad Plato
Mad Plato has just learned how Michael Chertoff and Homeland Security have obtained their latest information about potential terrorist attacks.
We were fortunate enough to be on the scene when these revelations came to light.
Cameras were set up outside of Homeland Security office(s).
National Security, of course, prevents us from giving details of the exact location(s).
Michael Chertoff and some other high-level HSS [Homeland Security Staff] were sitting at a large, pentagon-shaped table. A lamp dangled low, illuminating the bizarre scene.
Tarot Cards, dice, skull and bones, cat entrails, burning incense, a crystal ball, a Ouija board, and Bill Clinton voodoo dolls were all spread out upon the table.
Unfortunately, at one point the batteries in our cameras went dead, and so we could not go on filming.
Nevertheless, a brief glimpse was made into the nature of these latest Homeland Security threats and how they might be determined. Stay tuned and dial a prayer.
KING OF MALAPROPISMS
By Mad Plato
George W. Bush, the War President, doesn’t care whether you know when he knows when he is not saying a word correctly.
I was a C student at a university with buildings that were covered with ivy.
I was a C student because I flirted too much with my French teacher.
She was a cute blond from southern
It was my second semester of conversational French.
However, my first semester teacher was a pretty brunette from
I behaved in class.
I received that D because I sometimes (on purpose) mixed Spanish with my French when I spoke in class.
This infuriated cute Mademoiselle, and my GPA suffered dearly:
I now had FOUR CREDIT HOURS OF D!
The War President should hire a person who can make sure that tongue twisters are pronounced correctly.
Practice more, George.
The War President should care more about pronouncing his words correctly. However, based upon the high recidivism of his many utterances of malapropisms, the War President doesn’t seem to care.
I would be more understanding if this problem had happened maybe once or twice, but I have now heard the president mispronounce the same word two or three times. He has said REMINANTS for REMNANTS more than once.
And good grief, what about the way he’s murdering the name of that Iraqi prison.
No need to destroy the prison, because its name has already been destroyed.
None of this criticism is personal.
I don’t like it when I mispronounce (or think that I have mispronounced) a word.
I remember when I tried to appear smarter than I was in high school by using BIG words, and then realized later that I had not been pronouncing them correctly!
I suppose such a sin of omission is just as bad (or worse) as when a word is pronounced incorrectly and the speaker knows that it is being mispronounced.
As a whole (not hole) the language is getting “lazier and lazier” because its speakers have gotten lazier and lazier.
For example, Americans are great users of THE CONTRACTION.
Our brethren in
It sounds more sophisticated and more intelligent.
Maybe it is or maybe it isn’t.
In this age of “Hip-Hop and Rap”, we have forsaken the thought process by shortening our speech patterns.
I sometimes find myself curtailing the number of words when I say something.
For example, instead of saying, “Everyone should try to be good” I might say “You be good.”
Yes, and you might say, “I like the second version.
It is easier to understand and not so long.”
But that is the point.
We want thoughts and ideas to be simple, compact, and “easy to understand”.
We understand “I’LL BE BACK” and “MAKE MY DAY” and “BRING ‘
We want the Cliff Notes explanation, not the long version.
But to think and speak clearly require more time and effort.
Perhaps that is why the War President doesn’t want to be bothered with pronouncing words correctly.
SAME SEX MARRIAGE
By Mad Plato
Animals. They don’t need to worry about same sex marriages. In fact, they don’t get married at all. Nor do they get divorces.
When Mr. Bear wants to live in a cave with another Mr. Bear, who is there to care? No constitutional amendments will be made for the bonding arrangements between animals. But, generally, animals are quite monogamous. I guess.
Humans. They worry about same sex marriages. Miss so-and-so wants to live with another Miss so-and-so. Then both want to get married. Then the government says NO! Infidels! Going against the grain! Marriage is only between a man and woman. I guess.
Aliens. OK. I won’t go there.
If the shoe fits, then wear it. Different strokes for different folks.
I guess.
THE PRESS CONFERENCE
By Mad Plato
During the prime-time presidential press conference a nonplused gallery of reporters found themselves spinning thumbs and wiggling legs, staring in stunned disbelief as the President of the
Many things were the same, but something was missing [not the WMD].
The president's answers were often grabbing at straws, while his iridescent tie radiated its mysterious rainbow colors into the television's camera eye.
The tie seemed to be addressing the nation: "I MAKE NO MISTAKES AND I WILL CHANGE THE WORLD."
One reporter kept his mouth open the whole time. In Astonishment? Or perhaps only to gape for additional oxygen that would energize his brain cells so that they could keep up with the cloudy and defensive answers of the president.
The president also failed to disguise his perplexity and anger with some of the reporters' questions, when like cruise missiles, the questions penetrated his Yale-trained, Skull and Bones mind.
But the president's synapses continued their circumlocution, and ignited a few agitated neurons to become niggling non-sequitur answers.
The historic press conference was a dizzying experience for all Americans to undergo, and yet this president can still exude his special charisma even when the answers are still full of chiaroscuro.
By Mad Plato
My favorite eyeball rolling by President Bush in his first debate with John Kerry came when John Kerry suggested that the
Bush looked to the heavens when Kerry made this oil connection. At the moment that this eyeball rolling occurred, I thought, “Bush is letting us know with an overcompensation in his reaction that OIL WAS INDEED A (or THE) MOTIVE.”
Sometimes Bush was dazed by a question or had a temporary paralysis of speech from it. The wincing, lip-biting, smile-smirking, eyeball rolling commander-in-chief just isn’t equipped to speak coherently without a script or when he is put on the spot in front of an alien audience.
Because Bush is so accustomed to getting an audience that his handlers have approved, at moments during the debate he seemed to be a brain lost in the wilderness of outer space. It was scary. If he got upset he stammered out some of his old standby lines: “It’s hard work.” “We’re winning…” “We’re spreading freedom.” “I’m not a wind-up toy.”
Do wannabe dictators tend to repeat themselves a lot?
Is Bush as dumb as he looked?
A CONVERSATION HEARD AT THE CRAWFORD RANCH BEFORE DEBATE #3
By Mad Plato
“O.K. Dick. I should not jump off of any more chairs. I shouldn’t make any more funny faces. God, Dick, I wish you were debating Kerry and not me.
Laura, are those thick T-bones almost ready?
O.K., Dick, where were we? God, those oil prices are really kicking up the profits, aren’t they? Hey, Rumsfeld, what’s the ‘score’ today in
Condoleezza, do we have the Supreme Court on board for the election? And, Jeb, are those electronic voting machines rigged to go?
O.K. Domestic issues. The economy. I just gave some new tax cuts. Maybe this will be enough to take
God, I wish this election was over already. I like to be commander-in-chief, but I don’t like defending myself all the time in these debates. I just like to do things, you know, spread more peace and democracy. It’s hard work, but I have to do it.
Laura, are those steaks barbecued yet? I have to keep my energy up for this last debate.”
POLITICAL CAPITAL
By Mad Plato
“It would be easier if I was a dictator.”
George W. Bush
President Bush announced at his first post-election press conference that his win gave him… political capital!
And he planned to spend it!
Wasn’t that big of him?
The commander-in-chief has already taken a lot of capital away from the American people and spent it.
Chasing after non-existent WMD wasn’t cheap. A duplicitous shock and awe pre-emptive war without a plan to win the peace is EXORBITANT.
The deficits EXPAND while taxes are being reduced [at least for the very rich!]
Where in the world is the capital going to come from to pay for the rising deficits?
For the wars in
For future fighting in
For more and more missiles and bombs?
For Education?
For Health Care?
For Social Security?
Where is that money going to come from?
Yep. You and me. The rich bastards have got it made in the sun.
Baby boomers, don’t plan on retiring too soon.
This president needs more of your capital.
He already has your heads!
BOMB THE
By Mad Plato
Today the Bush White House said that it thinks that the
A spokesman for the White House said: “We cannot leave to chance the possibility that this
But we think it has a weapon, and naturally our thinking makes it so.
Therefore, at
BUSH’S
By Mad Plato
Mad Plato has just learned that the bulge on Bush’s back was indeed an electronic receiver, but not for receiving signals from outer space…at least not from NEAR Earth SPACE. It certainly was not a hookup to that Earth alien Karl Rove.
It was a direct link to the Almighty God. Allah is great! And he has been telling Bush what to say.
Let’s just say that God was a little off-key during the debates. Especially debate #1. Bush may have been making most of his funny faces at God, and not at John Kerry.
None of the big news media are touching this bulge-thing. But be wary of the bulge. Be wary of a War President who must have his thinking done via an electronic device. He just might get the wrong number at the wrong time in the wrong place. Oh, right. This has already happened.
Stay tuned and watch your…I mean the commander-in-chief’s back.
