Lighters are the leading item seized at airport checkpoints, an average of more than 22,000 a day. It costs TSA $4 million a year to dispose of them because they contain hazardous materials.
AS:
Sir, you can't take the nail clippers, but the lighter is O.K.
MALE PASSENGER:
You mean to say that you guys believe a lighter is less dangerous than a pair of nail clippers?
AS:
I don't know sir. I'm just following Homeland Security's new guidelines.
Excuse me, mam, you can't take that milk.
FEMALE PASSENGER:
But it's only 8 ounces. Is milk considered dangerous?
AS:
I don't know mam, but Homeland Security only allows 3 ounces.
(An alarm goes off.)
Sir, please empty your pockets and remove your shoes.
MALE PASSENGER:
I'll take off my pants, too, if you like.
AS:
No sir. Just the pockets and shoes will be fine.
(The alarm sounds again.)
AS:
O.K. Sir, now take off your pants.
MALE PASSENGER:
Do I get a date out of this?
AS:
No sir. I'm just doing my job. O.K. I see the problem. It was your cell phone taped to a stick of dynamite. Sir, please put your arms behind your back.
(The security officer calls for some back-up.)
FEMALE PASSENGER:
Why was that man not wearing any pants?
AS:
Because I asked him to take them off.
(An alarm goes off.)
Madam, please take off your shoes and empty your purse and pockets.
Yes. Be ready to pull down your pants.
(Another alarm goes off.)
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