THE SWAMP COOLER THAT WOULDN’T DIE

It's been going on now for about three weeks.

That horrible squeaking noise.

That horrible rattling and squeaking noise.

I finally called the Fire Department and told them about it.

It is the next-door neighbor's swamp cooler that is losing its bearings or something.

When I spoke to the person at the fire department (at the non-emergency number), he asked:

"What's the problem?"

I said, "It's my neighbor's swamp cooler"

The fire department guy asked:

"Is it smoking?"

I said, "No. It's making a lot of noise. Other neighbors are complaining about it, too."

One neighbor said that he had to put in ear plugs last night."

The fire department guy replied:

"Well, we can't do anything unless there's a fire or you see smoke."

I called the non-emergency number at the police department and told them about the noisy swamp monster.

The guy at the police department said:

"O.K. We'll have someone come out."

I had told the police department and the fire department that the neighbors who owned the swamp monster had not been home for weeks.

An hour later the police department called back and said that someone was on their way.

Then a few hours later the police called again.

The guy asked:

"Are your neighbors even home?"

I said "No" again.

The police guy said:

"Well, unless the neighbor is home there isn't anything we can do. Call us when they're home."

It's just before midnight right now.

The swamp monster is dozing.

I’m thinking about shooting it with my shotgun.

At the moment there is only a slight squeaking sound.

But by morning, this machine will once again be on its aural attack.

I am waiting for the neighbors to return.

I think they are deployed in Iraq.